Deathwish to God

Dear Lord, make me a bird
So I could fly far, far away
I don't care if you give me a second life or third
In the end we're all sand and clay
 
Let me be at home in my bed
When I die
And make my death a cat
Which lies on my chest every night

Make me want to wait for it
Like victims wait for their salvation
Just take away my anger and greed
Is it a reason to be your best and most imperfect creation?

I will not cut my life in a gruesome suicide
It's too early to think about hell
Please be my parent, friend and guide
Don't let the sin destroy my shell

Make death feel like a fever
When mother wiped the sweat off my forehead
Who's the believer and who is the griever?
I'm scared that I'm not only sad but mad

Let death be sweet like strawberries in my childhood
And comforting like that mint tea sipped outside
I want it to sing like august grasshoppers in wildwood
And be as soft as my favourite socks, red and striped

Let the warm darkness swallow my bones
When I enter naked the pond of my memories
My stomach is full of stones
So I drown faster, in seconds, not centuries

I shall see only good things
Or better make me blind
The evil is still in my blood and it stings
When will finally come my deadline?

Please have my soul taken to you by someone I love
Let my heart stop not in horror
What's that thing watching me from above?
Death is itself an explorer


I burned and was cold enough in my life
I'll succumb to my pain in peace
Not wanting to start a new strife

In a light damp embrace
May the clouds engulf my sorrow
Dissimilate me entire, leaving no trace
So I will tremble no more tomorrow

Let death be like Snow Queen's kiss for Kay
Don't let my brain defrost
The Earth changed places with the sky, is it okay?
Just don't leave me alone with my thoughts

Finally make me dumb and kind like a fawn
And I'll be young, again 16
Let my death tomb be a lawn
Delightful, pure and green

Father, release this bird that's outta my chest made
I love you in my own way, *whom shall I fear?
Of whom should I be afraid?
Just don't forget me when I disappear


20-21.03-2025

*Psalm 27:1