Рецензия на «А. С. Пушкин. Зимнее утро English translation» (Вячеслав Чистяков)
Ну, теперь моя очередь. "Hard frost and sunshine – a day of pleasure!" - One extra syllable here. I would just say "sun" not "sunshine". "Last eve the snowstorm wailed angry," - the blizzard howled "The shadowy sky struck all and sundry" - the ghostly sky "The insipid moon was scarcely seen" - the vapid moon "Like the finest carpets, soft and even," - like a fine carpet "The snow glitters in the sun light;" - in sunlight (or just "in the light," to keep the stress in place) "Transparent woods look solely dark," - the bare woods alone look darker "Green firs through hoarfrost nicely spark" - in hoarfrost, sparkle "With amber light the whole our room" - Like amber, the entire room is "Is being lit up. What a boon" - illuminated. What a boon is "Is a merry crackle of a stove’s flame." The merry crackle of a flame "It's a charm to ponder near the fire!" - How swell to ponder near a fire "To draw in a speedy run in tow" - To speed the ride, let's take in tow "An impatient mare, trotting hard?" A mare impatient "The woods – a recent horn of plenty," - And woods. You had "fields" without an article in the previous line. "And the bank so dear to my heart." - And banks, see above A very, very beautiful translation!!!!! Just like re-reading Puskin over again! I was as careful with suggestions as if it were my own work. :-))) I wish it were, too!!! Best, Евгения Саркисьянц 12.01.2011 20:53 • Заявить о нарушении
Thank you very much. I wrote it a year ago (without any practice in making English translations of poetry), and actually didn't check it afterward. I'll think over your remarks later; I beleive, and I see it now already, they'll be very helpful.
Thanks and regards, Вячеслав Чистяков 12.01.2011 21:35 Заявить о нарушении
Without any practice?! Let me tell you, YOU DID GOOD!!
Евгения Саркисьянц 12.01.2011 22:39 Заявить о нарушении
The initial variant was awful and funny. Dina Beljaeva did point at the main drawbacks; it was really very kind of her. The translation has been like a toothache for me, still I delayed checking it in the way someone fears to visit a dentist. Thank you once again for the remarks: they will urge on and allow me to improve the translation in a less effort.
Вячеслав Чистяков 13.01.2011 07:19 Заявить о нарушении
Oh, it's good now, I really think so. Just make the changes I suggest and it will be perfect! :-)))
Евгения Саркисьянц 13.01.2011 08:28 Заявить о нарушении
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