Agony

It's agonizing, don't you think,
the way the circle spins around us?
It's like the same song on repeat
of love and hate, of thorns and flowers.

Daenerys said, 'I'll break the wheel!'
I guess I had the same intention.
You never wonder how I feel.
I wanted peace. I wanted friendship.

I'm like a hamster trapped inside
and you're on top, you keep on spinning.
I pull the brakes. I want to stop.
We're winning-losing, losing-winning.

It's agonizing, don't you think?
I wonder how we got here really.
You filled me over to the brink.
I broke the glass. It's slowly healing.

And now I'm empty yet again.
The circle's done its final cycle.
This time I'll stop it. Now I can.
It's ending. This is really final.

It's agonizing, don't you think,
how much you have to pay for freedom.
We talk, we laugh, we eat, we drink,
pretend that nothing else is needed.

And we convince ourselves with time
that this is all we ever wanted.
We show each other that we're fine.
We tell ourselves that it was nothing.

And maybe this is wasted ink,
and wasted time, and wasted effort.
It's agonizing, don't you think?
And now it doesn't even matter.

26.10.2020