The Rose of the Winds

I

The different walls are wet and grey,
The rain was through the night.
Good-morning place I want to stay!
Good-bye my country side!
It is the nice chance try to live
The day the broken heart
Can cry no more and try to give
The greatfull thanks to God.
I made the list of dreaming things,
The travel was the first.
I took the bus and let the winds
To blow with the force.
The houses are sound asleep,
The early morning spells.
I walked the street. I made the leap
Of faith to leave the hell.
I’m blinded by the morning light…
The children know me well.
I’m coming through the cold of night
To understand myself.
The summer. June. The flock of birds
Is looking for the grain.
The shame on me. The bridge was burned
Before I felt the pain.
The conscience opened wide its eyes
And stole the quiet dream.
The blind decision was not wise,
I had the love it seemed.
There’s easy a slip twixt cup and lip,
The judgement-day has come,
The ocean sank my paper ship,
What done is always done.
I bought the psychologic book
Too late. I lost the fight.
It was the brilliant left hook…
It took me all the night -
I cried my eyes before the sleep,
The bus was full of space.
The ocean of the grief’s too deep
I can’t put up the face.
The innocence, the helpless soul
Was killed. I made it right.
The world is big, we are so small
But who turns down the light?

II

The hotel has dreaming view,
I feel the garden’s breath.
It took good luck to do the dew
(I didn’t mean the death).
I’ve took the shower, changed the jeans
To little cashmere dress.
The shoes are waiting for the heels,
But I prefer to rest.
My ear-rings are made of pearls,
In-kind by the way.
Black tea is hot and with the tears,
The color of the day…
For lips I take vintage of rose.
I blew the one last kiss
To my dark hero on the horse.
We tried to be at least.
The peach of blush, the lace and clutch,
My nails I made myself.
I want to be alone at night
And since today as well.
I’m going out to the time,
The bakery sounds good.
My perfume smells like rose in wine,
The last stroke to the mood.

III

The chocolate is only one
Who never asks me “why?”
I told my friends that I was fine,
I had to have my time.
They looked at me I was the beast.
I’d better told the truth…
Perhaps I’m still the feminist
There’s nothing left to lose.
I’m choosing cake with sugar fruit,
The coffee is latte…
I’ve ordered the orange juice.
The sun’s all over there.
The open windows catch the wind,
The streets are empty… Why
The loneliness is constant thing
That always truly mine?
The book lies me again, again:
Me not the only one…
This book’s another stupid game!
Sometimes it brings the fun.
I was afraid to tell my friends
I needed world in peace
To leave the footprints on the sand
With baby without tears.
I told them I was child-free,
They were surprised… I smiled.
The angels on the Christmas Tree
Cried all the Christmas night.
My boyfriend said: “This problem yours.
I’m still in love with you”.
I showed him the open doors,
But didn’t tell the truth.
The doctor told me in this year,
I’d never bring a child.
The punishment was in the air,
I thought I’d lost my mind.
And now…What I want to find?
I live just for the day
And try to stop to cry at night.
I lost myself, my way.
I want to be a butterfly,
The one-day life’s so fine!
The beauty’s dancing in the light
I can’t imagine time.
I left the bakery. I walked
The gardens and the streets
Until the night had hidden rock.
In bed I run the list…
That’s my emotions: oh, my God!
The place I’ve never been!
I saw the fog and flowers but
Seemed I had never seen.

IV

My cover’s warm, my pillow’s dry,
The pieces of the luck…
The second day… It’s sunny sky,
But seems to me the dark.
I sing the songs that make me cry,
It always helps my pain.
I think I see the first in life
Each heavy summer rain!
And for a while the rainy time,
The fall in love with Blues,
I make myself my travel line
With maps I used to choose.
My parents wait the letter while
I live without ring.
My skin is thin, I said last time
I didn’t know they mean.
The sun comes out from the cloud
From time to time to smile.
And finally, God stopped crying loud,
The rainbow’s colours shine.
Let’s letter’s waiting for a day.
It’s time to make the face!
The cake surprised me yesterday,
The welcome back of taste!
I love the beauty I can see,
It brings the quiet rest.
It’s wonderful and kidding me
Like beauty of my dress.

V

I used to hate my own sins
And vices, trying save
The soul in peace. But I still think
I’ve made you, baby, safe.
The people sharpen teeth and knives
Not caring wrong or right.
We kill each other’s souls and lives…
We fight for own pride!
We love the game. It’s such a drive.
There’s no rules of God.
I pray at night your soul’s alive
With angels in the light.
‘Cause justice in the ruins now…
The good is called to win,
But nowadays I don’t know how.
The sin is trendy thing.
The butterfly distracted me
And carried me away
From I had heard and I had seen.
These moments worthy pray.
I asked to bring I’d liked the most.
The mistress met me back.
I didn’t think how much it costs
And smiled to her as well.
The speculation’s proud book’s
Just stealing nights and days.
It makes me laugh “try learn to cook”
And nonsense such a way:
“It’s nothing matter what you’ve done,
Believe you will be well!”
But child all across my mind
To make my life the hell.
It tries to read the people’s heart
Exploring human’s nerves.
Without soul I bet it’s hard!
I’m nothing to deserve…
I threw away all stupid tests,
That pseudo-science’ crap!
I’ve got the ticket to the West,
That’s crazy step by step!
The evil can’t be in good shoes
As Paradise on Earth…
I only know I should choose
My soul and life with yours…
Forgive me, please, for stolen life,
The people are so rude.
Your dad would never call me “wife”,
He was the empty dude.
Our friends were always insincere.
Just jokes to making laugh…
I left in English, cried a tear,
Without hope to love. 
I’d got such feelings after all,
The penitence so hard.
I pray you listen to my call,
You’re all my soul, my heart.
I thought they were my real life
I’d never make the harm,
Because the treasure I could find
Was you would call me “mom”.
I dream of you, I see your face
In clouds in the sky,
Forgive me, do the kind of grace,
And make my tears dried.
The spoon is shining in the sun,
I’m thinking for a while…
I’m trying talking to the son
And blooming with the smile.

VI

The train is rolling on the rails,
The wind is blowing hard…
The peace is in our faults and fails -
I try to learn by heart.
Another thing I’ve always dreamed
Was ice-cream every day.
It’s may be childish. But it seems
I have just left this way.
The way back home is always long…
The mortal sins are drugs.
I asked the priest to come along
To catch the road’s dust.
“That’s boring whining! – I have heard. –
You’ve made the crime at least!
The wonders all around Earth!
And happiness in this!”
It was so odds, so hopeless
To hear speech like that.
I lost the faith in miracles…
I walked to… mom and dad.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,
I made that crime five times!
Nobody owes you any wealth!
You have the legs and arms!
The sins, confessions, making good,
That’s all we can to do!..”
But there is must be heaven truth
We need to go through…
No one gave me the right of voice,
I left my childish room
Without help, without choice
And world become my home.

VII

The desert country… In my mind
I can imagine trees…
The foreign church invites to find
The shelter from the tears.
I’m entering, the colour sun
Lies down to the cross.
The God was waiting for someone,
The colours shined the most.
When I was younger, I have thought
That every human shines.
The light is chain, but we forgot
To share it with smiles.
We hurt each other, kill the lights
And chain that binding hearts
Breaks into chains of laws and rights,
The Lord breaks into gods.
I’m silent sitting on the bench.
I’m orthodox… so… but
May be all churches just in inch
Can bring the sky to heart.   
“You're Heaven, I am down on Earth.
It seems to me the hell.
I used to ask Your help, but youth
Like autumn leaves had fell.
Friends said my faith was fiction life,
Today I hit the ground…
They said my head was in the sky,
I never made a sound.
The anger grew up when they laughed,
The friends like that are foes.
Their words were cutting like the knife.
The perjury has force.
And I forgot the good in pain,
I even tried to change…
I spent much time to make the plan,
But will not take revenge.
I suddenly became awake…
How high was price to that!
Sometimes we need to be the fake,
The main thing’s not be late…
I still believe all in Your hands
Despite I’ve hoped in mine.
Someday You’ll show us Your plan
Although we ended blind.
Forgive despair and mistakes,
I’m twenty-three years old!
The medicine’s progressive state
Does wonders to the souls!
I’m asking just a little chance!
The condemnation, pride,
The cowardice and something else
I’ll try to threw in night…”
I left the church like I was blessed…
The feat of pray was done.
We don’t believe in fairytales,
Forgetting we are one.

VIII

The dozen colours of the sea
Is running through my vein!
I made the wish I want to see
And jumped to the first train.
The awesome South opens arms,
There’s blossom all the year!
The breeze brings healing time to time
With odors in the air…
My living-room is in the hut,
The ice-cream dulls the pain.
I learn to swim. I try so hard!
It makes me laugh again.
I have to challenge to the fear,
The coach will keep me safe.
I lean to trust the Lord I hear
In noise of every wave.
I don’t belong to native wild,
They’re waiting for the dawn…
I don’t know how to live all right
To watching sun does drown.
If only I could turn back time
If only yesterday
I knew the taste of mindless crime
I’d never choose that way.
I’d gather all my strength and will,
The lies I’d go through…
But I will sleep like stone until
Impossible comes true.
I’m trying keeping holding on.
My baby, dear son,
If only I could be more strong
Like now in the sun!
Just promise me you’ll rise again!
I’m down to my knees…
Just keep the promise. I feel pain
Because of many fears!
I’ll take your hand, I will defend,
The God will by my side!
You made my life worth living and
That’s worthy not to hide!
I never wanted stay and wait
For magic from the sky…
But only thing is never late
Your baby’s shiny smile!
It takes the brave to dry one tear
Then sink the world in blood.
If you won’t keep the promise, dear,
I’ll find the one cries loud.
I must redeem! I’ll stop the Earth!
The name of God is love!
I’m going knocking on the doors
To set free all the doves!
Let friends make money, walk the line,
All people stand their ground…
Let them to play the game called “life”,
I have enough I found.
The Heaven always in the heart,
The freedom of the will
Is giving chance for mercy God
To make His own deal.
Awards are waiting for the saints.
We’re like the butterflies,
Then shorter life that exact plans,
Someone continues lies…
I’ll keep on breath and stop the time,
Someday I’ll reach the shore…
The love of life was always mine,
The gift of God I’m sure.
All in His hands, and I will put
In them all of my grief…
There’s no way out so we should
Fight for our own belief.
The East is blowing fairytales...
I always want to stay,
But soon the time to leave this place,
The footprints washed away.
I let the rose of the winds
Brought my heart back to light.
I can get lost and change the field
But hope that I will fight!
I think it was the greatest plan!
The photos need the bag!
I’ll spend my birthday in the train,
All presents wait be back…
The liars hide behind the smile.
The good was gone they told us…
I cried a river wondering why
The children were on shoulders.