Рецензии на произведение «Velimir Khlebnikov. Freedom is entering naked»

Dear Mr. Shivanov, thank you for your comment and wishes of luck. I agree with you – any translation is mission impossible. The second university I have graduated from was Harvard. And what about you?

Валентин Емелин   18.10.2021 11:25   Заявить о нарушении

Well, “Russian West-Point”, Translation and Consulting, eh?

As far as YOU are concerned, “I am being torn apart with some vague doubts” (hope you’ve perceived the allusion #1).
Here comes the second one:
You seem to be approximately of my age so you must have eventually watched the famous film by Ryazanov “Give me your Complaint Register”. Remember the scene where the boss from Trade Department, eager to fire the novelty-prone Cafe Supervisor (played by Golubkina) on “legal grounds”, makes her read an entry into the Cafe’s Complaints Register” to pursuade (literally to compel) her to resign “voluntarily”. While handing it over the boss, trying to stress the importance of the plaintiff, states that the latter is an academician. The inscription (obviously a fake one) reads (briefly) something like this: “…мИню ресторана хорошее, а обслуживание - никуда не годится» and so on and so forth. The Supervisor’s sarcastic comment follows immediately: I suppose the plaintiff is hardly an academician but at the most maybe a corresponding member of the Academy. In response to the interrogative grimace of the boss she quietly says no academician can afford to write the word “меню» with orthographic mistakes…

Sorry for having to use Aesop’s language.
Stay healthy!

Алексей Шиванов   18.10.2021 14:44   Заявить о нарушении

Sorry, I have no clue why you choose English as means of communication with a Russian-speaking colleague, in the style "what clock is it now", taking a lot of effort to translate soviet idioms and not fully succeeding in the end - don't you see how comic it is? But whatever, your call. I also do not understand your sarcasm regarding the "Russian West-point" (unless it is your alma mater and it is not a sarcasm) as well as any need for some Aesopian language. Or maybe it's just a demonstration that you can write in English? Very well, you can, though there is room for improvement

Валентин Емелин   18.10.2021 16:44   Заявить о нарушении

Don’t you try passing the buck, dear colleague: where, in which part of my note have you seen “Russian idioms” I am allegedly trying to translate!?? Where is any “sarcasm” in disclosing my “education curricula”?

Thank you for your appraisal of my written English, though. Your high esteem inspires me.

Unfortunately I can not reciprocally attribute the same flattering characteristics to YOUR capabilities of combining words so that they could form readable and understandable syntagmas, especially in poetry.

Well, as for the reason of why I considered it expedient to correspond in English, it’s easy as pie: IMHO, only adequate native speakers can dare to translate VERSES (and generally prose as well) from FL into their mother tongues. So I presumed it would be easier for you to reply in English. Well, judging by the quality of your “notorious”-for-me translation of Khlebnikov I WAS aware of the insufficiency of your written English, but English (and Russian, and Turkish!!) composition is a very special domain of language possession… I think no need elaborating…
And your translation is awkward and incorrect indeed!

You definitely missed your lessons in Essential Grammar! :)

Saying no offence meant once more.
Nice to have got acquainted with you despite our verbal “clash”.

Алексей Шиванов   18.10.2021 18:43   Заявить о нарушении

My dear friend, I appreciate your feedback. Not necessarily I agree with it, and not necessarily I see it in any way justified. If you were a native speaker, published poetry or critical essays in poetry magazines in English-speaking countries, were educated in a foreign university — I would have considered your comments to some degree valuable. Alas, none of it seems to be the case. So I wish you all the best in your endeavors and would rather end these pointless exercises. Sincerely yours, V

Валентин Емелин   18.10.2021 22:09   Заявить о нарушении

So pull yourself together and don’t you make the esteemed public laugh at your poor endeavours to translate Russian poetry (and especially that of the Russian symbolists and “budetlyane”s) into English, thus trying to perform what even Nabokov did’t dare to encroach upon.
Soothe you arrogance if you can. Having had a chance to study in the rotten USA doesn’t absolutely mean anything! Modesty decorates any human being!
It’s really been difficult to skin through your haughtiness.
Never mind still: success (among profanes) is never blamed. :)

Farewell to the Fairground!

Алексей Шиванов   18.10.2021 22:49   Заявить о нарушении

Ilya, it's mission impossible! I have preserved the structure, rhythm and practically all rhymes - u should agree that the losses are minimal.

Валентин Емелин   07.03.2015 23:59   Заявить о нарушении

спасибо, Марианна - subjects не очень большая разница, но так лучше корреспондирует с сагами.
And flowers drops - относится к свободе.
enters скорее входит, это драматическое: входит такой-то персонаж.
об второй строфе буду думать.

Валентин Емелин   04.11.2014 03:06   Заявить о нарушении

ну может тогда с апосторфом - flower's drops

Марианна Казарян Вьен   04.11.2014 03:19   Заявить о нарушении

почему? freedom... drops flowers on the heart - роняет/бросает на сердце цветы.
инверсия - flowers drops

Валентин Емелин   04.11.2014 03:39   Заявить о нарушении

извиняюсь, извиняюсь, я тут споткнулась из-за инверсии... все верно, конечно.
вообще не люблю инверсии.))

Марианна Казарян Вьен   04.11.2014 03:43   Заявить о нарушении

иногда приходится((

Валентин Емелин   04.11.2014 03:44   Заявить о нарушении