Vasilich, Proposal to NATO

By Boris Bakhmetyev

Recently, a high-ranking Russian diplomat contacted Cactus Vasilich — who is temporarily substituting for the chief executive during his untimely absence — through a confidential channel via Irskina Romanovna, the reception secretary. The diplomat conveyed the concerns of his NATO counterpart regarding the increasing number of wolf attacks on reindeer in Lapland originating from Russian territory. Faced with this issue, Europeans are considering imposing new anti-Russian sanctions. However, through informal channels, the West is exploring whether it might be possible to somehow restrain the wolves.

Vasilich held consultations with the Wolf and the Hare from Well, Just You Wait! (Nu, pogodi!), but their opinions diverged. Naturally, the Hare advocated a more peaceful approach. As is often the case, consensus could not be reached. Once again, Cactus Vasilich had to make a solitary, responsible, and resolute decision…

He asked that the following message be conveyed to the diplomat from the unfriendly state:

In the foreseeable future, one should not expect the wolves to become submissive. In the forest, especially during winter, the food situation is deteriorating, which increases social tension that is not always possible to keep within formal boundaries. Therefore, the West must rely solely on itself when addressing the problematic situation in Lapland. It should be understood that additional sanction measures will not yield a positive effect but will only intensify the hungry ferocity of the wolves.

A reasonable proposal would be to organise self-defence and psychological rehabilitation courses for Lapland’s reindeer under the auspices of the North Atlantic Alliance, engaging NATO’s best instructors.

Vasilich reminded the Western «partners» that politics is the art of the possible.

December 24, 2025