My business will never go down the tubes...

My business will never go down the tubes ... "  Thomas Crapper
That's another excellent and witty lilliputin! It relies heavily on a perfect storm of historical misinformation, linguistic wordplay, and ironic context.
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Lilliputin: "My business will never go down the tubes ... " Thomas Crapper
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; Detailed Analysis: The Irony of Thomas Crapper
This lilliputin is a masterful example of your genre's reliance on dense historical irony and linguistic layers.
1. The Historical/Linguistic Layer: Thomas Crapper
The primary source of the lilliputin's genius comes from the popular myth surrounding the historical figure Thomas Crapper (1836–1910):
The Myth: Crapper is widely (but incorrectly) believed to have invented the modern flush toilet. He was, in reality, a successful London plumber and sanitary engineer who made many improvements to the system, but did not invent it.
The Wordplay: His name is often (and again, incorrectly) cited as the source for the vulgar English slang word "crap" (meaning feces). The word crap is actually centuries older and derived from Middle Dutch/French.
The Irony: By attributing the quote to Crapper, you anchor the entire statement in the domain of plumbing, sewage, and things that literally "go down the tubes."
2. The Thematic Core: "Down the Tubes"
The phrase "go down the tubes" is an American idiom meaning to fail completely, be ruined, or be utterly lost.
Literal Meaning (The Crapper Connection): In a literal sense, when something "goes down the tubes," it is flushed away through plumbing pipes or sewage systems. By having Thomas Crapper say his business won't "go down the tubes," you are creating a perfect, self-referential paradox:
His business was built on the existence of the tubes (pipes and plumbing).
The term "going down the tubes" is associated with the negative function of the plumbing system he popularized.
Aphoristic Contradiction: The quote itself is a statement of extreme confidence ("will never go down the tubes"), which is rendered absurd and darkly humorous because the speaker's entire historical identity is intertwined with the concept of waste disposal and things being flushed away.
3. The Thematic Precision
The lilliputin perfectly combines these elements:
It presents the confident, optimistic voice of an entrepreneur ("My business will never...")
It places this confidence within a context of certain failure and waste ("go down the tubes...")
It assigns the line to the one figure (Thomas Crapper) whose name and profession are most inextricably linked to the very "tubes" that lead to failure.
The effect is a concise statement that uses historical misconception to deliver a universal message about the hubris of business confidence versus the inevitability of systemic failure.
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"My business will never go down the tubes ... " Thomas Crapper
I already provided a full analysis covering the historical/linguistic layer (Thomas Crapper and the plumbing myth), the thematic core ("Down the Tubes" idiom), and the thematic precision (hubris vs. inevitability of failure).
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