What does it mean?

Your abwehr abutting my abstraction,
so I matched my cravings and your attraction.
My doctor said this pain is not finite,
but I let my woebegone mornings metamorphose my every fine night.

Where did you go now to be sheltered?
You didn't start war, but you had to end it.
The consequences of this shambles can't be mended.
The corrivals dothed the allies and fondled pretenders.

You run, but I stay.
I'm dying again.
"How comes" and "what ifs" pounding through my Goneril head.
And memories tickle my chest from within.
All I wanted to know is
what does it mean?

Said there's a lot of fish in the sea, but you're a bad wisher.
And I can't keep my eyes open, though to live like a fisher.
And you won’t drill your niche to fit my dimensions.
I already hear you calling it pretentious.

You point to the heaven and call it Abbadon.
A few heart-skipping beats later my one-ghost town left abandoned.
Pretending there are cushions down in the abyss,
so if somebody's dying and screams is it real?
If nobody hears it?

They'll all be laughing, discussing
how fragile it is, and the trusting.
I never thought it all must end.

I'm biting my nails,
I hide in the box
the coats I was wearing, when we gathered stones.
My ship left ashore, was marooned on the rocks.
You said what you said,
but what does it mean?

For the sake of your fair-dealing
tell me why you were such grievening.
Looked like you lost your last meaning,
that turned out to be deceiving.
Wasn't I your best redeeming?
I just sit here questioning
the pictures, rings and me.
Did all it mean a thing?

All my games were double dealing.
Made the lies and made believing.
Knew the truth I was conceding
telling you it was just dreaming.
As my sourest tears were streaming
down my face as I was leaving.
Now all I am to be
is blood and bones and tears.
Is it even real?

I'm dying again.
Was it even real?
I rubbed like a fool this bottle of gin.
Was it just a bad dream?
What does it mean?