Рецензия на «Sitting in a cafe» (Н.Н.)
nice. but perhaps in the line 3 it is "like Alice" since the last lines refer to "me"? Валентин Емелин 05.07.2020 00:38 • Заявить о нарушении
Thank You so much for Your attention! I‘m so glad You liked it.
I had considered putting „like“ in that line, but discarded it immediately. I had a strong feeling that „like“ didn‘t belong there. It‘s quite difficult to give reasons for a gut feeling but I‘ll try: There is a shift in perspective: in the first part it‘s as if the lyrical subject were at the same time the lyrical object; the lyrical self, or at least a part of it dissociating, distantly observing that defamiliarized persona from outside; and then going back inside, melting together again, beginning to feel from within. Н.Н. 05.07.2020 11:18 Заявить о нарушении
I’ve just stumbled upon a very precise description: “ Я просто созерцаю себя созерцающего” Бронислав Виногродский
Н.Н. 05.07.2020 12:27 Заявить о нарушении
that's fine, the feeling is most important here, in particular if you wanted any shift of perspective. a good poem altogether, the sound is good, too.
Валентин Емелин 05.07.2020 12:28 Заявить о нарушении
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