The Counter of Unspoken I Love You s

The traffic light blinks green, but I stand still.
Your back is fading into the grey fog, I watch.
A lump in my throat — sharp as broken glass.
I wanted to scream, but time has run out.
One click inside, somewhere under the left rib.
Stayed silent once again. I did everything "bravely" again.
Bravely hid my eyes, bravely swallowed the words.
My head is splitting from this silence.


I save them like old receipts in an empty wallet.
Every "I love you" that froze on my tongue.
They drag me to the bottom, heavier than stones, heavier than lead.
It seems there will be no end to this torture.

Припев
This damned counter spins without brakes!
Three thousand two hundred unspoken words!
Every time you smiled not at me,
I added a unit to the black display in the silence.
Click — and the heart skips a beat.
Click — and a fire ignites inside.
Why is it so easy to be silent, but so painful to breathe?
I'm tired of multiplying this count in my head.


Remember Tuesday? We drank cold latte.
You asked: "Are you happy?", adjusting the scarf on your coat.
I nodded. Plus one. I lied to you for the hundredth time.
Although the truth was screaming in the corners of my eyes.
The "Backspace" key is my only friend at night.
I type messages and delete them myself.
The phone screen knows more than you do.
It is the witness of my muteness.


What if it breaks? If it burns out?
If this mechanism inside me goes silent?
Maybe only one number is needed,
To reset everything and make it all pass?
But I am afraid. Afraid that in return — silence.
And then I won't need this number anymore...

Припев
This damned counter spins without brakes!
A million lonely, strangled words!
Every time you left for others,
I remained one-on-one with this count!
Click — and the world crumbles to dust.
Click — this is a terrible, bitter reality.
Why is it so easy to be silent, but so painful to live?
I don't know how to stop this counter.


Three thousand two hundred... fifteen.
You turned around.
And I stayed silent again.