Феникс с эсмиральдой

Oh, how many times I die within a single day…
I do not know — I cannot even count.
At times I die from passion and desire,
Longing simply to be near You. Then again,
I die from the yearning to understand Your moves,
As one would study a game of chess.

And once again I die, just sensing
That Esmeralda has, so lightly,
Brushed me with her hand.
Yet every time, I am reborn.
It was not in vain that I chose
“Phoenix” as my name in social media —
For each time I fall, I rise again.

You told me not to be afraid
When I begin to feel a chill…
But it is no chill — I simply turn to ice.
Without Your presence and Your tender words,
And sometimes through sharp remarks and glances,
I was cast into consuming fire.
There was no need to wait
For detailed explanations —
Your eyes revealed more than words.

I learned to read the weather in You:
To know whether calm or storm was near.
When all was still, I feared the coming tempest,
For I know that after stillness comes the storm.
From storms I searched for “a fifth corner” to hide in,
Yet, strangely enough, I found it,
And there I felt unexpectedly at home.

Why am I writing these lines?
Simply because sleep will not come.
Beneath a down-filled blanket, I am freezing,
And even it cannot protect me from the cold.
Again, I will die…
And again, I will learn to survive.

Английский вариант