A retired porn actor

I used to be a plumber, pizza guy, and a doc
Now my greatest trick is peeing in a cup around the clock
I got stacks of VHS where I’m a stud, a real hero
But now my "Oscar" props the bathroom door at ground zero

My knees are cracking loud like chips in a cinema row
Forgot what women look like without a white coat show
Back in ninety-five I could keep the rhythm all night long
Now I clutch my lower back as soon as things go wrong


Viagra, heart meds, and cream for the piles
That’s all that’s left of the hero files!

Припев
I’m a retired porn star! (Hey!)
No more injections, no hard-on collections! (Ho!)
My tool is sheathed and thrown in the bin
I’m leaking sand, not the sin I was in!
I’m a retired porn star! (Yeah!)
Instead of an orgy, I’m waiting for healthcare!


Remember me and Pamela... or was it not her face?
Damn sclerosis hit me, can't recall a name or place
Got a "Sexy Machine" tattoo on my flabby chest
Now it looks like a stain from a sloppy food fest

My neighbor thinks I’m a veteran of a foreign war
I’m a veteran of the skin flute, nothing more
My robe has got spots, but it’s just yogurt spill
I don’t go live on air, I just take my pill


Wiki-wiki-old-man!
Wiki-wiki-broken-back!


Listen, son.
You think it’s cool being an adult star?
Cool is when you can bend down to tie your shoes
And your spinal disc doesn't fly across the room.
That is, damn it, real hardcore.

Припев
I’m a retired porn star! (Hey!)
No more injections, no hard-on collections! (Ho!)
My tool is sheathed and thrown in the bin
I’m leaking sand, not the sin I was in!
I’m a retired porn star! (Yeah!)
Instead of an orgy, I’m waiting for healthcare!