Wanderings of the soul

My grandfather and I were fishermen
 And kindred spirits,
 I often go by the river at night
 I listened to his stories.
 
 Mobile, light and dry,
 How is everything in Kaluga,
 My grandfather was a good storyteller
 What everyone in the neighborhood knew.
 
 Sitting in a hut
 As in a fairy-tale hall
 We were talking about the soul
 And they argued about God.
 
 I said there was no God,
 As we were taught at school,
 But the pious grandfather objected
 And he was angry.
 
 One night in the moonlight,
 When the river glowed,
 Worried, my grandfather told me
 About what happened to him.
 
 "Tom must be thirty years old
 Passed this summer,
 I was not yet gray
 And was,like you, a poet.
 
 I was very ill somehow,
 I don't know what was there,
 But he couldn't even move,
 The power was gone from the body.
 
 Healers, grandmothers, this and that,
 A poultice of mustard,
 It didn't help -
 And I went to the hospital.
 
 The body burned like a fire,
 Hung a hand-whip,
 Everyone was talking about me:
 "He is not a tenant in the world.
 
 I believed it myself at that moment,-
 Close for all the payback,
 And I was closer to heaven,
 Than the rocks of Ararat.
 
 Nurses and doctors were rushing about,
 The stings of the syringes glittered,
 And the flame of a thin candle
 The nightstand was shaking.
 
 As if, the body is cut off,
 I didn't live real,
 And suddenly I felt like
 Flying through the air.
 
 Transparent, light as down,
 I was flying around the ward,
 And saw the doctor, the old women,
 And the body on the bed.
 
 Here's the lampshade, here's the ceiling,
 Here's the moonwalk,
 And I huddled in a corner
 Near the window.
 
 At first I couldn't understand
 What exactly is the matter here,
 And why is the doctor so strict,
 And what's the body down there?
 
 Then it struck: the body is Me,
 I'm dead, what's easier,
 And my family is crying,
 Wife and even mother-in-law.
 
 I wanted to scream out loud,
 Shout, as happened,
 But there was a seal on his mouth
 And the voice was gone.
 
 So I'm a soul now,
 Invisible baby,
 And I flew slowly
 Through the open window.
 
 Where to go? Where to go
 Living without faith?
 What will meet on the way
 Barriers and barriers?
 
 At least in a situation like this
 I didn't have to be,
 I was happy-peace came,
 What previously only dreamed of.
 
 The fear of bodily life has disappeared,
 I was like a pure mind,
 And all the greatness of heaven
 I opened my eyes at once.
 
 I understood the world's grace,
 Harmony Of The Universe,
 So is it worth it to worry
 About the former life perishable.
 
 All the knowledge of the world is before me
 Opened up like a picture,
 And I realized that the globe is earth
 For Space - a speck of dust.
 
 And I am a free soul,
 Everything is open to me,
 And the night is wonderfully good
 And grief is forgotten.
 
 Stars twinkled in the sky,
 The moon was shining,
 I was seething with joy
 Unknown force.
 
  ...
 
 Hovering over a sleeping town
 I heard every rustle,
 Here every house was familiar to me,
 And every stone is precious.
 
 But I left them already
 In the glow of moon spots
 And here, on this frontier,
 For all was incomprehensible.
 
 I waited for someone to give me a message,
 And though I didn't see it with my eyes,
 But there was a feeling that someone was there,
 Flies with me near.
 
 There was a light inside,
 And, illuminated by light,
 I understood-this is my neighbor,
 Dead last summer.
 
 We played dominoes together
 In the evenings, sometimes,
 And they drank strong wine
 In a kiosk at the station.
 
 The two of them worked in the garden,
 All the holidays were met,
 Shared joy and trouble,
 Worries and sorrows.
 
 He went out into the woods one morning,
 On vacation, on nature,
 And there mysteriously disappeared,
 It was as if he had sunk into the water.
 
 The whole village was looking for a guy,
 But here in the rain and cold,
 The paths were covered with snow,
 And I went to the city.
 
 And here he is with me again
 In the sky-high ether,
 We have nothing more to lose
 In the sublunary sinful world.
 
 A friend said to me: "Do not be discouraged,
 Forget about the life of a mortal,
 We will fly to a distant land
 The Unknown Universe.
 
 In the edge of turquoise-blue,
 Where life will last forever,
 Where only joy and peace,
 And happiness is infinite.
 
 We will visit the departed relatives,
 We will reach the goal,
 What do you think? Fly!"
 And so we flew.
 
 In the arms of starry silence
 The world seemed vast,
 And the disk of the beautiful moon
 Gave us a gentle light.
 
 There were flashes here and there
 Tailed comets,
 And the sky was like a temple,
 Built of light.
 
 I flew joyfully-easily,
 It was like a dream,
 And somewhere very far away
 Below, the ground glowed.
 
 But even if I wanted to,
 I couldn't get there,
 Me unknown chapel
 Beckoned like a Ghost of happiness.
 
 ...
 
 My companion next to me was floating in the sky
 And he looked strange,
 As if the whole was made up
 Out of the white mist.
 
 No arms, no legs, no head -
 A patch of whitish shadow,
 And we sailed through the blue
 Like a couple of ghosts.
 
 Light from the star-Islands
 In the desert of the universe,
 And a friend's thoughts are like words
 Printed in consciousness.
 
 "We share a common destiny,
 Separated-by the grave,
 And I was sent for you
 By an unknown force.
 
 Do you see a blue star
 In the endless desert?
 I'll take you there
 Already for life eternal.
 
 We were good friends,
 Looking for happiness together,
 And I will not leave you
 Without God's lot.
 
 But only one thing is waiting for you
 The big test,
 It is destined for all people,
 Going to the world of knowledge.
 
 You will pass through darkness and light
 Alone in silence.,
 For transgressions you will give the answer
 Before the Creator and God.
 
 Then we'll meet again,
 Let's go to other planets,
 I'll never have to lose
 Each other in this world.
 
 Now go, setting a goal
 Find your way to happiness..."
 And suddenly the tunnel opened
 Open greedy mouth.
 
 I looked around: "where are you,friend?"
 But it was empty,
 And then suddenly I was seized
 Unknown force,
 
 And pulled
 Closing his arms tightly,
 As the mad surf pulls
 Birch splinter.
 
 I was running in total darkness,
 In the damp cold darkness,
 Like a can on the tail
 A frightened dog.
 
 There was a continuous noise.,
 Like a factory boiler room,
 A cold fear seized me
 And the horror is boundless.
 
 Who was knocking, what was the noise,
 I didn't think,I didn't know
 There were no thoughts,no thoughts,
 But only readiness for trouble.
 
 And I was going to
 To part with a personal life,
 My tortured soul
 Everything has become indifferent.
 
 But...a light flashed in the distance,
 Like a star in the middle of the night,
 And I, the lost son of Earth,
 Very happy.
 
 ...
 
 And the light grew and grew,
 Hot light beat,
 And like the smell of fresh roses,
 It spilled all around me.
 
 There was a soft,steady light everywhere,
 Everything is made of light,
 We probably don't have a word,
 To Express it all.
 
 And I saw the Creature.
 In the language of the wretched
 I don't know what to call it,
 The overmind, or God.
 
 I saw the miracle of being
 The origins and Eternity,
 I burned and burned and melted
 In the Divine stream.
 
 I was like in a fairy tale, like in Paradise,
 But the CREATURE said:
 - Let's see your life
 From death to the beginning.
 
 From good and bad deeds,
 That was in the life of a mortal,
 Depends on the mortal destiny
 And a place in the Universe.
 
 Light of wonderful ideas
 Burning endlessly,
 And if you lived for people,
 You will be with them forever.
 
 Now look...And life went
 Like a movie in the hall,
 I've seen all my business,
 Worries and sorrows.
 
 And I saw how I did evil,
 As a burden of misery,
 How lucky and unlucky I was,
 How time ran away.
 
 And I was ashamed sometimes
 To horror, to pain,
 But life was flowing in front of me,
 Like a river in an open field.
 
 Here is something I stole there,
 Here was dishonest again,
 Here deceived, let down, lied,
 He broke his word.
 
 Sometimes I dreamed passionately,
 Just to dream about it,
 But the film is my life-
 Spun and spun.
 
 The stream of events swam and swam,
 And with sadness I saw,
 How little I ever loved,
 How much he hated!
 
 Empty little things
 Life was torn apart,
 And now it's gone
 Neither good nor bad.
 
 When would I return it again
 Now these moments,
 How could I love like that
 And live in the world.
 
 But too late.Again do not go
 On the passed roads,
 Back ordered ways
 Beyond the threshold of life.
 
 ...
 
 Longing, remorse tormented,
 In great confusion,
 I stood timidly before him -
 PRESVETA-WISE FACE.
 
 I was like a butterfly on fire,
 As before the wind ear,
 And suddenly I heard in the silence
 The divine voice.
 
 "You have seen the chain of your sins
 All of it, from the beginning,
 Think about how to fix them
 And start all over again.
 
 The one who lives is always on the way
 By will or captivity,
 Live - not a field to go,
 It is necessary to sow the field.
 
 Still enough in the world of evil,
 Violence, lies, treason,
 Human feelings and deeds
 Still imperfect.
 
 It will be time some day
 Spiritual omnipotence,
 From small grains of good
 Shoots of happiness will spring up.
 
 Your beautiful age will come,
 The dream will come true,
 Go! Create! You're Human
 And Mind particle..."
 
 Then all at once everything disappeared suddenly,
 And I saw again
 Ward, nurses, old women,
 And Dr. gray.
 
 I didn't want to die-
 This is an empty case.
 And, sinking down on the bed,
 I was back in my body.
 
 Many years have passed since then,
 The road is nearing its end,
 But I remember that wonderful light
 And I believe in God.
 
 The old man finished his story,
 And quietly-quietly became,
 Just one yellow moon eye
 He looked at us wearily.
 
 Houses village lights
 They burned with a clear light,
 And this evening by the river
 It seemed beautiful to me.