of endurance and tranquility

after the thunderstorm
the air is so reviving
I go out
I inhale
it’s like learning to breathe after I forgot how to
even though I know I’ll forget again
the trees are still
the sky is steel
It’s resting
and I swear by all the demons in this world
my face will be just as still
when I look at you tomorrow and say hi
no muscle will twist in strain
no crack will run down my skin
my voice will be just as fine
for I will pretend to be a solid rock
with no signs of pain
and no mark of distress
I’ll put my vulnerabilities to sleep
on a soft pillow
I’ll sing them a lullaby
I’ll cover my frailties with ten blankets
and hide them behind thirteen doors
in an abandoned house
far far away from the city
far far away from your eyes
I’ll summon all the might I have
to build an impenetrable facade
of endurance and tranquility
and behind this facade you will never see
the cracks running down my walls
the halls affected by squalls
flooded with chaotic thoughts
the birds in cages
dying from the lack of oxygen
the heavy smoke of yearning
the anguish knocking on the shatterproof windows
from the inside behind the curtains
no one will ever guess
and I swear by all the demons on earth
when I see you tomorrow
my voice won’t crack
my face will be all equanimity of this world
even though I know
I’ll be dying inside one hundred times in a row
just like the birds in my halls
down in there behind the curtains
behind the shatterproof windows.


Sid Saturnicki, 22082017