The Lamentations of a sinful Soul leaving the Body

A moment past, I felt the weight, the ache, the cold;
And now, outside myself, my own dead form behold –
Unmoving and unbreathing, face all bloodless, white,
Bearing the stamp of death. O miserable sight!

I sense that I am not alone: unknown powers fill the air.
With horror I feel darkness writhe and coil everywhere.
On every side, the swarming shadows grip and press –
They count me as their prey, they claim my helplessness.*

They waited; they were always close to me,
But I, within the thickness of my flesh, could never see.
Their multitude – with burning coals instead of eyes –
Slowly, relentlessly, they tighten their grim ties.
I hear their whisper, hissing, and in every sound
My name, my secret acts, all echo round.

Now I perceive how awful and complete
The severance from God, the dread, the dark defeat.
I know that now, this very instant, is the test
On which my everlasting destiny will rest.

I scream, but in this gulf my voice is quickly dead.
I call upon God’s name, but lips without a tongue, with dread,
Cannot pronounce it boldly – only with shame I find
That I’m unworthy even to bring that Name to mind.

Each sin of mine arises like a living trace.
Oh, if I could return for just one moment’s Grace!
I strive to call to mind one single deed of light,
One heartfelt prayer – but everything sinks in the night,
In that black sea where all my memories drown.

I stand upon the edge, about to go
Into the unknown, to reap what I did sow
For every word, each deed, each thought I know –
That I’ve amassed...
And now I cannot cancel what is past.

I lift my gaze to where the Angels ought to be,
My last hope – the All-Pure One’s intercessory plea.

…………………………………………………………………………

*I feel I am not all alone: strange powers surround.
With horror I perceive how darkness coils unbound.
From every side the swarms of blackness press and throng;
They count me as their prey, to whom I've belonged long.