Confession of a Ghost. 13. 28. Burnt Road

“CONFESSION of a GHOST”
a novel by Alexandra Kryuchkova
in the “PLAYING ANOTHER REALITY” series

28 BEFORE/13 AFTER. HOUSE No. 5

*****BURNT ROAD*****

***
Somewhere in the Universe


I was carefully jumping from bump to bump in the swamp of Sphere No. 5, while the Guardian watched me with a smile, walking through the air, and the frogs croaked maliciously.

“Do you have much fun to keep smiling?” afraid of stumbling and getting bogged down in the quagmire, I grunted gloomily.

“You are only at the 13th step, and already quite a person!”

“13!” I shrieked and almost collapsed, losing my balance.

“Yes, you are lucky for 13,” the Guardian chuckled, supporting me with his wing, “that leaves me some hope.”

Suddenly the wind changed and the mist crept in.

“What’s this? The smell of burning?” I asked.

“Yes, your swamp is on fire.”

“Are you kidding? Isn’t it the mist?” I involuntarily froze on one leg on a small bump.

“It’s the Burnt Road, I told you, the Secret Way, Via Combusta. In your case, it’s a peat bog smoke. Actually, the swamp isn’t burning, it’s smouldering. We haven’t reached the epicenter yet.”

“But it’s hard for me to breathe!” I exclaimed.

“Are you breathing already?” the Guardian laughed.

“First to get poisoned by Pluto-Scorpio, then to suffocate on the Burnt Road – is this called life?” I jumped from bump to bump, deepening into the smoke, when I suddenly noticed a golden crown tied with a rope to an arrow stuck in the center of the bump, “Did someone kill the King here?”

“No,” the Guardian replied, “it’s the crown for the future Queen.”

“Will the Queen live in my swamp?”

“Many princesses were frogs at first and lived in a swamp. Then they caught their arrows and… Take it, don’t be afraid.”

“The crown or the arrow?”

“Both, since they are bound. Does nothing seem strange?”

“Does the arrow look like a bird’s feather?”

Suddenly, a Black Raven appeared from the smoke.

“Hello, Rukh,” he said with self-esteem, and, pecking at the knot, untied it, so the crown immediately waltzed towards my head.

“Hello, Raven,” I answered in surprise at such a strange greeting. “Who are you? Pluto’s servant? And what are you doing here in my swamp?”

“I’m a Royal Raven,” the bird looked at me carefully, tilting its head to one side. “I can’t fly away from here. My wings are clipped. When you happen to be in the London prison near Tower Bridge, where the kings had their heads cut off…”

“Will I be imprisoned in London? Do they cut off heads on Earth?”

“No,” Raven grinned, “Royal Ravens like me live in the Tower, their wings are clipped too.”

“Rukh, smile!” said the Guardian in the acrid smoke. “You are in the 13th degree of Scorpio. One of the few Royal degrees in the Circle. Its symbol is the Royal Raven. As you can see, there are small gifts of fortune hidden even in the deep swamp!”

“My degree is accentuated,” said Raven, “because your Rahu, a Lunar Node, indicator of where you need to go, what to do according to the Creator’s plan, is here.”

“Are you saying that, according to the Creator’s plan, I should sit in a swamp like a frog and croak?” I was outraged.

“Your swamp is in the Sphere of Creativity,” Raven said calmly. “You have to create. And they will crown you, because such frogs are given a chance to turn into queens. Moreover, the arrow, as you noticed, has feathering, they used to write with feathers.”

“But you are black!”

“We are in Scorpio, and your creativity will be connected with Death and Magic. I think you have many indications for that in your passport, not Rahu only.”

“A pond of it,” I sighed.

“My soul, don’t be sad!” the Guardian consoled me. “The Royal degree is a sign of success, rebirth and wisdom, luck in the most extreme situations, you can achieve a high position in society.”

“Of course,” Raven continued, “it’s a degree of singles and Gurus. With a halo of gloomy fortress’ mysteries. The Dark Towers will attract you everywhere. You yourself are the Dark Tower. A complex personality, ravens are not crows, they have a lot of magic. People will be afraid of you, as of a thing in itself, an otherworldly one. “I am who I am” is a mature and firm personality from early childhood, with pronounced extrasensory abilities, who has survived many tragedies. You’ll love the stars, see the Future and dreams clearly, your thoughts can create reality. But few people will be able to know the real you, and even fewer to understand. Usually this degree is accentuated in those whose earthly labors affect post mortem.”

“After Dearth?” I asked.

“Exactly. Moreover, in the 13th degree and almost in exact conjunction with me, is Gemma the Star, which is often associated with the Lord of the Kingdom of the Death, but Gemma has the nature of Venus and Mercury, giving a pronounced artistic and musical talent, love for literature and arts. This star is a patroness and makes many people patrons of art. If one develops one’s talents, Gemma promises various honors.”

“And a little more about Rahu in Scorpio,” the Guardian added. “Your task is not to seek stability, not to cling to the solid soil on Earth, but to struggle purposefully and systematically against affection to the earthly, to let go of everything transient, to free yourself. Remember the word ‘liberation’, because the door to Heaven on the Burnt Road is located exactly here, and in order to find it, you need to eradicate matter in yourself, burn all earthly bridges. Scorpio is either falling down into the swamp, or climbing. Create not for yourself, but for others, and develop the Spirit. Without self-flagellation and self-destruction, but with full creative dedication.”

Raven nodded in agreement and added,

“A similar position of Rahu is noted in the passports of the great poet Alexander Pushkin, extraordinary writers Edgar Allan Poe and Franz Kafka, writer and actor Moliere, philosopher Giordano Bruno, astronomer Nicholas Copernicus, traveler Nicholas Miklouho-Maclay.”

“How far is it from here to the Burnt Road?” I asked in the thick smoke.

“Just a little more,” the Guardian encouraged me.

“Be careful!” Raven said.

Bump by bump, I struggled deeper into the veil of smoke.

“I have no more strength,” I whispered to the Guardian, almost on the verge of losing consciousness. “I feel bad. Take me away from here!”

“Just a little more, get up, a little more, you can,” he lightly pushed me with his wings.

There was nothing visible and nothing to breathe. I didn’t understand where the saving islands of bumps were located, but intuitively guessed their location. I felt a tremendous pain piercing my astral body. I didn’t want to incarnate on Earth. It seemed that all the invisible that I would have to go through in my life, was there, in these last degrees of Scorpio, and the smoke of the burning peat bog, the poison of future losses, was killing me, and the door to Heaven was still nowhere to be seen. However, I saw a door with the sign “House No. 6”. There it was, salvation! Hurry! At least there would be something to breathe! I was about to pull the handle of the door of House No. 6, when something twitched in me. Raven stopped nearby and looked at me carefully, tilting his head aside.

“Stop. There’s a trap there!” I whispered.

“What trap?” the Guardian asked.

“The smoke is hiding something! Something is wrong with the door to House No. 6. Maybe I’m hallucinating due to the lack of oxygen. Anyhow, the door… bifurcates… in two doors! It’s one, yes, but there are two of them in it! The one that shines through the wall of smoke leads to House No. 6. It seems to be merged with the second, invisible one, leading upstairs, they’re twins, right? It’s here! I feel it! Yes! There are two of them there!”

The Guardian exhaled, and Raven smiled.

“Well done, Rukh. The door to Heaven is in exact conjunction with your door to House No. 6, at the 30th degree of Scorpio.”


***
Library of the Universe


“What is Via Combusta?” I asked, coming to my senses.

“The Burnt Road is the Path on which the most difficult trials await a person. It begins at the 23rd degree of Scorpio and lasts 7 degrees, thus, the 30th degree of Scorpio, or the zero degree of Sagittarius, is the point of transition into our Reality, the point of liberation from walking in the Circle of Time – from the Space of Time, when all bridges leading to Earth are burned. Many stargazers argue about the location of this segment, someone even links it to the explosion of Phaethon. In fact, it’s logical to locate the point opening the Circle in the last degree of Scorpio, responsible for transformation and death. The mysterious 13th Sign of Ophiuchus, or Serpent-bearer, is also located here.”

“Thirteenth?!” I exclaimed, stopping.

“Yes, yes, your favorite number! Among the Zoroastrians, ‘13’ was considered sacred, being associated with the transition of the soul from the captivity of gross matter to the Subtle World of the Spirit. As you already remember, ‘13’ in your passport is repeated with enviable frequency and clearly not by accident. The symbol of Ophiuchus is the Phoenix Bird. Burned on Via Combusta and – in the case of spiritual transformation – resurrected on the Path of Light, already in Heaven. The first 7 degrees of Sagittarius signify the Path of Light.”

“Why did you mention Phaeton?”

“On Earth, you’ll go to Greece and buy a book with ancient Greek myths. Helios the Sun moved on his chariot across the sky, starting the Day alight, but his son Phaethon lost control, the chariot turned over and a fire broke out, as a result everything on the ground was incinerated within the segment later called ‘the Burnt Road’. Monsters penetrated on Earth through the created hole. In fact, a portal between the Two Realities was formed, you just need to find the door and be able to open it.”

“Will I be able to find out about Ophiuchus on Earth?”

“Surely. The Circle of the ancient Aztecs and Mayans consisted of 13 Constellations, but they called Ophiuchus the Bat, which divided the Circle into the World of the Alive and the World of the Dead. The ancient Sumerians divided the Circle into 12 parts, as Spheres-Houses-Signs of 30 degrees each, where Ophiuchus was partly in Scorpio, partly in Sagittarius. He was depicted as a man holding a serpent in his hands or entwined with a serpent, and considered a healer. Ophiuchus, although some see in this Constellation the Dragon, Guardian of the Heavenly Gates, studied healing from Chiron and sailed with the Argonauts for the Golden Fleece. By the way, until now, the Serpent on Earth is revered as a symbol of medicine. Ophiuchus was considered a punished son of the Sun, abandoned to the mercy of fate. He was torn apart like a man by the Forces of Darkness and Light, Evil and Good, symbolically by Scorpio-Pluto and Sagittarius-Jupiter. Zeus ordered to kill the son of the Sun, placing him in the sky as a Constellation to remind people of the Secret Door, while the location of Ophiuchus is a graphic projection of the center of the Galaxy on the Circle of Time, that is the Zodiacal Clock. The myth means that having defeated the Serpent on Earth, one will be freed and find the door to Heaven.”

“Is it the door behind which there’s the Staircase?”

“In Avestan mythology it’s a bridge. The Staircase, along which we are descending to Earth into matter, is actually the Zodiac Circle, however, any movement is spiral-like. Ophiuchus reminds a person of the need to open the Circle, transforming it into a spiral, or the Stairs to return to Heaven, but few people use this opportunity, because they are strongly attached to matter and forget where they come from.”

“So, sent to Earth, I’ll incarnate and forget everything I’ve seen here, in particular, our conversation. I’ll get attached to the earthly, and then I must burn everything earthly in an instant to return to you here,” I exclaimed. “But why? It looks like…”

“No, it doesn’t look like that,” the Guardian smiled. “You are coming to Earth to fulfill your destiny. You know, some souls incarnate only to come in the right place at the right time needed for Heaven, at the already definite moment in the Future, to say the right word to someone. And that’s all. Do you understand? It’s important for Heaven that someone hears that word to fulfill one’s own destiny.”

“Is there no one else to send? From those already incarnated? To say one single word?”

“Everything is so planned out, Rukh, that it’s difficult even for us angels to comprehend the links within the Matrix. They are often invisible to people on Earth, even in the most obvious situations.”

“Listen, have I got it correctly that for the one who has to say just one single word at the right time in the right place during one’s lifetime on Earth, everything else that happens in the course of one’s existence in the body, is absolutely unimportant?”

“Sometimes it is. However, the soul will visit the Court on the way back, and be questioned for everything, and not for one single word.”

“And what if for some reason a person doesn’t say the cherished word or won’t appear in the right place at the right time?”

“That’s what Guardians are for, but anything can happen to us, too.”

“I’m scared,” I said, sighing. “Scared of not saying that one, single cherished Word.”

“Do you want my advice?” the Guardian whispered, wrapping his wings around me. “To say that single Word, you must first say a million ordinary ones. Therefore, forget about the only one, don’t listen to those who will scold you for ordinary words, and just proceed your own way. Then one day the cherished Word will be pronounced by itself.”

That time the book didn’t open at a random page. A sheet of paper slipped right out of it into my hands.

“What’s this? Did someone pull the pages out of my book?” I was surprised.

“No, Rukh, the Library of the Universe always gives readers only copies so that no one can correct or delete anything in the original. You’ll destroy a lot of your children’s records on Earth, but drafts are kept here, as well as all manuscripts accidentally or deliberately destroyed.”

“…A few years later, the Girl and the Cat traveled around the whole Earth, but they found no place for themselves, because wherever they came in, there were always those who denied the existence of ghosts and those who demonized black cats. Then the Girl and the Cat decided to leave for the blizzard to find the point where Earth passed into the Sky. They never came back… Perhaps one day you will meet them, two eternal wanderers, the Girl and the Black Cat. However, probably they have already reached the Stairway to Heaven and joined the myriad of stars illuminating your path…”


*****TRAPS*****

***
Glitches in the Time Space


I stepped out of the elevator and saw the Ghost of my neighbor’s husband.

“Hi,” I sighed. “Are you waiting for Lena?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Who are you?”

“Me?! I live here, that is, I used to…”

“Really? Where? And when did you die?”

“13 days ago. We are neighbors! We were,” I answered in surprise, because on the 9th day the Ghost had still remembered me. He looked at me incredulously, and I added, “Okay, I’ll go to my place.”

No, it couldn’t be true! Where did I end up? Everything changed there! Who took off the icons and hung the calendar up?

“Isn’t it lunch time? I’m hungry!” a male voice came from the room.

“It’s coming soon!” a female voice answered from the kitchen.

I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again – in vain! I plucked up courage and slipped into the kitchen … It was all the same different! Where was my kitchen furniture? Who took it out at night? How could everything be changed so much in one day? In the kitchen, a girl was standing by the stove, humming something and stirring some soup in a saucepan, and it was not my (!) saucepan!

“Who are you?!” I asked in horror, but the girl didn’t hear me.

I rushed into the room where my things had been the day before – it turned into someone else’s bedroom! With someone else’s furniture! And not at least one of my things!

“Where did you put the icons?” I exclaimed, returning to the kitchen, but the girl, without reacting, took the greens out of the fridge, and I screamed with all my might, “Who are you?”

All three bulbs in the lamp made a piercing sound of cracked glass and crumbled to the floor. The girl froze in a daze.

“How did you get inside?!” I shouted again, and the electricity went out in the whole flat, and a man came into the kitchen and calmly asked,

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s not me,” the girl whispered.

“Who else if not you? Poltergeist?” the man chuckled.

“Yes!” I screamed. “Where is my stuff?!”

I glanced at the window and… the handle… the very same one in the window frame, it was there! I ran out of the flat to question the Ghost of my neighbor’s husband, but he was missing. I clutched my eyes shut in horror and…


***


…I opened my eyes … on the sofa! There were Mist and Rain outside the windows. Autumn…

Yes, I was sitting on the sofa while two men were rolling billiard balls in a darkened room.

“Just like Akhmatova!” one of them said.

“What do you mean?” the other asked.

“Well, she’s sitting like Akhmatova… so proudly. And looks like that.”

“Well, she is…”

I knew what he was going to say next and coldly cut him off,

“I’m not Akhmatova.”

“My God, who are they?! Where am I?! All I remember is that one of them is from London. The city that played a fatal role in my destiny. What happened there? Something irreparable and not connected with this man… What or who is it connected with? The city that captivated me with the magical Mist and the Tower’s black ravens! Oh, I looked like them very much! I ended up in London on the eve of the competition ‘The King of poetry’. But where did we meet?”

I didn’t want to remember anything, I closed my eyes and…


***


…I opened my eyes… in a restaurant.

“Do you live in London too?” handing out a glass of cognac to me, asked one of the billionaires invited to celebrate a birthday of the famous TV presenter in his closed circle.

“No,” I smiled.

“Dear Alice, could you read something to us, please!” asked the famous TV presenter.

I glanced at the clock, it was two at night. How did I get there? I got up from the table set for exactly nine guests, and …

“I’m a meter. And a half. Plus 8 centimeters…”

“Marina Ivanovna!” the well-known TV presenter said in amazement.

The billionaires applauded laconically. The Londoner sitting on the right whispered in my ear,

“Not bad, but it’s too long.”

“Marina Ivanovna, will you go with us to ride around Moscow now?” the famous TV presenter invited me to join them at about four in the morning.

“Thank you, next time,” I smiled and handed him my book about Another Reality as a gift.

“Well, goodbye, Alice! Farewell!”


***


I was on the balcony overlooking a garden, or a forest? Rain and Mist… It was dark and one could see nothing except the trees right under the balcony. Autumn? He came up to me and hugged me, but I didn’t even turn around.

“Well, Queen. Recite me something! Anything you want, except ‘Tower Ravens’, which I’ve already read in your ‘Guardian Angel’. Not bad about London. You would make an excellent screenwriter. Although, I didn’t understand your association with a severed head.”

“I was walking towards the Tower across the bridge late at night through rain in Mist, and my head hurt so badly that I wanted it to be cut off.”

“Let’s say I liked the prose. However, you were introduced to me as the Queen of poetry. Recite!”

“I don’t remember anything by heart.”

He sat down in a chair in the pose of a shark of imperialism and looked at me with interest, like at a thing in an antique market.

“Come on, don’t play. I’ll return to London with at least something to remember.”

I started with “the Falling Leaves”, but after the first line I heard,

“It’s no good. Disgusting.”

“What’s wrong?” I shuddered involuntarily.

“Well, the entire sentence is no good,” he said and continued in a mentor tone, then demanded the following lines, I recited them and …

“Stop! It’s zero again. What is this word doing there? What a nonsense!”

He smashed me to smithereens, but was doing that excruciatingly long, as if Time stopped on that strange balcony overlooking a garden, or a forest.

“What the hell Queen are you? You are nothing and nobody! You don’t understand that you have to work on every word! Forget that someone liked it! Don’t dare write anything more! Disappear! Tear it up and throw it away! Or sit down and work on yourself! 24 hours a day! Do you understand? Above each syllable, over the combination of each letter with the one next to it! And then perhaps you’ll have enough time before your death to comb out at least one verse, so that you wouldn’t be ashamed of it later!”

I put on my boots and coat, took my bag and went to the door. He stopped me and took my hand.

“Akhmatova, listen, you’re wrong to be offended.”

“I’m not Akhmatova.”

“Stay,” he said calmly. “You’ll remember me later. You’ll understand I’m right. No one will ever tell you anything, because the majority are at the level of ‘everything is good’, and others, believe me, don’t need competitors!”

I opened the door and went out into Autumn. He caught up with me in that garden or in the forest, when I had already got at the wheel, and knocked on the window.

“Queen,” he said devastated, “I wanted to tell you… Take care of yourself… Drive carefully.”

I closed my eyes… and…


***


Veranda… Summer… Sun… Smell of pines… The Man in White was sitting at the next table among his friends with whom he played football on weekends there, on Nikolina Gora. He looked at me, and I looked at him smiling, since he had owed me a cup of coffee … I had my hair cut… After my car crash, he had called me, but we had never met again. Anyhow, that moment, in my Place of Power, where I had got my dacha… burned down once, he was sitting at the next table …

Once, in London, after the book fair, I stopped at King’s Cross Station, at platform 9 and three quarters, and bought the ill-fated Time Turner. I wanted to return the Man in White so much! I dedicated one of my London poems to him, but I re-winded the Time too far back, so then…

The mobile phone rang.

“Ray, I’m on Rublyovka! Don’t worry!”

Suddenly, someone took my hand, I turned around and immediately looked at the phone… Ray was both there and nearby!

“Step aside, Alice! You fell back into the Past again. Come on, it’s time for you to go to Athos!”

We were leaving, while Me in the Past was sitting at the table and talking on the phone with Ray, glancing at the Man in White.

“Where have you been?” Ray the ghost asked.

“Oh! Horror! I have strangers in my flat!”

“They are not humans, but phantoms. You’ve got into one of the possible, but not implemented scenarios.”

“How could there be another one? It’s my flat!”

“You wanted to sell it, but then … I have no right to hint, Alice, I gave them my word of honor! In brief, if you had sold it then, those people would have lived in it.”

“It’s so confusing! Now I understand why the Ghost of my neighbor’s husband didn’t recognize me. He moved in later!”

“What else did you see?”

“Some man from London, he scolded me very hard. And he was right…”

“Great. What do you feel now towards the Man in White and London?”

“I’m really very sorry we have never got together, but… it doesn’t matter now.”

“Everything that is shown after Death is not accidental. You are being tested for feelings and affections, and if you lose your balance …”


***
Ouranoupoli


“Alice, how are you?” smiled Janis, sitting on a bench at the entrance to his shop. “A funny incident has happened today! A sheikh has come to us. Imagine, an Arab sheikh!”

“I hope he’s bought a lot of icons,” I joked.

“His wife has bought a lot of gold bracelets,” Janis smiled. “Imagine, she tried on the bracelet. I saw it fit her, but she asked to make it bigger, because she would have to wear it above the elbow, since up to it, her whole arm had already been occupied by other bracelets! She just didn’t take them with her to the shop! And last year we were visited by some princess from an Arab state. Her visit became a real shock for our village.”

“Did she stay in Ouranoupoli?”

“No, at Eagles’ Palace, but in the evening on the sea street, she made scandals, drank vodka, ate pork. In the hotel they say she demanded drugs and even threatened for disobedience.”

Leah came up to us and, noticing my gaze on the icon “Prayer for the Chalice”, asked,

“What is this icon about, Alice? About prayer?”

“It’s about humility. Christ knew what awaited him. At night, after the Last Supper, on Holy Thursday, on the eve of his arrest, he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane near the Mount of Olives. They say that the stone at which he bowed is at the altar of the Catholic Church, built on that place at the beginning of the 20th century.”

“What are those houses in the distance, on the icon?”

“A view of Jerusalem. It’s interesting that, besides the Apostles Peter and James, who eventually dozed off there, Christ took John to the Garden of Gethsemane, but the ‘Prayer for the Chalice’ is described by all the Evangelists, except John!”

“Why about humility?”

“Christ addressed to God three times. His soul yearned deadly and wanted to change the scenario of his destiny, ‘If possible, let this cup pass from me’. But his Spirit humbled himself, ‘Thy will be done,’ accepted the prepared scenario. The icon helps to make the right decision at the fork. I would say, if you feel something negative that is about to happen, ask to avoid it, if there are other options for the Future, adding, ‘Thy will be done’, thus recognizing that the Creator always knows better.”

“Do you know something bad about your Future? Is that why you’re drawn to this icon?”

“Everyone knows their Future, but not everyone wants to remember it.”


***


“Hello, Alice! How are you?” Dimitra said in a tone that clearly betrayed her resentment at something.

“Fine,” I answered laconically, realizing that she was not up to me.

“My indignation has no bounds! It’s an outrage!” Dimitra exclaimed, nodding towards the Tower. “There are three of them here at once, do you see? — three signs of no parking! Look what cars are parked here! Each one costs like a whole house! And to drive to a paid parking outside the village they’re all too poor!” Dimitra addressed her husband in Greek and then continued, “I told him to call the police. They must finally tear their asses off the soft chairs to go to the cars and take off the numbers! Our taxi drivers have nowhere to stop! And what a queue for taxis is today!”

Dimitra looked sternly at her husband again and said to me,

“Let’s go, Alice, let’s take a walk! I can’t stand looking at this!”

“Who has left today?” I asked on the way to the sea, trying to turn Dimitra’s spirit onto a bright channel.

“Ah, a nice day! Five icons of the Virgin. Oh, I’ve almost forgotten, you are looking for Barbara with the cup, they’ve brought it to me today!”

“And Peter with the keys?”

“Why do you need Peter with the keys? Take just Peter! Or Peter and Paul! Is Paul no better than some keys? And why do you need Barbara with the cup? I had her without it! Do you need their accessories?”

“Barbara of Iliopolis, a martyr, holds the chalice of Holy Communion. She is the only Saint-woman depicted with the Chalice on icons. Among the Saints, the Chalice is also held by John of Kronstadt. Barbara protects from sudden death. She’s prayed not to die without communion.”

“Are you going to die suddenly?”

“Thanks to Barbara’s prayers, perhaps not,” I answered evasively.

We sat down on the shore and were silently watching the black sky. Suddenly, Dimitra grabbed my hand,

“A star is falling down! Make a wish! Hurry!”

“With the keys! Let Peter appear in your shop!” I smiled.

“Oh, how stubborn you are! Where can Peter come from? The monks are overloaded with the August holidays. They’ll start accepting orders for the next year only in autumn, they didn’t even bring me all of what I ordered last November! Tell me more about Barbara!”

“She lived in Syria in the 3rd century during the reign of the pagan Emperor Maximian. Her mother died early, and her father raised her up in the spirit of idolatry, built her a separate castle and forbade her to communicate with people. In seclusion, Barbara sought God, and after being allowed to go out into the world, she was baptized by a Christian priest from Alexandria. Then her father ordered to build her a Dark Tower with two windows, but Barbara told the builders to make three windows as a symbol of the Holy Trinity. Her father became furious and chased after the disobedient girl with a sword in his hand, but the rocks parted in front of her. However, he found Barbara in a cave and handed over to the court of the pagan city ruler. During the torture, Christ appeared to Barbara and asked what she wanted as a reward for her torment.”

“Did she say she wanted to get to Him in Paradise as soon as possible?”

“No, she asked to be allowed to help those who, faced a sudden death, turn to her for help. She is prayed for both those who died suddenly, and those at risk – the military, firefighters, police, rescue services. Patriarch Alexey II blessed to honor Barbara as the patroness of the mining industry. She is also the patroness of the Russian Rocket Forces, founded on December 17, the day of the memory of the Saint. By the way, the ‘capital’ of the Rocket Forces is considered to be a closed military town in the Moscow region, not far from my dacha in childhood. My friend and I used to sneak into the town through a hole in the fence to admire overseas goods that couldn’t be found in ordinary stores. St. Barbara is depicted on the coat of arms of that town.”

“Listen, Alice, why has one to protect oneself from sudden death? In my opinion, it’s the best death in the world!”

“To get ready to leave, to let Earth go with a light soul so that it will let you go with no less light soul.”

“What way did Barbara leave Earth?”

“She was beheaded in 306. Her father played the role of executioner but he was killed by lightning afterwards. Her relics were first in Iliopolis, from the 6th century in Constantinople, and at the beginning of the 12th century they were transferred to Kiev.”

“Why aren’t you at the cottage under St. Barbara’s flag now?”

“That house is long gone. It was burned down. Right with our things. I still remember the straw hut built by my grandfather, and an old mirror hung in the house, an unusual one, through it…”

“I didn’t get it. Burned? The house?”

“Yes, I asked relatives who lived nearby, they said it had somehow to do with a murder.”

“A murder? Alice! What a horrified story of yours! Have you bought a new cottage?”

“Why not. I asked God to send me a small house with a stove, and he did it immediately.”

“How did you ask?”

“I wrote a poem.”

“You are wonderful! Why don’t you live in your summer house?”

“I sold it.”

“Why?” Dimitra never ceased to be surprised.

“For different reasons. You know, you all here think I’m a millionaire. I have no stash in my nightstand, no bank accounts. I sold the cottage for a penny, it was a very small house and very far from the city. The money I got wouldn’t have been enough even for the down payment on a flat.”

“So did you want to buy a flat?”

“I had to divide our flat with my son to move apart. A man promised to help. I didn’t pull his tongue. So I spent the money I had got from the sale of my cottage on … what do you think, on what, Dimitra?”

“A car?”

“Your Athos icons.”

“What about the flat in the end?”

“You know, we say, ‘To promise doesn’t mean to marry’.”

Dimitra got silent. The stars stopped falling. And I took a step aside.


***
Tower of Ouranoupoli

“How is it going?” Joice asked when I showed up in her room on the second floor of the Tower.

“No way,” I spread my hands. “I got into an unrealized version of the drafts of Eternity, everything was different there. Then I fell into those fragments where it was also empty – no handle found, no awareness of the unfinished. I’m doomed to hang here on the border forever!”

“Don’t be discouraged! The Judgment is going on, even when you don’t realize it.”

There was a familiar creaking on the stairs.

“Joice, I want to talk to the monks who come to your chapel! They are stuck at the border too, aren’t they?”


***


Joice nodded, and I slipped out onto the stairs and flew up into the chapel, but monk the ghost was already praying on his knees with his rosary. I sat down at the entrance.

“Christ is Risen, Rukh!” he said to me after the prayer and added, “Rukh means ‘soul’ or ‘spirit’ in Arabic. What are you doing here, Alice?”

“I’m not allowed into Heaven.”

“Neither am I, but you have to believe and pray. Every night after prayer I go to the border, and one day the door will be opened. Ask and it will be given to you. Let’s go together, we’ll talk along the way.”

We went down the stairs and through the boarded up door entered the dungeon. The monk visualized and lit a candle, and we flew along the gloomy walls into the distance.

“This dungeon leads to the Zygou monastery, there is a branching there, and you can get to almost all Athos monasteries moving further along the labyrinth.”

“Why aren’t you allowed into Heaven if you lived on Athos?”

“I didn’t live there, just came once. And not all monks are allowed in right away! I have to pray for something. Recently, an old monk has appeared to me in the chapel, saying I has the last important thing left to do, not clarified which one, then he would come for me and lead me to the Holy Mountain to the Stairs. The monks say that those who are allowed to see the Stairs there instantly go to Paradise through the prayers of the Virgin Mary, and She Herself meets everyone there. And what are you doing here?”

I told my story.

“Ordeals, Alice, are trials. They are described in the Ordeals of St. Theodora and in the books of the monks, everyone has their own way. When you see something – a situation, an object or a person – you feel something, evaluating them somehow. The same is true in the Ordeals. If you remain calm and nothing confuses the soul, it means you have freed yourself. The Past becomes a closed book. Any suspended situation, for example, resentment or pain in the soul, or longing to someone or something, doesn’t let the Book of Life close, Earth doesn’t let the soul go to Heaven, as if saying, cut the thread! If you don’t know what exactly is holding you, pray and everything will be arranged by the Providence of God!”

“I don’t remember much and don’t know what has already been passed and what has not. Sometimes I get into the Courtroom and see people. They come to thank me, but the Scales speak in favor of the Forces of Darkness.”

“It’s good that the souls are coming. So you weren’t such a bad person after all! No one is forcing them to testify in your favor. They are willing to help! When a soul leaves Earth, a telegram is sent by the Heavenly Chancellery throughout the Universe. People are not always aware of the message, which their Higher Self reads, but their souls can fly to the Court during sleep. It’s bad you have a problem with memory. Anyhow, if you want, I can list the categories of Ordeals, perhaps you’ll remember something important along the way.”

“I do.”

“In the beginning was the WORD. Almost everyone failed the tests related to words. It’s difficult to find a person who would use a minimum of words and solely for the benefit of others. Verbosity, idle talk, bad language, scolding, threats, moral pressure, cynicism, insults, condemnation, mockery, complaints, lies and slander are also here, and not only perjury, but flattery and fawning, ingratiation, distortion of words and their meaning, unjust judgment, deceit, swearing, breaking of promises, concealment.”

“I agree, I treated the words frivolously. I preferred to tell the truth or remain silent if I disagreed with something, so I concealed.”

“GLUTTONY, attachment of the soul to food and drinks, all kinds of drug addiction, including smoking and alcohol. The soul has an obsessive need to quench its thirst. There are no analogues in Heaven, those suffering from stress in the Lower Astral settle down in those alive on Earth to enjoy the experience of sweet moments and satisfy their hunger for a while.”

“Not mine,” I breathed. “As my granma said, all my life was fasting.”

“MONEY, material wealth, property, possession of earthly and temporary. Theft, embezzlement, fraud, extortion, robbery, plunder, debts, bribery, misappropriation of someone else’s things, use of stolen goods. If your soul feels uncomfortable at some point, it has something unclean! Greed, avarice, stinginess, acquisitiveness, hoarding, money-grubbing… Maybe you gave money in loans at interest.”

“No, I even forgave those who had owed me money and not money, they did even better for me, because I could be forgiven by God for something else.”

“PASSIONS, cohabitation outside of marriage, adultery, fornication and obscene fantasies, watching obscene films, self-indulgence, flirting, violence, incest, seduction of minors, perversion with animals…”

“Passions, yes, they happened, but I confessed them.”

“If you just listed some sins during confession, you may be drawn during the Judgment to re-experience passions on Earth. What matters is your feeling now, do you want to repeat something? Perhaps you’ll be attracted, for example, to a beloved one who didn’t love you, and you’ll get a thread with a knot!”

“You’re right, let’s go on!”

“Physical and spiritual laziness: parasitism, sleepiness, idleness, carelessness, dishonest performance of duties, negligence; lack of spiritual development, not praying, not reading spiritual literature, not going to the church…”

“Not mine.”

“Sins of the HEART, lack of mercy: inattention, forgetfulness, insensibility, heartlessness, ruthlessness, persecution of the weak, cruelty, petrification, hardening, not giving alms, not taking care of children, the elderly, the sick, not sacrificing time for the sake of others.”

“I took care of the seriously ill, looked after old people, visited my grandma abandoned by her son for five years until her death in the nursing home. I wanted to take a girl from an orphanage, but my husband was against it. I gave alms, handed out things … Perhaps outwardly I seemed cold, though I always took everything to the heart and tried to help.”

“Sins of one’s SELF associated with exalting oneself, when one Self is placed above God, including judging others, pride, arrogance, hypocrisy, self-exaltation, self-esteem, self-justification, vanity, contempt for others, insolence, impudence, shamelessness, blasphemy…”

“Not mine.”

“Lack of faith in God’s Providence and His Will leads to doubt, despondency, despair, lack of humility, patience, stubbornness, grumbling at destiny, circumstances, resentment, anger and envy, vengeance or a thirst for revenge, vindictiveness, gloating, sabotage, persecution, trickery and slander, anger, implacability, irascibility, hatred, rage, bitterness, quarrels, ruthlessness, assault. One doesn’t understand that everything came not accidentally, but allowed by the Higher Forces.”

“If I had had patience and humility, I wouldn’t have asked to erase my memory. Well, I suffered from my temper, yes.”

“From temper and anger there’s a step to murder, and from despair – to suicide. MURDER in word or deed. Even a mental wish for Death to someone or to yourself is a deadly sin, which is also caused by non acceptance of your destiny.”

“I didn’t want to live,” I sighed. “I was in a hurry to leave for those who had gone, I felt very hard on Earth. But I… didn’t… I couldn’t do it myself…”

“You are right to pray at the border! Don’t lose hope. And now the last one, unbelief or lack of faith leads to HERESIES and MAGIC, such as apostasy, participation in sects, divination, sorcery, shamanism, witchcraft, healing, astrology.”

“I was not engaged in bio-energetic and witch healing, I was not a medium, but… the stars and planets… they attracted me since childhood! If the stars are lit, someone needs them! Each person has a unique destiny written in Heaven. Do planets roam the Universe just for no reason? Of course, they are not gods, as the ancient Greeks and Romans believed, but they serve God by fulfilling His will. I made researches in the field of astrology.”

“It’s a dangerous area, Alice, where people shouldn’t go. Knowledge of what is not given to know…”

“The knowledge about the stars existed even in ancient India as well as Zodiac frescoes in the monasteries of Athos. Some Greek icons, including the ‘Unfading Flower’, have images of the planets and the Zodiac Signs!”

“It’s not me to judge your research of the Subtle World for its legitimacy. I hope that, practicing magic, you didn’t contact the entities of the Lower Astral to change the circumstances sent to you by Heaven.”

“Magic in that sense, no. I explored Time and Space, the doors to the Subtle World were opened to me.”

“Did they open up to you, or did you open them up? Who showed you something there, the Forces of Light or Darkness? What did you do afterwards with what you had seen? Did you interfere with the Divine plans, the very destinies written in Heaven, or humbly, like Christ, pray for the Chalice? Well, again, that’s not my question. Note that before Magic and Heresies, you didn’t enter into any discussion with me.”

The monk stopped at the fork in the dungeon, the left corridor led to the Zygou monastery, and the right one was bricked up. Suddenly, in front of our eyes, an old monk came out of the walled up passage.

“Lord Have Mercy!” exclaimed my companion and crossed himself. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit!”

“Let’s go, Silouan,” the old monk said. “Christ is Risen, brother!”

“He is truly Risen! Christ is risen indeed!” Silouan exclaimed delightedly.

“Pray for me there,” I asked him.

“I will,” he smiled and handed me a candle for my way back to the Tower, while the old monk crossed me and said,

“They’ll take you away too as soon as you finish everything! You’ll see! Pray and don’t lose hope!”