New Year Address by Cactus Vasilich

By Boris Bakhmetyev

On the eve of the New Year, the secretary of the chief executive, Iskrina Romanovna, gathered all the office staff in his cabinet and read out the New Year address to the team from Cactus Vasilich, who was standing in for the boss during his untimely absence due to an unknown illness. Vasilich himself maintained a meaningfully approving silence, basking in the admiring glances of the young female employees, who were impressed by the manly ruggedness of his appearance and the depth of his philosophical thought.

“Dear colleagues! We are closing this year with even more impressive results in our exceptionally valuable work than the previous one. Over the past year, our office received twenty percent more documents from other offices. Without exception, all of them were carefully reviewed, discussed in numerous coordination meetings, and sent to even more offices with detailed cover letters.

Every day, many times over, the red lights on the employees’ desks would flash, and the staff would immediately rush to their respective supervisors to receive new guiding resolutions.

Such obvious successes allow us all to look confidently into the future and make even more ambitious plans for the coming New Year!”

At this triumphant moment, Cactus Vasilich felt an immense sense of pride in the team. After all, there still lingered within it the spirit of Evgeny Vasilyevich, a modest office employee who outwardly resembled the chief executive. Evgeny Vasilyevich remained in a coma due to an unforeseen allergic reaction to a sip of chamomile tea from the special canteen. Like his prototype, Vasilich tenaciously and meticulously held in his memory every detail of the bureaucratic process and sincerely rejoiced in his colleagues’ successes.

Iskrina then moved on to the most dramatic part of the address:

“Colleagues! We must not forget that life does not stand still. In our dynamic age, amid the fervor of our bustling work, we feel this especially acutely.

I believe it is time to fundamentally address the issue of updating the office’s leadership — of course, only until our dear, untimely absent leader returns. I am ready to temporarily step aside and make way for the younger generation! I propose that one of the chief executive’s deputies take the helm of the office in the New Year. Either one or the other — I have not yet decided, but I will make up my mind a little later…

As for myself, I am not planning to retire just yet. If I am granted the high trust of the leadership and the public, I am prepared, as the chief executive promised me, to take up the honorable pot of Chairman of the Cactus Greenhouse at the Apothecary Garden.”

After these words, a tense silence fell over the cabinet. All the employees stared with widened eyes — at one another, at Cactus Vasilich, and at the chief executive’s deputies. In this silent scene, there was a palpable sense of anxious anticipation for the coming changes and an acceptance of their inevitable inevitability…

December 30, 2025