Рецензия на «М. Цветаева - Проста моя осанка - In English» (Александр Гивенталь)
Very good! Just a couple of things: I would change "stated" for "planted". Not exactly clear what "cells" you're talking about. "Blood cells" isn't immediate from that. I would think about making it more clear that she's talking about a "he" - not just a generic "guest." All her verbs are masculine. Although it may be the woman in me talking :) I'm not sure about "water." I would try to put in a more generic "thirsty" in there, because it may well be her blood he wants to drink. Overall, makes an impression close in its chill to the original. Awesome choice, too! Евгения Саркисьянц 08.08.2012 19:52 • Заявить о нарушении
Thanks!
"Planted" does dot rhyme with "acquainted." But "cells" I did not necessarily mean "blood cells" (but not jail ones :-) "Drink" in Tsvetaeva's original stands, I think, for any need of help (not of blood, of course: It is Marina who constantly falls in love for everyone in need, not the other way around). But you are right - in the process of editing, the gender has completely disappeared from my translation, so I'll put it back (in one of 3 possible places). Thanks again, Alexander Александр Гивенталь 08.08.2012 20:56 Заявить о нарушении
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