Перевод студенческой баллады про ученого кота

Once, a young cat decided to hunt,
With skills to catch a mouse;
He studied theory for a start
Of a rat- and mice-free house.

He got some monographs on rats,
Subscribed to the weekly "Rodents",
Attended a training course for cats,
Read volumes of "House wardens".

Obtained a British foliant
"Mouse vs cat", of the 30s -
Translated from a Russian chant
Renamed from "Mice & kittens".

He learnt for months without a pause,
Could integrate with ease,
Yet, hadn't seen a single mouse
That he could catch and tease...

He wouldn't be worried with that,
As such a learning base
Equipped him with the up-to-date
Skills for the mouse race.

After three years of studying hard,
Without seeing a mouse,
Our cat was ready for a hunt,
Applying rules of Gauss.

He went to hunt; in paws he
Was carrying a drawing case,
A notebook with a printed Phi,
And a bag for future mice.

Wait wasn't long; a little mouse
Appeared in the hole...
The cat derived parallax,
Assuming mouse as a ball;

Then estimated spectral class,
Type, volume, mass and speed -
Derived density of mouse,
Weight in CGS units.

The task was simple for the chap:
As a draft, he quickly got
The force required for jump
Of a freely moving cat.

Cat whispers: "You will not escape
From the prepared paws"
But lo! At the expected rate
There is no projected mouse!

While cat was calculating path,
The object moved away -
What a delusional kerfuffle:
The mouse got its way!

As such, a theory may serve
As a helpful instrument -
But proper practice does deserve
Attention and respect.