Vasilich Goes in for Diplomacy

by Boris Bakhmetyev

Oh, Vasilich, you’ve outgrown the little book I put together about you — "The Amazing Stories of Cactus Vasilich". It turns out you’re far too popular…

One evening, I went to a bar in central Moscow with a friend. After a while, a special hostess came over to offer us the bar’s signature infused spirits and tequila. Yes, tequila… Vasilich, that’s how you came up in the conversation.

The girl introduced herself very formally — Arina Rodionovna. She mentioned that her grandmother, Marfa Izrailevna, was from St. Petersburg and always stressed that they were Russian.

As Arina was offering tequila, she started talking about cacti — asking what kinds we knew.

Well, what cacti do I know? Obviously, I know Cactus Vasilich quite well. I told her so. She asked, “Who’s that?” I suggested she just search “Cactus Vasilich” online. She did, and got this answer:

Cactus Vasilich is the hero of Boris Bakhmetyev’s stories about a cactus growing in the office of a top executive at a Moscow company — when the boss is away. The spirit of a modest employee, Yevgeny Vasilyevich, who fell into a coma after sipping chamomile tea from the company’s special canteen, has taken possession of the cactus. Vasilich takes on the challenges of running the company and isn’t afraid of responsibility. This earns him unquestioned authority both inside and outside the office.

I told Arina that, in principle, Vasilich is ready to solve any problem. At that point, my friend — a responsible employee at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs — mentioned a certain ambassador who was about to travel to an African country, where, unfortunately, a military coup had just broken out. The top of the army had arrested the president and seized power. The ambassador was at a loss: to whom, in this situation, should he present his letters of credence?

I did my best to reassure my colleague. I told him to pass on to the ambassador: There’s no need to go to Africa at all! All he has to do is come see Vasilich — Vasilich will receive him and handle everything that needs handling. After all, Vasilich is every bit as good as an African president — he’s just green.

Then Arina asked, “Can I come see Vasilich too?” Knowing Vasilich’s generous nature, I replied, “Of course! Right after the ambassador.”

We agreed that Arina would come to Vasilich with her girlish troubles — right after the ambassador…

Good luck, Vasilich…

November 27, 2025