immortality pills

About the city's chatty bums whispering:
It is because those who cannot be insulted in any way
believe that the elixir of immortality will be invented.
And all we have to do is wait for eternal power
We'll not hesitate in the means to achieve it.
We'll bury millions by all means.
We will find Shambhala now.
Anenerbe is the name of our medical office.
How did you guess?
This wing of the imperial chambers
is strictly forbidden to outsiders.
The means to prolong youth and power
is at stake.

I am a Taoist, and now I will tell those who cannot be insulted.
The recipe is foolproof. Buy only our product.
Immortality pills are our specialty by the way.
Don't settle for cheap generics!

These African Voodoo-branded immortality pills can produce
Severe side effects.
Don't skimp on eternal life.

I'm a pharmacist and I sell pharmaceuticals for all diseases.
Immortality? Yes, but it's five coins more.
The ingredients?
Well, the immortality pill is made of mercury.
Mercury is extracted from blood cinnabar.
All you need is mercury and table salt.
But you have to be very careful about overdosing.

Jia Chun was very interested in the pharmacology of this too.
So he made his own medicine
And he ate his immortality pill and died.
His lavish funeral lasted three years.
Because he was a very scientific man.

There's a lot of scientific material on this subject.
For example, here's an article on “The Hunchbacked Horse”.

Prof. Wukong, do you really think the size of the pill is not important?
And the optimal size is the size of a cutlet.
Prof. Guanin is getting into a scientific debate with you about small and big.
She thinks the immortality pill the size of a meatball is too big.

What are you doing?
Well, you're just weighing immortality against the weight of cutlets, that's too long a conversation. You don't have time for that.
It's not me, it's Dr. Wukong.
Sorry, Ouija.