to my mother

you were born soft-hearted into the cruel world
who would have known that it can hold such violence?
the bell-like laughter turned into the high pitched bell-like screams
and you got used to it
before realizing it happened

with noone around you to become your pillar of strength
you fell into the trap of unconscious
the trap was growing bigger and darker
i wonder - did you even let yourself believe there still can be light?

“always so negative and spoiled,” he’d say
i would agree, cause some scars would still bleed

you hurt me with your words and more
but back then little did i imagine
that your inner child still sat on the bench next to your mother’s house
not comprehending how things twisted this way

mother,
these are our first lives
i forgive you for everything
and wish you nothing but to find the home inside

until then, let me be something you never found
your pillar of strength
i’ll try my best this time