Vasilich to Face a New Transformation

  Cactus Vasilich was present at a meeting in the office of the company’s top executive — a meeting held by his deputies, in the absence of the Boss himself. The reason was urgent: the boss had been hospitalized at the Central Clinical Hospital the day before with an acute heart attack. The doctors’s prognoses were gloomy. Even if the post-infarction surgery went well, a long rehabilitation would be required — with no guarantee of a full return to active duty.

  The deputies were deeply alarmed. If the boss didn’t recover, a new one might be appointed. Or the entire office might be disbanded for lack of need. It was unclear which would be worse.

  Then the first deputy summed up: “We can’t lose him…” What Vasilich heard next made him involuntarily swell up and bristle with all his spines…

  The first deputy went on: “Do you remember that Evgeny, I think… Yes, Evgeny Vasilyevich. He used to walk around the office corridors with a folder, unsettling the young staff with his resemblance to the top boss…”

  “Yes, we remember,” another deputy replied, “but he’s… well, he didn’t wake up after having tea from our special cafeteria…”

  The first deputy, who was more informed, said: “He didn’t die, just fell into a coma, unconscious. The doctors say it was an unexpected acute allergic reaction to chamomile tea.”

  “And what do you propose?” asked the other deputy.

  “I think,” the first continued, “that it would be a good idea to bring Evgeny Vasilyevich back to his senses. Train him a bit. Make him grunt, cough in a characteristic way, twitch his foot while sitting in the chair. And then present him as the boss! Even our own people would be too afraid to suspect anything. The main thing is to keep the other offices from sniffing anything out.”

  “But what about the real boss?” the other deputy wondered.

  The first deputy smiled broadly: “Let him rest after the surgery, if he survives, in a closed-type sanatorium. And then, as God wills…”

  “But will Evgeny Vasilyevich agree to this?” the other pressed on.

  “After waking up from his blackout, he won’t remember anything. We’ll just convince him that he is the boss,” the first deputy reassured him.

  Vasilich once again experienced a quiet shock! So his body lay lifeless, while his soul dwelt in a cactus. But they wanted to resuscitate his body — to use it as a replacement for the top boss. Vasilich felt afraid. Now, on the contrary, he shrank inward — yet bristled even more at the prospect of his own future…

Boris Bakhmetyev, June 25, 2025