The Real Product

Disclaimer:

This is a public service announcement
Brought to you, in part, with a large DEDICATION TO Slim Shady IF HE WERE A PRODUCT MANAGER (Tell them that the–)
The views and events expressed here are totally fucked as our features (Yeah)
And are not necessarily the views of anyone
However, the events and suggestions that appear on this track
Are not to be taken lightly by CEO's (Tell them that–)
Marketers should not partake in the listening of this track
With their own cockroaches in their head (Tell them that–)
Slim Shady or me (just the humble translator on product's language) is not responsible for your actions (Let them know–)
Upon been involved in product management or startups
You have agreed not to try this at your office(Right)
(A-anything else?)
Yeah, don't work with assholes ;)



"The Real Product"

[Intro]
May I have ur attention, please?
May I have ur attention, please?
Will the real Product please stand up?
I repeat
Will the real Product please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here


[Verse 1]
Y'all act like U never seen a Product before
BRD all onna floor like Napoleon. MVP is a core
And start developin’ better than ever before
The 1st bread was baked, or 1st furniture (agh)
It's the return of the "Oh, wait, no way, U R kidding
He didn't just say that pitch, did he?"
And C.E.O. said
Nothing, U idiots, C.E.O. is locked in ma’ basement (ha-ha)
Feminist lawyers love Pro’
Chicka-chicka-chicka-chicka, Product,
I'm sick of him, look at him, 
walkin' around, grabbin' his U-know-what
Flippin' the U-know-who", "Yeah, but he's so cute though"
I probably got a couple of screws up in ma’ head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in investors bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on Project and just let loose
But can't, it's time 4 today’s 8th gin’n’juice
"My pitch is on ur lips, my pitch is on ur lips"
And if I'm lucky, U might have a lil’ profit
And that's the message that we deliver to lil’ biz
And expect them not 2 know what a roadmap is
Of course, they're gonna know what roadmap is
By the time they hit 4th USP they've got Discovery, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but managers
Well, some of us cannibals who cut marketers like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead competitors 
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
CEO’s, wave your OKR’s first, sing the chorus, and it goes 


[Chorus]
I'm a Product, yeah, I'm the real Product
All U other products R just imitating
So won't the real Product please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm a Product, yeah, I'm the real Product
All U other products R just imitating
So won't the real Product please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?


[Verse 2]
Big N don't gotta cuss in ‘dem games 2 sell millions (Nope)
Well, I’d do, so fuck ‘dem & fuck U too
You think I give a damn about a glance fame?
Half of U critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But bro, what if U’ll B there? Wouldn't it B weird?"
Wha’? U think glance is break free? It’s lock-up wizz no real G’s
I am underground, in pop there is nothing to B proud of 
Every real artist will repeat it out loud
So I can sit wizz ma’ MVP
Near 2066, C.D., L.A.C.
Swim only inna Blue Oceans (shhhh) 
Walkin’ on water wizz theory of Real Options
Think I should PLF ma’ MP3
And show the whole world how they can pay me big fee
I'm sick of you lil’ CBDO’s and CMO’s, all you do is annoy me
So I’ve been sent here 2 replace ur shit
And there's a million of just like me
Cusdev like me, just don't give a fuck like me
Who test like me, pre-launch, launch, re-launch like me
And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me


[Chorus]
I'm a Product, yeah, I'm the real Product
All U other products R just imitating
So won't the real Product please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
'Cause I'm a Product, yeah, I'm the real Product
All U other products R just imitating
So won't the real Product please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?


[Outro]
Ha-ha
I guess there's a Product in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up


Послушай как это звучит:
Disclaimer: https://suno.com/s/pkFTCCGTDcFzcEBl
сам трек: https://www.culture.ru/poems/39087/ne-pozvolyai-dushe-lenitsya