Bathsheba

The day I met Bathsheba...
I wish she hadn't raised her eyes and looked at me.
It would be better if our views did not overlap.
Because this fire that broke out at the intersection of our eyes could not be extinguished, even if I poured all the seas on earth on it.
A woman's eyes are the point of attraction. It's all in her eyes. You just can't break away from them. They show everything, they reveal everything, they expose everything.
And it was as if I penetrated through those eyes into the depths of her soul and saw this beauty of her nature, her inner world, which is incomparable and unique.
Eyes are something you can't hide.A person's gaze tells about his thoughts, about his feelings.And so everything seemed to be written on a blank sheet of paper.Watch and read.

I had to admire this creation of God by a woman named Bathsheba and leave the limits of her visibility forever.

But it turned out that it was so easy. Was it possible for the tsar to hide from a woman? Was it possible to hide from feelings and tame your emotions?

Everything already spoke of the inevitability of our meeting.And it was all a big mistake. Because she was a married woman.

And so, the realization that Bathsheba has a husband faded into the background. Why? Because I wasn't interested in him. I was interested in myself.

And what Uriah, the lawful husband of Bathsheba, felt and felt when he realized that the king had turned his gaze on his wife, I did not think about that.
I despise this authority that I am endowed with.Because authority and permissiveness turn all the kindest things to the soul into ashes.And your humble look becomes arrogant over time.
Faith in God weakens, but the conviction that you are omnipotent grows stronger. And why do you need God when you are almost God yourself. And just a little more and you will become one.
The intoxication of power begins.And this intoxication leads to insanity.

The ruler cannot control himself, because his long reign has crippled his soul.He makes strange decisions because his heart and brain are damaged by uncontrolled authority.
And here is Bathsheba in my palace. Who can forbid something from the tsar? Who can refuse something to the tsar?That's what I thought before...
 was distraught.
In continue my madness I sent Bathsheba's husband to war in the hottest spot. I did not want to let Bathsheba out of my hands, and for this I sent her husband to certain death.

Bathsheba has become the number one person in my life. She turned off my mind. And this state, when your mind is turned off, completely captured me.Uriah dies in the war. And it didn't make me cry. On the contrary, a sense of calm came. Because I can legally take Bathsheba to my wife now.

For a while, the feeling of inevitable reckoning kept my soul in anxiety. But nothing bad has happened in my life. And this feeling began to subside.

When Bathsheba became pregnant and was already carrying our child, the anxiety completely eased, and I plunged into an atmosphere of absolute peace and was already convinced that I had done the right thing.

I didn't violate anything, I did everything in accordance with the law.
I did everything honestly. I just married a widow. I comforted a woman whose husband, as a valiant warrior, died in the war.

And now the time was approaching when Bathsheba was to give birth to our baby.

We were all waiting for this event and were preparing to arrange a holiday in honor of the birth of a child.

All the conversations in the palace were only about this momentous event, which was approaching every day.
It was getting closer and closer every day...
And then one day, a few days before the birth of my son, there was a knock on the door.  And by my insight, I felt that the guest who is now standing on the other side of the door did not come with good news.
When everything is fine and nothing worries you, don't relax. Be careful there may be danger ahead or even trouble or retribution for your sins.
Which was delayed by the grace of heaven because Heaven was waiting for your repentance. But you have not done repentance. And now the thunderclap over your head.
And that knock on the door was like a thunderbolt from heaven for me.
The door opened And the prophet of God Nathan entered. He was calm and it was obvious from everything that he had brought something important for me.
 And how else, when the prophets come into your life, they always bring with them some important words. And it's not always what you want to hear.
Nathan immediately started telling me some strange story.
There were two people in one city, Nathan said, one rich and the other poor.
The rich man had a lot of small and large cattle, and the poor man had nothing but one small sheep, which he bought.
He took care of her, and she grew up with him along with his children. She ate from his plate, drank from his cup, and even slept on his chest. She was like a daughter to him.
 A traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man regretted taking anything from his small or large cattle to cook food for the traveler who came to him. Instead, he took the poor man's lamb and prepared it for the one who came to him.

What a monstrous injustice, I shouted, stopping Nathan's speech.
The person who did this deserves to die!  He has to pay for the lamb fourfold, because he did it and had no compassion.

Then Nathan said to me– You are that man!
 This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: "Why did you neglect the word of the Lord, doing evil in His eyes? You struck Uriah with a sword and took his wife as your wife. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.
And these words are like a thrown spear that hit me in the chest and pinned me to the wall.
I stood there and couldn't move, my breath stopped.

An earthquake was happening in my soul.

Everything secret became clear. In a moment.
It was stupid to ask the question what are you talking about?
People sometimes begin to deny when they hear the accusation, begin to justify themselves, and sometimes pretend that they do not understand what they are being told.
And thus they pass from sinners to the category of stupid sinners.
When you have sinned, when you have lost, there is no need to prove anything, and nothing to explain.
Just put your head down and stand still. Silently.
No more words. Because it was necessary to say something earlier. And it was necessary to act competently. But you didn't succeed...
Well, then admit defeat. And say This test was too much for me.
Accept this reality. Then only you have a chance to receive forgiveness. Because the one who admits his mistakes can claim the condescension of man and the mercy of Heaven.
"I have sinned before the Lord," I said.
And although the phrase was so short, repentance in me was lightning fast after the prophet Nathan exposed my sins.
Repentance is not prayers and words, it is a state of the heart.When the Holy Spirit touches the edge of your heart and it becomes so soft and begins to melt like wax.
And you say those words. Words of repentance. And the most important of these words is "I'm sorry." Probably the most difficult word to pronounce in all languages.
But without it, nothing will change for the better.
Without it, your life and relationship with God and relationship with man will not get better. Forgiveness was instantaneous.
Nathan replied:
– And the Lord has taken away your sin from you. You're not going to die.
How good everything is, the thought flashed. The Lord has forgiven me.
I confessed my sin and the Lord took it off me.
But that wasn't all.
Nathan hasn't finished his speech yet. And that's what he said next.
Because by doing this, you have shown perfect contempt for the Lord, the son who is born to you will die.
what? the child that will be born....
'd like to say What you're saying, nathan, let's start your diatribe and I'll accept it, I'll accept everything, I'll agree with everything... but, but just don't mention my baby !
But this was not the moment when I could give orders and command.
My power ended where the power of God and his prophets begins.
I was like a wet chicken then in front of the owner. I was at the trial and I could only listen to the verdict.
And to know that all this will take place in my life.
This is the same Prophet Nathan who saw me as a teenager.
He came to the house of my father Jesei and anointed me king, which I became after a while.
God saw my pure, kind heart and chose me and entrusted the people to me.
And that's what happened to me years later.
Now Nathan has appeared again so that I can return again to the purity, the purity of the heart that I possessed when I was young.
By what price?
For seven days I prayed for the child that was born to me by Bathsheba.  I fasted and spent nights lying on the ground.
I didn't eat anything. I just cried and prayed. I wanted to fix everything, I wanted to overturn this sentence. I wanted to shield him from the wrath of God. I wanted to... give everything..
But on the seventh day the child died.
Did my faith die with him?
No, she's not dead. These prayers brought my soul to the surface. And I saw the light. The light of hope. Can death give hope.
Maybe, I say, the Prophet David, time will pass and you will understand what I'm talking about.
Death can give hope.
And someone's death can cut your life into before and after.
For someone to live, someone needs to die. Maybe someone needs to pull on the accumulated sin and die so that the rest can continue to live.
The death of my son did not harden me. She humbled me. She took off all my arrogance.
And I turned to dust and ashes, because humility is what we are saved from sin. Through humility we come under the protection of the Creator and he keeps us on our paths from falling.
And He throws us a lifeline through which we climb out of the pit into which our vanity and constant gratification of our flesh have thrown us.