I was late for my own life

I was late for my own life.

I lived ahead — as if it weren’t possible here.
As if the present were just a draft.
I found other people’s addresses,
But I wasn’t used to my own heart.

I was a support and a wall for everyone,
I knew how to save, to decide, and to be useful.
But every time I was left alone with myself here,
I became small and defenseless.

My loved ones would tell me: “Just stay.”
I would reply, as usual: “Later.” Later.”
I didn’t understand: they were my path,
And everything I was in a hurry for was much smaller.

I confused life with moving forward,
Love with anxiety, closeness with a trap.
I believed that someone who lives slowly
Will inevitably become me.

I was so afraid of becoming nobody
That I became a stranger to those who needed me.
I gave myself away to everyone without measure,
But I left my loved ones only crumbs.

I came, but my thoughts were elsewhere —
In affairs, in battles, in imagined fires.
And my loved ones grew accustomed to reading in my eyes
The physical absence of my presence.

They didn’t leave right away. Not out of malice.
At first, they were silent. Later, they fell silent.
And only emptiness uttered
All those words they never said to me.

Now I know the true meaning of the word “henceforth.”
It’s just a polite lie.
While you promise not to grow old,
You’re day by day irreparably heading toward the grave.

I remember the hands that waited for mine,
And the voices I didn’t hear.
I was so busy thinking about the future for them,
That in their present I turned out to be superfluous.

Excuse me. I didn’t know how to love
Without a feat, without salvation, without pain.
It was easier for me to shut the world out
Than to simply be by someone’s side — without any role.

And if I’m still given one day,
I’ll live it not for the sake of an outcome.
I’ll sit beside you. I’ll stay here.
Life is those who wait for us at the threshold.

I’ve been trying to do everything for so long
That I almost lost what’s most important.
But I’m still alive. And, therefore, henceforth…
Will not be. There is now. I'm late.

But I came after all... And I’ll be with you.