God, mom

Godless creature,
There is nothing holy in you!
SAVE!
You are incapable of love!
Will you hate until your grave?
«You will find your way in faith»
They said, my mother screamed at me.
But if God is love,
Then my God died
just to escape.

Escape.
Escape from you.
Escape from me.
For your blood is in me.
Black, cold blood.
Who never knew what love was.
But I loved.
I gave years.
But for what?
God,
tell me for what???

In my tiny apartment
A chilling silence reigns
As under the vault of a church assembly
And here, too, there is room for tears.
Maybe my mother was right,
Having nailed the icon to my door:
If evil surrounds me
Then the icon will protect me
But I always believed
That evil resides in a mother who knew no good
That I would suffer for a little while
And run away from my family forever!

Run
Run away from you
Run away from me
After all, your blood is in me
Black, cold blood
Who never knew what love was
But I loved
I gave years
But for what?
God, tell me for what???

 Mom, where is that protection
 What was the icon supposed to give?
 Mom, where were your soft hands
 When I tried to get the knives out of my sholders?
 GOD
 MOM
GOD HOW?
 Love...?