Sorry I'll be writing in English - no access to a Russian keyboard at the moment. THANK YOU very much for your favorable assessment of the translation and of my general ability! This is very important to me indeed.

As far as this particular translation, check out this one:

http://stihi.ru/2010/12/31/3873

I like it far better than mine.

To me, poetry written in different centuries requires the use of different vocabularies. I believe that Dina's work is an excellent example of the mastery of "last century" language, given that she, too, does not make it excessively complicated.

My translations, on the other hand, are all written in the 20th century language, which may be better for Okudzhava but which is at a disadvantage when trying Annensky, or Lermontov, or Pushkin for that matter. My translation of Pushkin (check it out if you haven't yet) suffers from the same issue. I am still to learn to translate "older" poetry differently than I do modern. Should read more old English poetry, for sure, to get a better feel of the language of that time.

That being said, your kind words still make me feel good!!! :-)))

Евгения Саркисьянц   11.01.2011 23:13   Заявить о нарушении

I didn’t think much about the matter of how the old-time poets are to be translated. My idea is that “the charm of oldness” purposely introduced in a translation can spoil the verse. In my opinion a proper approach to such a translation is to make a modern variant first, later on it’ll be clear what to do with it. Besides, you always keep in mind the purpose of your work and the actual literary figure: for instance, Pushkin or, let’s say, Sumarokov (never read, by the way). As to the translation you’ve mentioned – possibly it can be considered a classical one but as to me it’s a bit cold because of macrocosm and so forth – your variant is closer to me. While writing it I came to understanding of my line: make a translation freely, in a natural way, but do not start to do it unless you are sure of understanding the author’s voice, - the intonation will be reproduced.
Best regards,

Вячеслав Чистяков   12.01.2011 06:10   Заявить о нарушении

То, что Вы говорите, очень интересно. Я, в общем, как-то так и делаю, видимо, подсознательно. И, кстати, я рада, что мой вариант перевода Вам кажется ближе.

Евгения Саркисьянц   12.01.2011 07:09   Заявить о нарушении