So, you re in love

So, you're in love...
No Heaven can compare to this creation
And melt her traces on the ice and snow
Deep in your soul.
You look for joy and find frustration.
So, is it right
To follow lie of tender call?

Well, is it right?
No ray of light in suppositions.
They've build a tunnel
With eternal stones.
With all your might
You do ignore the superstitions
That doom to failure
Tiny chance that... Yes! She loves!

With all the might
Of quickly patring adolescence.
But does it really have at least a drop of sence?
What are you fighting for?
To prove your paltry essence?
Or to encroach upon her artless innocence?

A drop of sence...
So, did you find it in cocktails and energetics
You drank last night with an another girl?
A couple pence she costed.
Even less than her cosmetics!
You had her body, even smile,
But never - soul!

A couple pence...
You could have earned a thousand fortunes
To win the heart
Of skattered shadow-like daydream.
You've seen her face.
Since then you know the bitter taste of tortures.
They hurt your pride and everlasting self-esteem.

She won't pretend to be a little sympathetic.
Things won't go better.
Has she ever been in love?
The one who made your soul so hopelessly poetic
But does it really matter?
Worth it fighting for?..

I must agree with the preceding speaker that this piece of poetry is really something outstanding and its rhythm is the thing that strikes most. Anyway there seems to be a certain number of spelling mistakes which can’t of course spoil the general impression.

They've build a tunnel - built
Of quickly patring adolescence – parting?
a drop of sence? - sense
A couple pence she costed. - Cost – irregular verb
Of skattered shadow-like daydream – scattered

As for your Spanish poem, its simplicity makes it even nicer. :))
So, thanks for the pleasure you gave me with your poems!

Sincerely yours,
Ramiro L-T.

Рамиро Лебедев-Толмач   16.11.2017 16:30     Заявить о нарушении
many thanks for your feedback and the notes) I must have been too emotional when typing this poem)

will surely return the visit!


Ронни Фоксова   16.11.2017 22:24   Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 2 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.