34. Something
Something holds me and don’t let go,
But what this thing wants I do not know.
It devours my mind, don’t let me be,
And this strange damned thing binds and blinds me.
I imagine that this is an awful dragon
With the greenest eyes of a reptile.
Its claws are coming nearer to me.
Don’t think ‘twill leave me alone even for a while.
I know I’m mad and I can’t sleep.
Every day I recognize I’m in the deepest deep.
Every moment I live I see this leviathan.
I can’t escape it and won’t, I think, ‘til the end.
Maybe I just dream, maybe hallucinate.
This strange damned thing will no more wait.
It wants to destroy me once ‘n’ for all,
And there’s no one in this world I can call.
Soon I’ll die, I cannot save myself.
I wish I would die fast, wish nothing else.
9–10.07.96, 26.04.97
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