I dont like myself

"You're better off dead. You're better off dead"
That's what I told me in my apartment..
I put my music too loud.
Shut my windows and doors.
Hoped for help from the clouds.
Was left with me on the floor.

I'm not feeling bad
I'm not feeling good
I but I'm not getting out of my bed
And am acting so rude

I'm not doing enough.
I'm not doing anything.
All i do is just laugh
And not care about anything

I know i should work. I know i should study
But i still lay in bed with no sense of my body
I'm not going out when i have to for good
I'm not going my chores. I'm just a waste of the food.

I'm better off dead. Im better off dead.
Im saying this now to myself in my head.
Im better of dead. Im better off dead.
Atleast I wont tear no more strings, no more threads.

"Forgive me" I said. "Forgive me" I said.
To the face in the mirror that looks back with dread.
"Forgive me" I said. "Forgive me" I said.
To the mind in my brain that u betray in my head.

I'm not breaking down. And I am getring better.
Sometimes it feels like worse was somehow even better
I had excuses then. I could explain just why
I'm still not doing shit. And living in this lie.

I dont like myself. No more.
I know you think I'm good.
I know you dont think that I'm rude.
I know you love me.
I know that I am not my thoughts.
I know I'm more than i produce.
I know I'm more than I deduce.
But that's not all truly objective.
That's not the truth, cuz its subjective.

I dont like myself. No more.
Somewhere deep inside my core
I wonder If i ever truly did.
Maybe with time I will get rid
Of these thoughts and of this rain.
That doesn't wash the tears and strain.