Antihero

light is the first lie
they told us: shine
they told us: burn
they never told us: why

I was taught shame in lullabies
in goodnight kisses
in "you're such a good boy"
shame was breast milk
I didn't know its taste
I thought it
was love

and then the others came
with golden mouths
they renamed shame
they called it
duty
honor
sacrifice

gilt of shame
shining robes on naked horror
a hero is someone who died on time
and didn't get to say no

gilt of shame
you burn — and they sing
you bleed — and they
call it light

prometheus
I know your secret
the eagle pecks the liver
and you don't scream
not because you're strong
but because you're ashamed

ashamed to admit
the fire wasn't worth it
that people warmed their hands
and forgot your name
and you hang there
pretending
it was a choice

it was never a choice
it was shame
dressed in shining robes

gilt of shame
gilt of shame

reality is what
they don't paint gold

reality is
dirty hands
sweat
fear
"I can't anymore"
said out loud

and a hero
a hero is an interrupted gestalt
a contact
that never happened

a murder
legalized
glorified
tender
like mother's hands
smothering you
in your sleep

I don't want to shine
I want
to stay
here
in the dirt
in the shame
in the body
alive

not a hero
just
alive