The aftermath

My mind is splitting as I hear you calling out to me for help
I fall exhausted running circles screaming as I see you there
Then I wake up, it's paralysing, pulling back to bloody past
I see your figure in the distance but you're fading way too fast

Now it's okay why do I see these dreams
Too much to bear why now when we are free
They're fucking dead
They won't come back
I have to lock away these thoughts
But every night and every day
I find myself back at my worst
Why is it happening to me
My fever rises as I smile
I can't forget your desperate screams
That black and white blood covered tile

My skin is burning as I'm falling in the depths of dark abyss
I'm laughing quietly I'm so tired will I ever find my peace
We won this battle, you'll be happy as I promised you one day
Guess I'm too broken, can't control it, dreams are driving me insane

My meaning was to take you to the light
Now should be calmed when you, my dear, all right
I'm still a mess
No more no less
There's trauma that will never heal
Wish to kill more out of my rage
For you, I'm used to this, my dear
While you regretted to the core
Was scared and clutched me in your arms
I was amused, I craved for more
Machine for killing with no fright

Why it had to be you, my sunshine
I will never forgive myself
Why not me was the one to suffer
Would be right if we were replaced

Though I saved you and now you are here with me
Though these carrion now burn in hellish streams
Can't let it go
There's so much woe
I'm triggered when I see you cry
Wish this whole world to be destroyed
My dear I can be dangerous now
My only sense in wretched being
Your smile is all I need to breathe
While breathing's hurt, still smile on me
Till I'll go mad or finally frееze