Sir beck ezumilia

SIR BECK EZUMILIA
(The Elixir of Madness)
A Poem in 222 Stanzas
The Alternative History of Victory

1
Do you know the price of legends?
The expert won't say how much he spends.
A sprout silently grinds the wall with grit.
The astral plane has swallowed people's beds.
2
From there, earthly love steps out with caution,
Like a firebird, wary and bright.
Everything's white, yet the soul feels anxious.
How could one not get drunk tonight?
3
Allah ignored the prayers in the nation’s smoke.
Leaden rain poured down, mixed with poison.
All of this — just a warm-up for the slaughter,
Where smoke is a wall, and you work 'til you drop.
4
Altruistic children
Decided to pack for the march.
Are there any children left on this planet?
Sir Beck Ezumilia is closing in.
5
Truly a vassal among all vassals.
So much life, so much optimism.
Today or nowhere. Catch them. They are few.
He played his part without the drama.
6
Arrests, robberies, executions.
Everything burned that shouldn't have burned again.
Fingers turned white on the door handle.
Fate spits right in Judas's face.
7
And I want to say: there’s never enough money.
God, do you even take prayers for cash?
This carousel has worn us all to the bone.
I’m done playing the hero in this crash.
8
From a torn pocket onto the tablecloth,
On the checkered patterns of spring and May.
Is it a ruble or just a five-piece coin?
You’ll be mine until the break of day.
9
The cart rattles along a dusty path,
Ways part, explosions roar.
Struggle, struggle everywhere, and death notices.
The sky doesn't give a damn about the themes.
10
Today, all we have left is today.
The station, the stinking train, the tunic.
Is that a long, low steamship hum?
A shovel, a raincoat, and a double-barreled gun.
11
I saw her on an empty platform.
A lantern shone, evening poured over her shoulders.
Oh, this moment of intoxicating thrill!
I decided to approach. Let there be a meeting.
12
But she turned out to be a commander.
Not a radio operator, after all.
She won’t be mine. The march plays louder.
Open your eyes. Finish me off, you sadist.
13
You shouldn't look into the eyes of such women.
Run, run fast, while your legs still work.
But believe me, I didn't want to run.
I stand firm and I see the sky.
14
The flash of blue eyes eclipsed the heavens,
Her smile made my heart sick.
Any moment now, I’ll turn into a stone.
Oh God, give me strength to dull the lust.
15
I surrender, I surrender to you — Empress.
I’ll fall at your feet, though I was proud.
I wish I could fly to the fir tree like a bird.
Iodine burns sharper on a New Year’s night.
16
I should treat my wounds with iodine.
Oh, iodine, pour into my heart without rest.
No, it’s impossible to keep thinking,
Bandaging the heart’s wounds in passing.
17
I found out, I found out everything, but there’s no answer.
Time whispered her name to me.
I decided my suffering wasn't enough.
I’m galloping toward the testaments of spring.
18
How much longer must I gallop?
A second, a moment, or centuries?
Only a cry of love in a heart’s wail.
Stop, moment. I am responsible.
19
No. No. Not like this. Time hurries.
The hands on the clock cannot stand still.
And I say goodbye to the one whose name is a burden.
Quietly stroking her tunic.
20
Parted forever. Chance decided everything.
She’s gone without a trace. The heart knows.
It aches, but whispers to me softly:
One more moment. Just a bit. Don't torture yourself.
21
Lying in the grass, covered in dust.
Fifteen more hours to wait for backup.
That’s how the roads are in this country.
Lie down, pray, when you see the squadron.
22
I didn't expect her, she came from the sky like the Sun.
The day melted into shards of events.
There she is, on a parachute, right in the window.
Yo-ho, I’m back in the whirlpool of discoveries.
23
Bumping over potholes, long beginnings.
Eh, it would be cool to live in freedom.
Lying in a haystack again, breathing in the field,
I don't want to start all over again.
24
A hero. I'm a hero again. A Goddess is with me.
Oh, how beautiful the legs, the lips, the shoulders.
Spontaneously, I spoke her name.
Climbed deeper into the hay, tea is close by.
25
Fate sent him to me again —
A boy, how he found me, I don't even know.
But I need to pack up quickly,
The job, meaning the fight, is always on Wednesdays.
26
Battle, battle again, but my thoughts are in the haystack.
These thoughts make my head spin.
With a forehead like this, I should hit the wall all night.
And it's good. There’s no friend nearby.
27
Half-asleep, you probably didn't recognize me.
The soldiers passed and only said briefly:
"He’s gone, an order from the tribunal."
The law is the same for everyone, one set of rules.
28
And I searched for you for months.
Ran around with the photo you gave me.
Half-asleep, I remembered your name.
But it’s all just a total excuse.
29
My love. Wait for me. I’m calling out.
Beloved, your image is brighter than the Sun.
I dream of meeting you all night long.
Look, I’m drinking the alcohol to the bottom.
30
Weeks, months, and years passed.
I didn't find out right away that you were gone.
I burst into tears like a boy. The carousels
Are standing still. And there’s no room for me.
31
Oh, life. Oh, bitter life. How much longer
Will you refuse to do what my heart craves.
Hinder me if you must, but let me get warm.
Otherwise, I’m not far from becoming Judas.
32
The sobbing stopped after a month.
But that wasn't a month of peaceful life.
Just as there’s no place for a rake in war,
It’s a hundred times worse for a Goddess to hear funeral rites.
33
An skillfully drawn sketch
Gathers dust on the table, pleasing the eyes.
An echo of a cooled-down joy
Shakes the sea with its fading power.
34
And this hurricane of passions and emotions
Will keep on fueling the elements,
Stopping me from living, from drinking my fill.
There is simply no way to stay young.
35
And how many times I wanted to see you.
I ran, I screamed, I called out, but all in vain.
Just a little more, and I could have hurt you.
I decided that further wandering was dangerous.
36
And here is war again, I’m on the offensive.
I’ve seen the enemy’s face, I lie still.
My crime has not been washed away yet.
A war hero — that’s enough for me.
37
Years fly by, someone is eighteen.
And I’m all of forty, or maybe more.
I sit here, killed in battles maybe a hundred times.
I’m looking for her. I see a finer image.
38
And it’s strange that I see an image at all.
I cherish the dream of touching her,
Would I ever hurt her?
To run, to fly, and to plunge into the sea.
39
Oh, this time, how fleeting it is.
Love for a moment, then death for the winged.
And the white moth is by no means eternal.
It always considers itself guilty.
40
Fighting the fire is, alas, monotonous.
Knowing all secrets is simply impossible.
You can’t hide the difference from resentment anywhere.
It’s hard to grasp it or even remember.
41
Through moss, through stone, and through time grows
The monotony of actions and events.
No one is safe from the mysteries.
Still, by the end, you just want to get out.
42
It’s always the same thing, honestly.
It would be okay, but how much can one take?
Fighting evil, fighting for two or three words.
Driving carefully through the traffic lights.
43
The reaction to the old stuff is typical.
Though it looks fine, it has no taste.
It hides in the depths, visible to the mad.
While old dealers are busy raking in the cash.
44
Sir Beck Ezumilia was insane.
He dragged his cross calmly to Golgotha.
While someone nearby beat a cold tambourine,
Telling a myth that’s painful to hear.
45
Chasing fate, chasing the Firebird
Is mystical and impossible in thought.
The bird flirts like a queen.
It caresses with fire that can burn you.
46
Wounded. I’m delirious in the infirmary.
Probably the fifth day I’ve begged for a drink.
I saw her, plunged into tenderness.
I drew strength from her eyes.
47
Sir Beck…. Be quiet, you fool. I know. I know.
A fiasco, but I look into her eyes with humility.
From this, I melted like cheese.
Melted in a flash by her imperishable fire.
48
And now things are on the mend.
I stand like a man, not a sufferer.
"Will you walk with me to the ditch?"
"Not today, you are my wanderer."
49
The waiting still drags on painfully.
There is no escape from this sweet ache.
I breathe, and at night I can’t sleep again.
I dream of seeing her on my birthday.
50
A yogi can tame instincts for a long time.
Where can I find a friend who will teach me?
But I don't give a damn, a damn about manuscripts.
Just give her to me, but time is torturing.
51
Love. You’re right. I’ve finally waited long enough.
The vibes from me have found their way.
I ended up right at her feet.
I held her, took her anxiety away.
52
Vibes slowly crawl up from below.
At the sweet hill, they call for help.
I help with my hands and my lips.
Goosebumps, quiet sleep, midnight delight.
53
Ah, how good it feels to be a little mad,
To walk shyly upon a cloud.
Though if there are two of us — that’s different.
I spend all day composing thoughts of this.
54
Sir Beck Ezumilia is back in business.
And this, of course, couldn't be more timely.
The matter is undoubtedly in her body
With a massive braid upon the bed.
55
Today I’m the happiest of mortals.
Of course, I expected this outcome.
Oh gods, ask the god of the wind
To instill love in her, despite the slanders.
56
And what if the girl stops loving me?
I’ll burn out, I’ll dive headfirst into the abyss.
A figure of life from the tree of knowledge
Will help us both more than once.
57
I can’t, I can’t stop looking at you.
Drive faster, my coachman, hit the pedals.
It was so good. We aren't tired.
I stand, I sit, I lie. She’s almost twenty.
58
Too much of a good thing, as they say.
And I’m healthy again, fit for service once more.
Love works miracles. Right, babe?
Fantasy is always in fashion, like a dress.
59
And you stood there, waving a handkerchief.
"Sir Beck Ezumilia — march to the car."
The engine roared, and words are scarce as before.
I just want to give a basket of flowers.
60
Your figure in the field pleases the eye.
My counter clicks, adding up the numbers.
And I’m thinking about fashion again,
Trying to fill a simple thought with meaning.
61
I resolutely do not approve of war.
And if so, why play these games?
The heart has a door. I’m opening it.
My dreams are worthy only of satire.
62
The finale is over. I’m alone in the world again.
Oh, this world. How much longer will you torture me?
How to win, how to become one of your own on this planet?
Otherwise, the clouds in the sky are laughing again.
63
Seize the moment. Look, after the battle
A girls' squad is coming to help your unit.
Resolutely put on your hero's star.
Burst into their lives like a star, forgetting shyness.
64
You bet. It all happened like in a fairy tale.
I came, I saw, I should probably conquer.
But no. My face is covered in paint again.
Decisiveness crushes caution.
65
I sit, I watch, I invite her to dance.
But it’s not enough for her, she loves to listen.
She played the whole part brilliantly,
But she didn't go with me to waste some time.
66
Oh, that look, perhaps one day
It will burst into my life like a May hurricane.
It will throw military awards in my face.
The astral plane will lure me away with its deceit.
67
Sorceress, Athena, enchantress.
I have no strength to stand, I fall at your feet again.
Take with you the page of time
And the ancient tales for our journey.
68
There’s no way back for me, the road is in the field.
I move through life along her paths.
The poppy fields make me shiver.
And I only see your image through a prism.
69
The theater lobby. I hand in my coat again.
I resolutely walk onto the stage once more.
I don't think about it like I used to.
You can’t escape, you can’t build a wall.
70
Why blame yourself, why disturb the wounds?
I saw fate in her honey-colored eyes.
In my sleep, I tossed like a hurricane in the sky.
But in the morning, I woke up new again.
71
To love and be loved is the true suffering.
Pour the whole cup over me without mercy.
I want to hear fate’s confession.
Everything else, I’ll have a hundred chances to do.
72
There is no alternative. I’ve fallen captive again.
Where is my life? Where is death? No more fakes.
I am haunted by her hand once more.
It’s impossible to imagine a poison stronger or sweeter.
73
A secret hides between two paths.
And the tracks and trails will part again.
Toward the hill that opens an ancient way,
I’ll reach out my hand with caution.
74
Oh, I’m caught. My hand strokes the grass.
I kiss a flower, I breathe in the scent.
Still many days left to trudge toward the West.
Love is like a lonely oak grove.
75
Catch the dream while its wings still hold.
Clowning around doesn't lead to success.
Success leads to a shivering wreck.
Work is all that stays with a man.
76
What kind of "work" is there on the front?
Don't you know? Tell me honestly.
Standing until death, or even longer.
Surviving the battle until your chest feels tight.
77
And all that’s left for us later is to remember.
To love and be loved forever.
But this moment echoes in me like a groan.
My love, I behaved carelessly.
78
The sky hums the sounds of a waltz.
It caresses the ear, playing with the clouds.
My love. Just tell me — where are you?
Alone again, standing, living through verses.
79
A light-green and lilac sanctuary
Is prepared for her on the battlefield.
Tell me, God — why? How much longer?
How do I take off this cross and learn to see?
80
But I’ll have to wait longer for the answer.
Changing fate is quite a task.
And there’s no task in the world more delicate.
Living alone again, on the verge of tears.
81
If only my thoughts could reach God's ears.
I’ve learned the ways and I’m rushing back.
There’s a special joy in fathering children.
A moment in the wind, listening to the cry for hours.
82
The wave has gone, the one that caused
The ruin and the rift in the relationship.
Oh, wondrous dream, you’re out of sight.
Reveal yourself in the thrilling moments.
83
The squad heads into the night. Away with doubts.
Fighting enemies for the freedom of faith.
But faith is just firewood for time.
Sir Beck Ezumilia — at the galleys.
84
Rowing with the wind, with all the strength in the body.
Working like a horse plowing a field.
Riding through the meadow, but in reality
Rumors carry doubt and fear.
85
To give all the best that’s in the world
To a child born in a snow whirlwind.
And the rest is simply inevitable.
Is this what I dreamed of once in summer?
86
No time for self-admiration.
There’s still a moment more beautiful than the rest.
Like an antenna of dangerous relations,
We keep on living further and further.
87
And then the moment came. I saw her.
I’ve dreamed of this since that very second.
The ripples of a roaring echo
Are torn from the abyss by a ribbon of travels.
88
How did I end up in this moment?
How did I make it out of the battle's mess?
Playfully, I shielded her with my chest.
I despised the enemies, and it shows.
89
And the bullets flew past again.
They were taught to shoot poorly, it seems.
A bullet has only one home-bound path:
To fly forward; it doesn't know how to think.
90
And the ricochet? That’s a tricky road.
A zigzag of luck and Fortune’s spear.
The astral plane steals souls little by little.
Where is the light, where is the dark, where is Perun’s lair?
91
This cannot go on like this.
I pull the helmet over my head again.
A whirlwind of ideas burst in, but thank God,
I caught one, and I guess that’s enough for me.
92
Lying down. Shell-shocked. A medic by my side.
Her eye burns, outshining the Sun.
"Who are you?" I asked. "A comrade of time?"
That alternative is ruled out at once.
93
There’s hope I’ll get better again.
This leaky head of mine can’t hear God.
Spreading my wings, I look on with longing.
But to her, I’m just one of many.
94
Look, I’m all ablaze with my love.
An artist would see it in a heartbeat.
But you’re so cold it actually hurts.
I wish I could kill the fire and not even flinch.
95
Sobs explode spontaneously.
I swear to God, it’s not on purpose.
I sit, head buried in my hands.
While the world spins in a monotonous waltz.
96
To spite the doctors, I can think again.
I’ve annoyed the staff. Where’s the medic?
The guys say she went missing in the fight.
No wonder she’s gone. It was hell out there.
97
What am I supposed to do with my life now?
Love burns in my chest like a crimson legend.
Vibes scatter in the wind.
I’m tired of dousing them with water and dust.
98
Today I’m alone. Today is autumn.
I was a beggar, and a beggar I remain.
And you know, nobody is looking for me.
My choice is tomorrow at exactly eight.
99
One more second, and I’d have met the bullet.
Iodine wouldn't have spilled on the wound again.
I saw her and fell down happy.
I’m not alone today, I swear.
100
And what is your name, oh angel of happiness?
Will you be my constant muse?
Let’s walk the road of travels together,
Falling into a haystack, delirious without end.
________________________________________
101
Even a strongman couldn't take that hit.
And that was just the first round.
But I lie here laughing, wanting more.
Singing to myself, mad. God be with you.
102
You have no strength to run, oh Artemis.
Riding over the hills is exhausting.
Love can’t be hidden. It’s visible on the road.
And again, the haystack of fate brings us together.
103
How tender, slender, smart, and beautiful!
Your soft voice caresses my ear.
Let’s stay playful, you and I.
One more second, and the ear of grain would have fallen in the field.
104
Sorceress. What’s your name? Goddess.
The answer makes the blood run cold in my veins.
Did you think you could run from me?
Well, no. Your new shelter is ready.
105
I’m pounding on the boards. I’ve worn my arms to the shoulders.
There’s no escape. Oxygen is running out.
"Friend, don't you have a desire to get warm?
To stand in the passage, not out in the wind?"
106
I don't need this choice.
I didn't want this desire.
I decided I must die right there.
To make her happy. Quick, call the squad.
107
They dragged me back from the afterworld. A shot to the heart,
But the bullet flew past, missed me.
No one knew, no one let me get warm.
That was the dream, and no new one is in sight.
108
Ah, the nights we spent together.
We loved with all our might until dawn.
And this is only the beginning. Hello, world.
I’ll remember this in the new world.
109
One cannot remain forever uninvolved.
And this moment lasts, and lasts, and lasts.
No one is on the sidelines, no one is indifferent.
Come on, citizens, let’s procreate.
110
I resolutely set to work at once.
The one I dreamed of — I knew she was out of reach.
I took to starving myself, clumsily.
And the new fortress is inaccessible.
111
Love. Blow up the borders. The battlefield
I’ve searched for so many years, remembering it all.
I can’t stop the shaking. I am eternally wounded.
Sir Beck Ezumilia is right next to paradise.
________________________________________
112
Fate burns like a star in the blue sky.
At my feet is only an abyss, no road.
And I go back. When they asked,
I only smiled. Paradise is for the few.
113
That was the last thing I needed.
My dreams are behind the doors of heaven again.
Luck used to hum to me about this.
Spreading your wings, you fly to paradise playing.
114
Let me look at the wings behind your back.
There are none left, only stumps.
You can’t hide this behind a wall.
You can’t escape the meat grinder of life.
115
One single word and a whole life is wasted.
No more travels, no more hope.
Years fly by, but you stand as before.
There’s no alternative. Back to the school desk again.
116
A tank crawls over my dugout.
No one remembers that terrifying moment.
But I survived, and life’s little vial
Gives me the main argument in the dispute.
117
It’s not evening yet, but the battle is far off.
I resolutely stayed on the sidelines.
Believe me, I don’t know how to live.
The death notice will find its way to the loved ones.
118
Ruler of fates, guide me, have mercy.
And who is that standing there, watching closely?
The source code of life didn't surprise me.
We’ll play the battle all over again as a company.
119
And here is the tank. Back in the dugout again.
I squared my shoulders and the grenade flies.
A direct hit, right in the "nine."
My entrenching shovel touched the lid.
120
How could one not believe in providence?
Dozens of times we replayed the battle.
Love works salvation over everyone.
And those who died — they never knew love.
________________________________________
121
And here we are, celebrating victory again.
I catch strangers' glances on my back.
I saw her after lunch.
I was afraid to approach. I struck from an ambush.
122
I wanted to scare her so she’d run away.
But it turned out I only drew her attention.
And the Wheel of Samsara started spinning.
Sir Beck Ezumilia, you are in exile.
123
Hurrah! I’ve made a choice. Stop the car.
Give me a stop for just a second.
The machine creaked. No machine left.
And here I am, being gnawed by doubts again.
124
Sir Beck Ezumilia. Who are you — a girl?
A little more, and I’ll know the name.
A yogi knows the path of a cool chant.
A little more, and you are mine from now on.
125
"You won’t find out my name at all.
Step back, move aside, make way."
"Of course, darling. Why are you lashing out?
Sit, read. Happiness comes in small doses."
126
Gone. Once again. What a stroke of bad luck.
The finale of this play is no news to me.
Catching love is a heavy task.
And a chasm yawns between us once more.
127
Her trail melted in the misty haze.
I decided not to pursue the fugitive.
I’ll go home. Back to my dugout.
No one walks along the diamond edge.
128
And the truth will go to someone else.
Today is a splitting of the beginning.
There is only one moment of the "other."
A frontier crossed toward the finale of fate.
129
Fatigue softly shackles my shoulders.
Abracadabra of thoughts disturbs the midnight.
The day is cunningly built, and time heals.
I sit and wait; I have no strength left to walk.
130
And you? Where are you? In what remote part?
Decided to live separately? I know.
A lightning bolt doesn't strike twice in the same hole.
You can’t rule fate while cursing yourself.
________________________________________
131
No alternative. Just sit and listen.
As soon as I hear it, I’m on the job.
And if there’s no job, I’m going to eat.
Flying to the mess hall like a bold lad.
132
Oh, that look. The radiance of nature.
The thrill and revelation of the past.
Your green eyes won't let me sleep.
And the blue ones? Let them be for someone else.
133
Where can I get the colors to paint you?
Ah, the way you looked at me.
Green eyes — a little piece of happiness.
And I stand there, not daring to look up.
134
An avalanche of obvious relations
Carries me further, further, further.
I’ll go the way of medals and rewards.
And the blue eyes? There’s too much fake in them.
135
Delight overflows without return.
The glow of fate is getting closer.
As always, nothing but expenses all around.
But I don't give a damn. I live and I see.
136
And this is certainly enough.
He who plays sincerely takes the risk.
It doesn't save from troubles and rumors.
The game is just a shield, but it hurts through the shield.
137
Mystery, riddle, the Sphinx’s pose.
Ah, how wrong you were, after all.
Just a bit more, and the waters of the Styx are near.
Sir Beck Ezumilia, no more games.
138
Oh, I’ll remember that look for eternity.
I won’t forget it at night, by day, or at midnight.
The hand of fate will rest upon my shoulders.
Because of this, I’ll remember much.
139
Darkness. Only darkness and not another word.
Eyes still burn in the gloom of the dugout.
A new tale of victory comes out.
A war hero and a dark-skinned fugitive.
140
Sitting. How can I not sit? I can't sleep.
How many times have I stayed up, catching luck?
A big catch, and the fish means something.
Oh, how could one not get drunk tonight?
________________________________________
141
Decisiveness and daring manners.
That’s how you end up my captive.
Hand in hand. No better gentleman.
Hurrah. I’ve taken the fortress. Come with me.
142
A month has passed, and we’re still together.
I curse myself for staying too long.
I’ve spotted another in a cool place.
I wave my hand, hungry for a new life.
143
This is what I wanted to tell you.
And now I speak openly.
The shadow of fate looms, a mirage of victory.
But once conquered — the dream is buried.
144
When will I appear free again?
I wish I were back in battle; there’s plenty of optimism there.
Oil on the wounds. Know this: I won’t fall behind.
Your gaze turns blue behind a closed prism.
145
I can’t escape this, I know.
I’ve been catching you for years now.
Love will come, I believe, but a different one.
And the old will leave, having broken all the spears.
146
The wind interferes with its shifting leaves,
And I so wanted to read the page.
It caresses the eye with a strange pattern,
Altruistically striking all the faces.
147
Running headlong over life’s potholes.
Standing until death if life isn't enough.
It’s enough for me if there are obstacles.
Which ones? As long as the sky doesn't fall.
148
To work, to work again without sighing,
Wiping your nose and rolling up your sleeves.
You can’t foul, but you must live by playing.
To love even a bug with all your heart.
149
The legend will wrap time in a tale.
The term isn’t up yet, and I’m at work.
I kiss the door. I’ve gone to play with everyone.
Because of this, I’m skidding on the turn.
150
Reality builds up gradually.
If there is no dream, there will only be prose.
And I will recognize her stature in an instant —
The one who will wring only tears from me.
151
Naivety, simplicity, charm.
A sudden rush of youth, a lack of care.
A proud man would see this as a trial,
But I’ll take the credit. I feel uneasy.
152
Ah, how can I draw attention to myself?
I want to know the color of those eyes.
Lilac, cognac, or maybe blue?
I love to play riddles with fate.
153
But there is no answer to my question.
Just a question, but there's plenty of pride.
At the very last threshold,
I stand and wait. In essence, I am empty.
154
No one will convince me otherwise.
I am unable to give this up.
Realistically, even if you’re twenty —
Flirt, don't take fate the wrong way.
155
Hope is born from her lips.
I see big blue eyes.
I lead her into the cave of delight.
But I’m unlikely to hurt her later.
156
And here I am at the goal. The flower is plucked.
I breathe in its scent with all my chest.
I have no strength to groan anymore. Spellbound.
A curly wave leads me to madness.
157
But I don't give a damn. The snakes are dancing,
Rustling through the fallen leaves with damp bodies.
Which one to choose and taste later?
I sigh clumsily about this.
158
Nose to nose. Head to headboard.
The badger-slayer squares his shoulders,
But I have to go to the warlord today.
Sir Beck Ezumilia — the path is far.
159
No strength to grumble. Hello, darling.
And I’m already ready to head West.
It’s sad, but a different fate calls.
I’ll leave her to cry into a handkerchief.
160
Delight. Freedom overflows again.
Is it calculation, conscience, or something else?
From this time, half a year has passed.
To love, but to be free — that is sorcery.
161
Ah, I truly don't know how to find you.
How do I coax a name out of a titmouse?
I’m like a drunk from all this nonsense.
The wheel of Fortune is losing its spokes.
162
Rumors have spread through towns and villages.
Will no one comfort me now?
But I don't give a damn. The songs have gone silent.
I’ve decided to seek the one my heart loves.
163
I haven't seen a soul today.
And I’m fine like that, all alone.
Like a Queen on a chessboard, I fell headlong into the abyss.
A lavender color appeared to me in the night.
164
And the name gives me no peace now.
All my thoughts are just on guessing it.
I have nothing to compare it to. Two are on the agenda.
And I’m still stalling, like I’m at a school desk.
165
Faina or Liza. Maybe them?
They caress the ear with a stifling ecstasy.
Ah, how crowded the planet is, though.
I want to know two beauties at once.
166
A dream. It’s a dream. Of course. What else?
What other doubts could there be.
I wish I could make friends with my own head,
But these are only moments of memory.
167
Her walk along the rowan branches —
A photon showed me, conjuring with light.
She breaks hearts with the ripple of a song,
And then disturbs you with an answer.
168
Light as mist on a rainy morning.
Oh, how charming her breath is to me.
Heavy, vicious sufferings
Are washed away by a fountain of mother-of-pearl.
169
Radiance in the eyes, lightning in the sky.
And this rain, a purling wave.
It’s time for me to go headlong into that abyss.
If only I could remember today's answers.
170
The path from holiday to workday is short.
We never have enough of the good stuff.
I’ve decided to tear the veil of the sky,
But the activator button is stuck.
________________________________________
171
Humming a tune, I trudge toward the dawn.
I decided to bless the evening with an explosion.
On the starboard side, they shout — "Batten down!"
The finale is not far off. It’s clear.
172
I have no strength to curse at my age.
The earthly lot is to suffer and be saved.
Physically valuing the dictates of fashion.
Calling the found meaning "love."
173
Is this not happiness — to be free?
Is this not grief — to be apart?
A hero, a hero, but a blessing acquired.
Iodine drips slowly onto my hands.
174
If only I hadn't fallen captive to the Goddess.
I've been there long, but still don't know the name.
Because of this, hope is dying.
My lot is to be in a foreign land.
175
Sir Beck Ezumilia — it is evening time.
How about the explosion? You promised.
The wind gave me good advice.
But did you give the promise in writing?
176
If so, there is no paper, only the word.
Many have tripped over this word.
Let the finale wait for someone else.
Today I changed my mind; we smiled.
177
The earthly lot — to spend a lifetime in papers.
It’s sad, and it’s inevitable.
To find a Goddess in life’s troubles.
And raise her diligently for that role.
178
Refusal. Refusal everywhere. Slander everywhere.
Foul. Another foul. Total failure.
Mysterious, she came by way of a comet,
Rejecting everything earthly. The sea is crying.
179
The system's reaction is clear to me.
What should I call you? Find me a name.
Tamara? Aliya? Or Svetlana?
"Today, I’ll be Leah for you."
180
And tomorrow? What will tomorrow change for us?
Your choice is made. Tomorrow is fixed.
How am I to be, how to live with everyone again?
Dig up only the truth in the papers.
181
You'll find it in the stinking back alleys.
The battle will be life, and let life become a battle.
Don't lose her at the turns.
May the wave turn into surf in an instant.
182
It’s getting clearer from these words.
But it’s still foggy for now.
Oh, I don't even dare to think yet
Of deciding to deceive her with deceit.
183
Oil. You’re dripping onto my shirt.
You can’t ruin things so shamelessly.
I’ve checked the shivering, and evening comes.
The Great Bear — he is my prophetic companion.
184
Strongman. Handsome, and not in the sky.
Why? There is no answer in this earthly vale.
I catch the moment. If only I could reach the heavens.
My head suffers from this.
185
To run with all my might toward the dream.
And the name? Haven't forgotten. I keep repeating it.
I fly through the gloom on that peerless evening.
Ah, how long I’ve waited. I will recognize you.
186
Her sonnet tears my soul to pieces.
A tear in a gaze the color of whiskey.
Is this not joy and happiness?
Love has come to me, and time has turned sour.
187
The hero remained in that distant past.
Today I am a student, almost penniless.
Hurrah. I am young again, hoodwinked.
The game is born for everyone with everyone.
188
Take a risk. Find me. No need for battle.
The hedgehogs remained in white monuments.
No point in running. Three are on the agenda.
And a book for me as a gift. The lot of the brave.
189
Naively, I accept the gift from women.
It blows my brains out like a gunshot.
The new fate is a web of fine cracks.
The old one shattered. Where are you, angel?
190
Radiance from a stained-glass window in the flat.
From there, the path curls into the world's sky.
Let Palmyra be already destroyed,
History is a broken satire.
191
A dream. It’s a dream. Of course. It can’t be.
How am I to fight if I am in two worlds?
And my revolver answers me again:
"Risk your health. Try to stay here."
192
The astral plane closed with a dashing whistle,
Leaving my vision in the past.
It’s naive to think that I am with everyone.
I’ll just joke about the future.
193
Battles and fates will merge in two worlds.
The decisive fight in the "between-worlds."
I was killed instantly in that battle.
Taking the lead, I’ll wake up in the flat again.
194
How long is the way to apartment thirty-eight.
Nothing but trouble from this path.
I cherish the dream of waking up in autumn,
Catching hares and baking them with bread.
195
And it all started so obviously.
Now I don't know what I'm like in this world.
The night whispers a name quietly. Just my imagination.
And I suffer again. No answer.
________________________________________
196
The dawn will find us playing.
Aurora will strike the windows with a shot.
A ballet is coming to Tula soon.
Is the "Seventeenth" shocking the heart again?
197
And now the moment has come to branch the space.
Anxiously, I accept the invitation.
Those "eighteen" are back once more.
I trudge with a bouquet to a birthday party.
198
You stretched out in a candid dance.
And I watch. I’ve never seen anything like it.
All the guests are slowly saying goodbye.
Her hand caresses without rest.
199
Why these torments, honestly?
I take off my clothes. You are ready.
Oh, abyss of female charms, expect nothing else.
The hero has arrived, creating it all anew.
200
And so it would go on forever.
Earthly love is no match for the heavenly.
Eh, earthly life is very fleeting.
You can’t live it in a cramped little room.
201
Iodine, iodine again. I didn't go to the meeting.
And you waited for me, then cried.
Your plan is shattered, two words in one evening.
I wish you’d explained what you broke.
202
You dare not try to catch me anymore.
That is my lot. To be a one-woman man.
You’ll get to know her features better.
Love is a choice in a city park.
203
Natural as a bird in the blue sky.
Goddess, I came, and I stayed.
No matter that it’s eighteen again.
The dawn will find us. If only I could wake up.
204
I wake up quietly, but you are sleeping.
And that’s good. No one knows.
I sit and sing, a freshman once again.
The night sunset wiped the colors from the sky.
205
Oh, this battle. Two tank armadas.
And I’m in the middle like a hare.
I escape by fleeing, hiding in an ambush.
Now try to catch the hare for a full month.
206
Mountain. Cover me with your shroud.
Reveal the secrets of dreams and the universe.
I still want to know the legends of fate.
Cover me with your harsh cloak of shadows.
207
No point in running. Here, I’m just a stone.
No one would even think that a hare
Opened a portal between worlds again.
Moscow. Your jester has returned.
208
A yogi fans the coals beneath his seat.
He’s not hard to understand, if needed.
Victory in the world will turn into hell.
A lilac bracelet. Time to report for duty.
209
From these rhymes and this chorus,
The bus and the whole stop are stuck.
And I sit and sing to the sky as before.
I’m afraid of you, you miserable half-breed.
210
A wound that flew into my back,
But my father squeezed it out like a pimple.
It hurt for a long time, but finally it’s gone.
I cannot stay here beside you.
211
Oh, maiden, teach me to play the harp.
I have no strength. I want to live with you.
Or maybe the guitar? Where’s the apron?
Shall we make pictures with swans?
212
I resolutely enter the battle.
Only one thing is bad: another is with you.
No need to foul, to ruin the exercise.
Her chants are gulls and pigeons.
213
I cherish the flower that is our friendship.
And you are still reflecting. That’s clear.
I lower my gaze; how beautiful you are.
Your service shines with radiance.
214
There is no alternative. We live in a world
That’s big, but there’s little work in it.
I’ll resolutely clean up the apartment.
While you tiredly pull along your career.
215
Mine. You are mine again. Mine forever.
Or maybe more? Maybe infinitely?
But I don't remember. Maybe I’m careless?
I’ll tie the clock hands together on the dial.
216
Where is my end? Where are you — my delight?
I haven't balanced the time yet.
You will be mine. There are no barriers in the world,
Only distances and gaps.
217
Sir Beck Ezumilia. The choice is — Leah.
Let eternity roar from this.
The hero, who was always careless before,
Has settled down now. Is it really you?
218
I calmly say: of course, it’s me.
How much strength was enough to run between worlds?
But now I stand here, and infinitely,
I am always ready to be together, beside you.
219
The tale is coming to an end.
You can’t retell it in a couple of lines.
Drawing, dancing, and singing — it’s all a punishment.
And a tussock marks the path through the swamp.
220
The hero found his fate through gloom and time.
It wasn't so easy, was it?
Earthly love. A seed in the twilight.
And the unearthly? It’s not on the map.
221
What if Earth and Sky were carefully
Twined with a string, and water was brought?
Heavenly love — don't breathe anxiously.
I will remove all the spokes from the wheel of time.
222
Ah, that wheel! Let it run in circles,
Scattering sorrows and woes.
A lost tale that a friend told me,
An alternative history of victory.
THE END