Рецензии на произведение «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation»

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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

You will understand –-
Can't find more wonderful land
Or
One can't find better a land

Валентин Емелин   28.05.2017 19:52   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Initially I entertained the "understand-land" rhyme (what could be more obvious?), but quickly realized that it it not working.

Беляева Дина   28.05.2017 20:30   Заявить о нарушении
Why? Obvious sometimes works better.

Валентин Емелин   28.05.2017 21:18   Заявить о нарушении
It is subtle. It's like rhyming "меня - тебя" sounds kind of forced. Besides, I went through the whole thing of truly figuring out the reference term in this song. In Russian, it is "страна", which could be land, country or state. Given the movie context, "state" is more appropriate, but it sounds awful, because it is not subtle. I settled on "place", it has a far lower connotation load. Introducing "land" at the end would destroy the magic.

Беляева Дина   29.05.2017 01:24   Заявить о нарушении
Maybe. In fact the 'state' might be more close, since it is a psychosocial experience:), but, of course l, not suitable. I did not like 'gets' , besides the circle of the first line is not closed and 'this' is rather a weak ending

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 08:13   Заявить о нарушении
Hehe, I wrote 'psychedelic', it seems like there is a built-in censorship :))

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 08:15   Заявить о нарушении
and, finally, 'land' is Eng is a very close analogy, take Disneyland, Dixieland, Lalaland etc

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 09:32   Заявить о нарушении
la-la-land is more like it :)

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 05:02   Заявить о нарушении
Still it would be helpful to provide a more rational explanation of my seemingly irrational aversion to "land". If you consider the type of consonants with which every line ends, these are all voiceless fricatives, specifically [s], preceded for the most part by other fricatives [v], liquids [l] and sonorants [m]. If you consider the "understand - land" rhyme, it introduces a voiced stop consonant at the end [d]. This would have destroys the harmony of the sing-song repetitive rhymes. Besides, not a single line in the original ends in a stop consonant. Poetry is more than just meaning. It is also a form that needs to be conveyed.

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 05:33   Заявить о нарушении
I am sure you had your reasons, and there are pros and cons, sound vs meaning etc, though it ends with a consonant alright, but with a hissing one, if you wanted to keep this - fine. However I am not insisting on anything:) I am just questioning 'getting' in the first place. It has the meaning 'to become' in a continuous tense.

Валентин Емелин   30.05.2017 09:45   Заявить о нарушении
"Nothing gets better than this" is a common idiomatic expression and it works here. Was that your concern? Am I getting you right?

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 20:59   Заявить о нарушении
Yes. Sure it has the meaning What could be better, and mb that's fine - but it has a feeling of continuity, and in the original it is a final statement. Mb I am too picky:) because the 'land' has too many connotations (not the least the one in the context of the movie - u can't escape from that country except to a psychedelic dreamland. When we using the word страна it had a clear meaning эта страна.
Anyway, you r certainly in your own right and the translation is good.
... what can be better than bliss:)

Валентин Емелин   30.05.2017 21:47   Заявить о нарушении
And this way I will keep the English speakers blissfully ignorant of the subtle doublespeak.
:)

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 05:30   Заявить о нарушении
no, that's the point - the English speakers should be exposed to a potential doublespeak!:)

Валентин Емелин   31.05.2017 15:07   Заявить о нарушении
I know, I know. But that's exactly why Russians don't get Shakespeare if you just produce beautiful translations. You need to provide a detailed explanation of every line and set them in the historical context. Translating poetry is always an exercise in compromise.

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 17:40   Заявить о нарушении
well, right, by default, since a translation capturing all subtle aspects of a poem are not possible. But not only for poetry - I recall that comments to the Ulysses are perhaps equal to the text itself, and half of it is incomprehensible without them. So I would argue for the usefulness of three translations: a literary one, a "free" poetic one and an equirythmical poetic one followed by a detailed commentary.

Валентин Емелин   31.05.2017 18:42   Заявить о нарушении
Incidentally, I was just listening to a talk on inability of natural languages to deliver a thought precisely as compared to formulas (like in math, physics, chemistry). We may speak the same language, but connotations could be different depending on the era, family tradition, religion, etc. So, given that, commentaries, no matter how extensive, will still be approximations.

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 23:40   Заявить о нарушении
Yes, sure:)

Валентин Емелин   01.06.2017 01:31   Заявить о нарушении
But the reason poetry is so enduring is because it evokes emotions. And those emotions may be quite different from the original intent.

Беляева Дина   01.06.2017 04:51   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

nice translation

Лорд Брайтон   02.08.2013 06:47   •   Заявить о нарушении
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thank you

Беляева Дина   08.08.2013 02:39   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Дина,

Просто здорово! Хочу предложить Вам еще поэкспериментировать со словом "place". Мне кажется, "land" было бы намного лучше. Может, как-то удастся вписать, попробуйте.

Евгения Саркисьянц   10.01.2011 20:24   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Yep, that's the weakest part in this translation. "country" would be even more appropriate, considering the political doble-speak in the U.S.S.R, where people longed to go abroad.
I hope you don't mind my English in response to your Russian. I rarely have access to a russified keyboard and I hate using translit online.

Беляева Дина   12.01.2011 01:16   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Будучи близким другом двух "Бравян",мне этот перевод особенно понравился.
С вашего позволения отошлю одному из них сегодня.
Пусть порадуется!!! Спасибо!

Серж Блэйк   18.03.2010 10:32   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Мое им почтение.
Спасибо за отклик.

Беляева Дина   18.03.2010 13:38   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Your work is amazing! It is so difficult to translate poems and songs into another language without losing the meaning and the rhyme.
Dina - Bravo!!!

With Best Wishes,
Helen.

Елена Бингхэм   13.09.2009 23:07   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Perfect, i don't think there should be any other words to really describe this. I don't think that it is actually that easy to transform russian poetry or lates take lyrics to English language but the way you are doing this is mindblowing.

was refreshing visiting your page once again

Вадя Зеба   01.09.2009 11:21   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Vadim,
It was nice to hear from you.
I'm glad you found my translation worthy of the original.
Best regards,
Dina

Беляева Дина   01.09.2009 23:57   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Перевод вцелом понравился.Пропел на мотив оригинала- ложиться хорошо.:)
Однако, отдельные места перевода мне показались не совсем точными. Если желаете, я могу поделиться своими соображениями.

С уважением

Игорь Пришелец   08.07.2009 16:12   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Igor,
I'd be most interested to hear from you. Usually I'm open to any feedback, but chances of getting anything worthy are slim to none. I know I "cut the corners" here and there not being able to find aything closer to the literal meaning that fits the meter of the song.
Thanks,
Dina
P.S. Sorry for responding in English - my access to Russian keyboard is limited.

Беляева Дина   08.07.2009 20:30   Заявить о нарушении
No problem with English, for I am bilingual, as You know.:)

Firstly, I don't understand the authors who regard controversy as a malicious attack against their ego or creativity. Me, personally, see benefits of controversy as feedbacks from readers from one hand, and advice from colleages from the other hand. I hope You will take my comment as such.
Here is some thoughts and suggestions you may find useful.
1)"And pink clouds drift as flamingoes in droves."
I have impression of colour comparison in the original. Also, not sure that "drove" can be applicable to birds in formal language.
2) In my opinion a great deal of meaning is missing by replacement "country" by "place". Considering the time of production of this blockbuster along with the ideas of the time, there are a lot of irony and dried selfpitiness in the usage of the word.

Warm regards

Игорь Пришелец   09.07.2009 08:56   Заявить о нарушении
Interesting. I had exactly the same reservations about "place". Country would sound more in line with the spirit of times (I should say that "state" would be even better here), but land/place is more common in the same context in English. At the end I decided to smooth it out for an English ear and evidently lost those subtle perestroika undertones. As for "droves", it's a more general term that is applicable to anything in large quantities. I think it is OK here given that it applies to clouds, not the flamingos, although "flocks" would sound like a great metaphor. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do value your opinion. When I have time I think how to incorporate your suggestions.

Беляева Дина   09.07.2009 21:10   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Здравствуйте, Дина!
Какая изумительная работа! Спасибо!
Разрешите опубликовать ее на нашей страничке.
Удачи Вам. До связи. Александр Булынко

Эхо Успеха   24.05.2009 03:12   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Александр,
Спасибо за отзыв. Конечно, можете опубликовать, если считаете стоящим.

Беляева Дина   26.05.2009 17:28   Заявить о нарушении
Спасибо, Дина!
Ваш замечательный перевод опубликован на "Эхо Успеха", а Ваш ник проставлен в списке избранных авторов.
Очень надеюсь, что эта публикация Вашей работы будет не последней.
С уважением и признательностью. Александр Булынко.

Эхо Успеха   26.05.2009 23:44   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

Bravo, Deena! Brilliant :)

Костя Альтман   21.05.2009 23:18   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Thanks!
Glad you liked it :)

Беляева Дина   21.05.2009 23:52   Заявить о нарушении
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Рецензия на «Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation» (Беляева Дина)

This is sensational.
I'm speechless.

Эдуард Лейтман   15.05.2009 15:54   •   Заявить о нарушении
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No need to convince
Nothing gets better than this!
:)
Thank you. I greatly appreciate your opinion.

Беляева Дина   15.05.2009 18:24   Заявить о нарушении
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