bury me under a lilac shrub

it's raining in my secret garden
on the day that never got brighter
it's been bleak and dark all along
I shun the clouds
I shout at the clouds
was it me who put them there?
why the hell did I put them there?

and the pain oh so familiar
sneaked in like a poisonous snake
when I looked away
when I wasn't guarding
it found a way
to come steal my sun in my garden

so now it's raining in my sacred place
languor wraps my body like a cocoon
I lay here on the stiff stiff roots
staring into the sky
searching for the glimpses of shades in the clouds
but they're evenly grey
bristly plants pierce my skin scratch my arms
drops of blood are evenly grey

when you come you'll find me motionless
glazy eyes have lost all their glint
lift me up and bury me under a lilac shrub
till the next sunny day
guard my garden until the malady's gone

but I'm here alone
and there's no transparency
in this hazy rain
clues and hints and vague exegesis
as I follow the path of scarce crumbles
my feeble body shatters in pain
reassembles again
I teach myself to breathe
ask myself to endure
I will crawl through the mud
and find the snake
I will make it let go of my sun
it will poison me as it dies

if you find me here lying motionless
put the sun back up
lift me up and bury me under a lilac shrub
bury me till the sun makes this pain

stop



Sid Saturnicki, 27102022