-"Он шлет любовь тебе,"- твердят,
Но на ладошку не кладут,
Прошу отдать мне - говорят,
Что дети это не поймут.
Куда-то прячут от меня.
Любовь, как драгоценный клад,
Искала допоздна, но зря.
С усмешкой в сторону глядят,
С любовью буду я добрей,
Мне говорят. Она - в душе.
Прислал бы что-то повкусней,
От кашля, например, драже.
***
Grandfather's Love
They said he sent his love to me,
They wouldn't put it in my hand,
And when I asked them where it was
They said I couldn't understand.
I thought they must have hidden it,
I hunted for it all the day,
And when I told them so at night
They smiled and turned their heads away.
They say that love is something kind,
That I can never see or touch.
I wish he'd sent me something else,
I like his cough-drops twice as much.
Sara Teasdale
Сара Тисдейл. Дедушкина любовь
© Copyright: Галина Иззьер, 2013
Свидетельство о публикации №113072807170
Свидетельство о публикации №113072807170
Рецензии
Agree with the previous reviewer on most points. Except for "cough drops": I think you did that one wonderfully. Also, I'd work on "they said I couldn't understand" and "they smiled and turned their heads away." In the translation, these lines sound as if the adults were sad and uncomfortable, respectively. I don't think they are either.
Евгения Саркисьянц 28.07.2013 22:41 • Заявить о нарушении
Евгения Саркисьянц 28.07.2013 22:41 • Заявить о нарушении
Janya, sooo glad to see!
Yes, I already accepted Valentina's other points (you see that drazhe works just right, thanks for additional support!)
The adults there are embarrassed, all-knowing, sad - don't you see them as such? Love is an awkward matter to discuss with the child. The whole point of the joke is mistaking abstract for the concrete but moving to the abstract is not easy for either party.
Галина Иззьер 30.07.2013 20:10 Заявить о нарушении
Yes, I already accepted Valentina's other points (you see that drazhe works just right, thanks for additional support!)
The adults there are embarrassed, all-knowing, sad - don't you see them as such? Love is an awkward matter to discuss with the child. The whole point of the joke is mistaking abstract for the concrete but moving to the abstract is not easy for either party.
Галина Иззьер 30.07.2013 20:10 Заявить о нарушении
Point well taken, I agree that it is easy to see things that way, but I still think that the sadness and the all-knowing attitude and the discomfort are a matter of interpretation... There are NO specific words in the original that would point blatantly to this interpretation. Hence, it is important to translate in the same way: in a way that could be INTERPRETED like this, but not in the way that leaves no room for other readings.
Евгения Саркисьянц 30.07.2013 22:33 Заявить о нарушении
Евгения Саркисьянц 30.07.2013 22:33 Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 2 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.