Capitalist Idiot

Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to the Free Market Circus!
Where every idiot with a silver spoon gets a golden parachute!
Your ticket to hell is... (pausing) ...non-refundable.

The CEO wears a tie made of human skin
He sold your pension for a yacht and a second chin!
The shareholder meeting is just a circle jerk
They praise the "invisible hand" while the other hand — (makes rude gesture)

"Growth!" they scream, while the planet melts
"Profit!" they moan, while the poor eat belts
They invented a thing called "late-stage common sense"
Which means: steal everything – then build a fence!

CAPITALIST IDIOT – golden tie, empty brain!
He'd sell his mother's grave for a quarterly gain!
CAPITALIST IDIOT – look at him dance!
He thinks the free market has a... ...second chance!

Under the golf course... under the mall...
Someone named "Gary" writes a golden rule on the wall:
"If you can't afford bread — eat cake from my IPO —
and if you complain —  — we'll call you a commie, then watch you go slow"

The idiot on CNBC is wearing my father's face
The idiot on Fox News is eating my Medicare brace
The stock market crashed again — 47 times today
Capitalist idiot looks at the camera and says:"...buy more anyway"

CAPITALIST IDIOT – his brain is a spreadsheet
He thinks the homeless are just... "under-bedded"!
CAPITALIST IDIOT – twirl till you drop
He sold the future for a... (pause) ...lollipop!

"It's finger-lickin'... wait, no — It's finger-lickin'... GODDAMMIT! ...let me check the script..."

"This is a test of the Emergency Capitalist System.
Your wallet has been repossessed by invisible hands.
Please continue consuming. This is only a test."

"...ten... nine... eight... seven..."

So I met the Capitalist Idiot... at a bankruptcy auction in Ohio.
He was auctioning his conscience — starting bid: one million dollars.
No one bid.

He looked at me... then at the empty chairs...
And he said:
"But... I followed the rules..."

And then his golden parachute...turned into a plastic bag.

...and then he asked me for a job.