Vasilich and the Turbulent Start of 2026

By Boris Bakhmetyev

At last, after the New Year holidays, I was able to meet with Cactus Vasilich, who continues to act as the head of the office during the boss’s untimely absence. Together with the boss’s secretary, Iskrina Romanovna Kiskova, we carefully poured a bottle of mineral water from the reception area into Vasilich’s pot.

I came to Vasilich with messages from ordinary citizens, including those from the regions. First and foremost, the citizens asked me to convey their admiration for his unbending firmness amid the torrent of turbulent geopolitical events that marked the beginning of the New Year. Even the critical situation involving the boss’s friend — and now Vasilich’s friend as well — from Latin America, Pikolas Wilduro, did not shake the steely yet wise Cactus’s resolve. The thing is, Wilduro himself refused Vasilich’s offer of evacuation at the last moment. As a result, he was unable to save his valuable cactus collection in the face of blatant external aggression. But that’s just how real politics works.

Some citizens also shared their hopes and concerns. They said that housing and utility service fees had risen sharply, and prices in general had skyrocketed beyond measure. People say their only hope lies with Vasilich.

Moreover, the Moscow delivery couriers whom Vasilich unofficially oversees asked me to pass along their message. It has become extremely difficult to deliver orders around Moscow due to the unceasing snowfall. Maybe it’s time to hit this snow front advancing from the West with some kind of terrifying projectile? After all, for days now, you can neither walk nor drive…

Well, forgive me, Vasilich, but there’s quite a lot piling up at the very start of the year… Yet people believe in you and know that you won’t let them down.

Cactus Vasilich listened calmly and confidently to everything, and assured me that, as always, he would not let anyone down. Showing his ongoing proactive concern for the citizens, he asked me to tell them that on Epiphany, those whose immunity has been weakened by the New Year celebrations don’t have to dive headlong into an ice hole — they can simply immerse themselves calmly.

January 12, 2026