Вредные Советы Григория Остера

Несколько переводов, сделанных в качестве тем для обсуждения в клубе Тостмастеров, Торонто. Оригиналы не привожу, их и так все знают :)

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When you visit your friends
Do not greet anyone
Say no "thank you" or "please',
Turn away from requests.
Thus nobody can call you a blab!

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Always washing your hands,
Always washing your face.
Those are silly demands,
They don’t build up your grace.

Effort wasted and time
Washing something that’s soiled
Ears pick up the grime
Even if they are boiled!

Neatly cutting you hair
Makes you feel life is stalled.
You may fall in despair:
Seniors always get bald!

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When you walk by the street
With a handful of sweet
Candies pocketed neat
That you’ve got like a treat

You may fall into traps
Meeting few of your chaps.
Do not hide in the gaps
Eating candies with wraps!

But instead to each friend
Give an honest shake-hand.
Stay just friendly and bland,
Pose like this was all planned.

Then take off to your place
Leaving no clear trace
Where no one you’ll face
And then eat all your glace!

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If your mom had caught you drawing
On the walls of room she’s dwelling
Tell her that it’s not misconduct:
You arrange a gift for mom’s day,
Making her portrait yourself!

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If you ride your bike in house
And you meet your father walking
Leaving washroom unexpected,
Please don’t turn into the kitchen:
You will hit refrigerator.
Better stop into your father –
He is soft and will forgive.

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