Dumberia Reboot

One, two, three... four!
Wake up, player, it's 3 AM!
Your dwarf-king needs you... again!

Log into the server, see the lagging screen
The realm of Dumberia is ruled by a meme
Lord Grumblebeard can't code, he just clicks "reboot"
His wisdom stat is zero, but he wears a fancy suit
He built a golden castle out of broken mods and glue
And every quest he gives you? Yeah, it splits the loot in two

Oh, the dumbest dwarves are ruling in a fake digital land
And the dumbest players grind until they can't lift their hand
You burn your life for +1 sword, for a buggy throne of tin
While the beardy fool just laughs and resets the server again!

The kingdom of Bugavia – the sky is purple gunk
The king thinks "alt+F4" is how you kill a skunk
He lost the sacred database, he formatted the drive
But he's your "Supreme Tactician" in this game you pay to survive
And you, the mighty hero, sitting in your broken chair
Eating cold pizza, pulling out your gamer hair

Oh, the dumbest dwarves are ruling in a fake digital land
And the dumbest players grind until they can't lift their hand
You click and loot for twenty hours, what did you obtain?
A pixelated toilet and repetitive wrist pain!

You scream: "My king, the dragon's coming!"
He answers: "Have you tried unplugging?"
You scream: "My king, the realm is dying!"
He answers: "Shut up, I am flying... a chicken with no wings!"

The third realm, Moronia Online – the king is just a sock
A crusty old peripheral that's running on a rock
He taxes every respawn, bans you for a joke
And you defend his honor on Reddit 'til you choke
Your character sheet's glowing, your real spine is gone
Congratulation, champion – the stupid war goes on!

Yes, the dumbest dwarves are ruling in a fake digital land!
And the dumbest players grind until they can't lift their hand!
You wasted youth for a loading screen, for a laggy, glitching crown
Now log off, touch some grass – before your beard falls down!

Stomp.
...Patch 1.01? Sigh – boots back up.