Браво - Чудесная Страна. English translation

Беляева Дина
This song by Moscow band “Bravo” was used in a soundtrack of the seminal
perestroika movie “ASSA” (1987) directed by Sergej Solovjov.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4lRv1jJlJc

I’ve recently been to a wonderous place
Where rocky cliffs plunge into amber-rich waves,
Where centuries slumber in shady alcoves,
And pink clouds drift as flamingoes in droves.
A quicksilver stream twists through emerald hills,
Its magical beauty's akin to sweet dreams.
At night you can read on the glint of its waves
A yearning to cling to the Moon’s shining face.
No need to convince
Nothing gets better than this!
No need to convince
Nothing gets better than this…


Из к/ф "АССА" Сергея Соловьёва. (1987). В фильме фигурируют
массово популярные группы: Аквариум, Браво, Кино.

Недавно гостила в чудесной стране.
Там плещутся рифы в янтарной волне.
В тенистых садах там застыли века.
И цвета фламинго плывут облака.
В холмах изумрудных сверкает река,
Как сказка прекрасна, как сон глубока
И хочется ей до блестящей луны
Достать золотистой пеной волны.
Меня ты поймешь
Лучше страны не найдешь!
Меня ты поймешь
Лучше страны не найдешь...


© Copyright: Беляева Дина, 2009
Свидетельство о публикации №109051406925
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You will understand –-
Can't find more wonderful land
Or
One can't find better a land

Валентин Емелин   28.05.2017 19:52   •   Заявить о нарушении
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Initially I entertained the "understand-land" rhyme (what could be more obvious?), but quickly realized that it it not working.

Беляева Дина   28.05.2017 20:30   Заявить о нарушении
Why? Obvious sometimes works better.

Валентин Емелин   28.05.2017 21:18   Заявить о нарушении
It is subtle. It's like rhyming "меня - тебя" sounds kind of forced. Besides, I went through the whole thing of truly figuring out the reference term in this song. In Russian, it is "страна", which could be land, country or state. Given the movie context, "state" is more appropriate, but it sounds awful, because it is not subtle. I settled on "place", it has a far lower connotation load. Introducing "land" at the end would destroy the magic.

Беляева Дина   29.05.2017 01:24   Заявить о нарушении
Maybe. In fact the 'state' might be more close, since it is a psychosocial experience:), but, of course l, not suitable. I did not like 'gets' , besides the circle of the first line is not closed and 'this' is rather a weak ending

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 08:13   Заявить о нарушении
Hehe, I wrote 'psychedelic', it seems like there is a built-in censorship :))

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 08:15   Заявить о нарушении
and, finally, 'land' is Eng is a very close analogy, take Disneyland, Dixieland, Lalaland etc

Валентин Емелин   29.05.2017 09:32   Заявить о нарушении
la-la-land is more like it :)

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 05:02   Заявить о нарушении
Still it would be helpful to provide a more rational explanation of my seemingly irrational aversion to "land". If you consider the type of consonants with which every line ends, these are all voiceless fricatives, specifically [s], preceded for the most part by other fricatives [v], liquids [l] and sonorants [m]. If you consider the "understand - land" rhyme, it introduces a voiced stop consonant at the end [d]. This would have destroys the harmony of the sing-song repetitive rhymes. Besides, not a single line in the original ends in a stop consonant. Poetry is more than just meaning. It is also a form that needs to be conveyed.

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 05:33   Заявить о нарушении
I am sure you had your reasons, and there are pros and cons, sound vs meaning etc, though it ends with a consonant alright, but with a hissing one, if you wanted to keep this - fine. However I am not insisting on anything:) I am just questioning 'getting' in the first place. It has the meaning 'to become' in a continuous tense.

Валентин Емелин   30.05.2017 09:45   Заявить о нарушении
"Nothing gets better than this" is a common idiomatic expression and it works here. Was that your concern? Am I getting you right?

Беляева Дина   30.05.2017 20:59   Заявить о нарушении
Yes. Sure it has the meaning What could be better, and mb that's fine - but it has a feeling of continuity, and in the original it is a final statement. Mb I am too picky:) because the 'land' has too many connotations (not the least the one in the context of the movie - u can't escape from that country except to a psychedelic dreamland. When we using the word страна it had a clear meaning эта страна.
Anyway, you r certainly in your own right and the translation is good.
... what can be better than bliss:)

Валентин Емелин   30.05.2017 21:47   Заявить о нарушении
And this way I will keep the English speakers blissfully ignorant of the subtle doublespeak.
:)

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 05:30   Заявить о нарушении
no, that's the point - the English speakers should be exposed to a potential doublespeak!:)

Валентин Емелин   31.05.2017 15:07   Заявить о нарушении
I know, I know. But that's exactly why Russians don't get Shakespeare if you just produce beautiful translations. You need to provide a detailed explanation of every line and set them in the historical context. Translating poetry is always an exercise in compromise.

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 17:40   Заявить о нарушении
well, right, by default, since a translation capturing all subtle aspects of a poem are not possible. But not only for poetry - I recall that comments to the Ulysses are perhaps equal to the text itself, and half of it is incomprehensible without them. So I would argue for the usefulness of three translations: a literary one, a "free" poetic one and an equirythmical poetic one followed by a detailed commentary.

Валентин Емелин   31.05.2017 18:42   Заявить о нарушении
Incidentally, I was just listening to a talk on inability of natural languages to deliver a thought precisely as compared to formulas (like in math, physics, chemistry). We may speak the same language, but connotations could be different depending on the era, family tradition, religion, etc. So, given that, commentaries, no matter how extensive, will still be approximations.

Беляева Дина   31.05.2017 23:40   Заявить о нарушении
Yes, sure:)

Валентин Емелин   01.06.2017 01:31   Заявить о нарушении
But the reason poetry is so enduring is because it evokes emotions. And those emotions may be quite different from the original intent.

Беляева Дина   01.06.2017 04:51   Заявить о нарушении
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