Unbreak My Heart, Unlock My Soul

Lost in this headache town,
Feeling empty and too alone,
How can I stand my ground
When the hope is almost gone.
Close my eyes and what I see -
Just grey space and biting frost,
Oh, this dwelling is not for me,
I'm longing for an amour coast.

Oh someone Please...
Unbreak my heart, Unlock my soul,
My love river is forged with ice 'n snow,
In deep desperation it stuck, cannot flow.

My unknown Miss...
Unbreak my heart, Unlock my soul,
Gimme wings for flight, 'cause I can't soar,
Try to survive, but still in crimson war.

Every night it's cold and frustrated,
Bed for two is too big without a girl,
No light in life, ravens stole it 'n shaded,
I drown in black vortex, a filthy whirl.
Cross my arms and try to pray -
Hardly One will land here to help,
His angels forgot my door and way,
And astral rain pours down like hell.

Last whisper Sounds...
Unbreak my heart, Unlock my soul,
Time has struck for me to disappear,
I scream on mountain top, noone hear.

Eternal Rounds...
Unbreak my heart, Unlock my soul,
Teach me again to smile and to admire,
Look, I'm so dead inside in dark attire.

Lost in this headache town,
Feeling empty and too alone...


Рецензии
Strong emotional atmosphere and a song-like structure) The recurring refrain, "Unbreak My Heart, Unlock My Soul", gives it a sense of longing and quiet desperation. I especially like the images of the frozen river of love and the empty bed — simple but expressive. There are some language issues and awkward phrases that could be polished, but the sincerity of the emotion comes through. Keep writing and experimenting with English)

You might consider a few alternatives to make some lines sound more natural in English:

Just grey emptiness and biting frost
My river of love is frozen with ice and snow
In deep despair, it's stuck and cannot flow
Every night it's cold and frustrating
No light in life, ravens stole it and hid it
Hardly anyone will come here to help
The time has come for me to disappear
no one hears me
Just grey emptiness and biting frost

Тьяната Сакаулкья   31.10.2026 16:18   •   Заявить о нарушении
Большое спасибо за столько внимания
К моей скромной персоне🌷🌹🌷

Дитрих Даркенштейн   31.10.2026 20:05   Заявить о нарушении
Скромная персона, говорите?) Что-то мне подсказывает, что скромность у вас преимущественно литературная, а персона вполне себе с размахом) Особенно это проявляется в названиях)

Тьяната Сакаулкья   31.10.2026 20:11   Заявить о нарушении
💋💋 заслужили

Дитрих Даркенштейн   31.10.2026 20:18   Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 2 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.