About a Bee

               
Part 1. My World.
Debra looked up at the ceiling, but saw a heavy gray sky clouds seemed filled with heavy rain. They looked like a swollen big inflated breasts with a big drop of water about to pour out of it to flop right on her forehead. A huge nipple with a gray drop began to approach to her face and Debra squinted her eyes with fear or sudden surprise, she still could not understand where she was. She tried to remember what happened to her in the morning.
- It's probably evening now if there's no sun outside , she thought.
What about the clouds on the ceiling or did I dream it all?
I need to wake up ! What a strange dream...or maybe I didn’t sleep at all...
- Debbie, shhh... My dear daughter it is your mother, don't be afraid. Are you in any pain? -  mother asked and touched her hand.
- No there is nothing wrong with me, - Debra said, and opened one eye, then another, turned her head to the left and saw her mother sitting in a chair near her bed, - What day and time is it?
- It's Monday evening 7 p.m. , - Sara answered. Debra looked out of the window and saw a gray sky with a growing cloud, which had a big eye. The eye looked at her and seemed as if it squinted with laughter, and then began to approach closer to her face. Debra again closed and opened her eyes in panic, but after hearing the children's voices , she finally calmed down. It was her hospital roommate’s husband with two children. Sara, got up and closed the curtain in the middle of the room to give some privacy to the visitors.
Debra looked at the ceiling - there were two long bright lamps, I am still in the hospital, then she looked at the window and saw a dark sky, that’s right it is evening, but tomorrow I will be discharged, because the doctor said in three days I can go home. I can’t wait to see my Anne. I can call her mine , right? Where is she by the way ? Why she didn’t visit me yet? - Debra thought, - but anyway It's better to keep quiet about hallucinations, or they won't let me go home.

My name is Debra Rose Beeline,  my mom calls me Rose when she is serious or Debbie, when she is worried, but my friends always call me - just Bee.
I live in Brooklyn’s two bedroom apartment between Neptune Ave  and Briton Beach 46th Street with my mom Sara and her white cat Snowflake. Our balcony is on the fifth floor and it is facing the ocean. I cannot really see it , but I can hear it.
If I close my eyes I can see deep blue waters, the waves softly kissing  sandy shore.  I can hear the sound of the ocean now and slowly falling asleep... 
- Do I really want to sleep ? - I stopped my perfect imagination with the sharp thought, - Am I even alive?!
Excellent, it’s after 3 am , I guess now I will not be able to sleep until tomorrow. It’s already tomorrow! Maybe I can think of something else to fall back to sleep...
- Do you have any idea how much money you spent already?! - I talked to myself,
... Money - Ha! , I can hear it  in my head , -
“Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world”
Good song by the way! When is this happen 80-90s? Hmm it was good crazy time.
Back then I was young and skinny and full of ideas.
- Who knew you can end up lonely and broke. Stop!!! 
- That’s not true , I have friends and family and job. 
“I am a girl who has everything...” - song again ? - you are funny .
- Hey, I love Disney songs! Maybe I should go to Orlando with my niece if my brother’s wife would ever let me. Even when Carrol was five years old and I brought her a Barbie doll who was a character Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and same book , it was one of my favorite books,  for her birthday.  Even on her birthday, her mother didn’t let me be with her alone at the backyard. We were just playing and I remember that was telling Carrol a story about little girl Dorothy at the Emerald  City. 
- Who let you take her outside without my permission?! - Sandy screamed at me, - I was worried sick. Why did you take her?!
- Sandy, we were just right here in the backyard , playing.
You know how much I love Carrol, she is my niece , we are family. I would never hurt her or you.
- You have no rights! Have your own daughter to play with!
- Sorry , I understand,  - I answered, I didn’t really understand, why can’t I spend time with my niece.
My brother also tried to convince me to agree and to be patient with her, 
- She just a little overboard, - he explained, - overprotective of her child. She just loves Carrol too much that’s why she kept her by her side all the time. Always scared of something might happen to her daughter.
- If she ever will let her daughter to go to school and make friends?
- Don’t worry she already did last week , she went to school with Carrol and was watching her from the outside. She was waiting for her until classes ended  at noon.
- That’s too much pressure, don’t you think?!
- What can I do , after those shootings at school , she is afraid to let Carrol to go  anywhere by herself.
- I understand, that frustration, but what if Sandy has to go to work herself.
Steve started laughing,
-Sandy is working?! No this is never going to happen, she thinks, that her work is at home. Good wife supposed to keep house clean and cook dinner and wash laundry and take care of own children. That’s cannot be done if she will have full time job. 
- How about part time job?
- Debra, please leave me alone! Job for Sandy is out of question. I already told her that I will support her and the child. We will have enough money. Think of yourself! Are you truly happy with your job really? You still have no family of your own, why?
- What do you mean - no family. I have Mom and you! I like my job, it’s creative and even if there small money, but with the budget and planning, I am doing just fine.
- Mom and I ! No it is not enough , we don’t live in your house! Don’t you feel lonely sometimes?
- I like to be by myself, plus I am always busy at home. Love my books and piano. Hey, by the way, I signed up for ballroom dancing and gym.
My thoughts were  not helping me to fall asleep it’s actually opposite.


Part 2 - Machine of Happiness.

Why did I remember this now, ah yes,  I wanted to take my niece Carrol to the Disney World with me. She is fourteen - a teenager now, and probably she will not even want to go with me at all and will prefer to be with her friends. 
I didn’t see my brother and his family for the last ten years, sometimes we talk on the phone when he got birthday cards and money from me. His wife and daughter never called.
I was lonely, so I called my mom and told her that I will come over tomorrow for Passover. My mom is amazing, she is active at her seventy, travels with her golden age friends and enjoys fashion shows and concerts.
...I wish I have as many friends as she does, and not only female friends but boyfriends too.
I was only thinking to start dating again and it makes me sick to the point, that I want to hide under the blanket and never get out of my bed. 
I am scared of touching someone else, not only physically, but emotionally.
If I like someone, I close myself like shell and waiting to be found and opened by that person, but I would never come over and freely spoke to him , even look at his eyes. 
Silly girl, he cannot read your mind, how would he knows that you liked him and was waiting for him to come over. Why would he even be interested in me? Am I going to impress him with my appearance or make him smile , or tell him something interesting? Maybe I can tell him about new movie I watched or about dancing, yes that’s an idea! I will ask him if he likes dancing too. Yeah right and scared him out right away! He will probably think that I am desperate... am I ? 
When last time did you have any relationships? I mean a healthy-all-the-way one.
When the last time you had a normal conversation with a men?
Last week I was hanging out with my co-workers over the light drinks .
But they are coworkers -  No, that’s doesn’t count!

Am I speaking to myself again...?! Yes I guess I am.
I have to get out of the house soon, otherwise I will go crazy!!! 
Should I get a cat or a dog, maybe?! They will love me as I am, without judgement.
- Would it make you happy?     
- Yes, I suppose. Nice to have someone to take care of and to talk to.
-What else can make you happy?
- I don’t know. Did they invented happy pills yet? 
- Why people always want to be happy? 
- Probably because we have abilities to feel ,  let’s enjoy them... our feelings!
- Are you happy?
- Stop it please, all  those questions are such nonsense !
Remember Ray Bradbury’s book “A wine from the dandelions” , where the men invented Machine of Happiness. He wanted to make everyone happy.
- What his machine supposed to do?
 If I am sad that I am overweight , so I will go to that machine and come out skinny and happy? 
If I am sad, machine will tell me jokes to make me laugh - will it make me happy? 
If I have no money to travel, machine will show me new places where I wanted to be and this will make me happy?
Is that machine can give me a baby? Or make me 10 years younger or prettier , or teach me new skills, so I can get a better job than my boring accounting?
- You are being sarcastic..., stop this vining and smile for a change ! Yes - I exactly, that book about a men, who wanted to invent a machine of happiness, but at the end he realized that his wife is that machine , they both are! Everyday he is working like a clock to bring groceries home, which makes his family happy and his wife is making fresh bread  and cleaning the house and taking kids to school and he is making love to her, and all these years they we’re doing all these routines over and over again , which made everything better and possible, because if something happen and life clock is stopped or delayed that someone will be unhappy. He has to keep himself running to keep life clocks working without any stops or delays in order to  make everyone in his family happy. Because if they are happy, he is happy too. 
He was the real Machine of happiness and I think we are our own machine of happiness.

 Only I can make myself happy no one else can. I have to do what I like and what I want, and what I can achieve and more. I just have to keep moving the clock of my life and don’t stop to think about it. 



Part 3 - Shabbat’s wishes.

My Mom closed her eyes and said a prayer - “Boruh  ota odo nay..”
- Amen - I replied, hearing echo in my head , imagined my brother’s voice as well, - Mom, I missed my brother and his little princess, she is a teenager now, I cannot imagine how fast time flies, right?!
- Yes, I wish my granddaughter will be here with us, - Mom said with sadness in her voice , - Did you talk to your brother lately? How his family doing? 
- I did , - I said, - everyone is doing good, he is working and studying. They are happy together Mom and all that is matter. Don’t worry about them. They are Healthy and Successful.
- You are right sweetheart, I am glad they are and that’s why I am happy for all of you. G-d Bless his family!
- Steve invited us to come over to his place every time when I spoke to him on the phone. Would you like to go there together? Carrol has a winter break.
- Are you sure you can take any vacation days from your work now ? It’s a tax season and you are always busy, remember?! 
- That’s true , right now is not a good time. Let’s plan for next month by end of May.
- Carrol will be back to school in May and we will not see her again. 
- Mom, I am not sure if we will see her even if we will go there next week. Winter break for teenagers is the best outing time. She probably wants to spend it with her friends.
Actually, let’s be spontaneous and go see Steve next Monday. You are absolutely right, I do need a break from my work as well, plus I am pretty much done with all my clients taxes. I will book a flight. Because we both deserve a great time! 

I felt excited about the trip, maybe my intuition is going to work this time.
I booked a flight and a hotel in Orlando, in this case we can visit my brother’s family and  spend few days in the Disney World.
I didn’t tell Mom about Disney, because I wanted to keep it a little surprise for her.
She loves Magic Kingdom’s parade with beautiful illuminations and all attractions.

Sara was cleaning from the table, while I was using my IPad for booking our vacation. I noticed that her hands were trembling and I offered to help with dishes,
- Mom, please take some rest I will do the dishes and you will just lie down here on the couch and think what should we pack. Make small list for 5 days, alright?
- Rose, I am so happy we are going there! Aww, thank you sweetie.

She sat down on the couch, I can hear her quietly crying. 
- I love you momma, - I sat next to her and we were holding each other in the arms.
And yet this feeling of happiness, feeling of life in this exact moment gave me the reason to believe that everything will be alright.

We landed in West Palm beach airport on Monday afternoon. The sun was burning at us, after cold New York weather it felt like we were in paradise. I put our warm coats and sweaters in the suitcase, called the taxi and hour later we arrived to Steve’s house.
- Surprise! - I  smile and yelled, when Sandy opened the door.
- Hello! - said Sandy with her always calm voice, it’s always hard to guess her mood , because she hides her emotions so well or maybe she doesn’t have any , I always wondered.
- Sorry I didn’t call in advance, Mom and I wanted to make a surprise. 
Sara stepped forward to give Sandy a hug. 
- How are you Sandy? - she said, - I am so happy to see you! 
Sara hugged her and Sandy stepped out from the door , letting Mom to go inside.
I picked up our suitcase and walked inside too followed them.
- Hey, more bags?! - I exclaimed, when I saw three more suitcases were staying in the corridor, - Do you have guests?

Steve came down stairs,
- Hi sis! You should have called me!!! - he almost yelled and I felt he got irritated - Why are you here with Mom?! How did you guys get here so fast, why you didn’t say anything two days ago when we spoke on the phone? - Steve asked.
He looks confused. Sandy went to the kitchen without saying a word, Carrol was staying in the leaving room , she didn’t look happy either.
- Come over sunshine, don’t you want to hug grandma ?! - asked Sara, - I miss you Carrol baby you become tall and beautiful lady now. Sara opened her arms, waiting for Carrol to come over, but after a minute she stepped forward and went closer to kiss her granddaughter in the chicks , which makes Carrol even more uncomfortable. 
- Mom, let me hug her too, - I asked and hugged both of them and than came over to Steve to kiss him. - Hi my baby brother , - I said to him, even though he was 5 years older than me. I leaned closer to him, - Aren’t you happy to see us?
- I am truly happy, but the thing is we have a flight in 4 hours and taxi will pick us up in an hour. 

- Where are you going? You didn’t tell me either when I asked you if Carrol will be home for her Spring break. 
- Sorry, I didn’t want you to get jealous, but we are going on vacation to Europe for few weeks. I should have told you.

Steve come over to sit down on the couch next to mom.
- I love you mom, but we really have to leave soon . Do you want some juice or water?
- No worries sweetie, water is fine.  I saw you for few minutes and I am happy now I only wish you to enjoy your trip. You deserve it and it will be wonderful and educational for Carrol. Right baby?- Sara looked at Carrol. - I am happy for all of you! 
Carrol said “yes” quietly and went to the kitchen to bring glass of water for grandma. 
- Where are you staying? - asked Steve.
- I thought we can stay with you for few days, - I replied. 
- I can leave you my keys, - said Steve, - but let me ask Sandy first ok?
Steve went to the kitchen to talk to his wife.
We heard some arguments in the low voices, Steve came back to the room by himself without his wife.
- Do you mind if I call you a cab to get you to the hotel across the street? - he asked with the pain of embarrassment on his face.
- Steve, you don’t have to worry about it, we will be fine. Thank you. We are big girls, we can manage ourselves to get there. I think we will take overnight Amtrak train to get to Orlando and I will call hotel now to reserve room , we wanted to take Carrol to Disney World with us, but mom and will be perfectly fine,
Everything will be ok, right Mom?
- Of corse it will be fine.  Please Keep us posted about your Eurotrip, looking forward for the wonderful pictures!
- Thank you Mom! - Steve hugged her, - I miss you too so much! I will call a taxi to take you to the station.
In twenty-thirty minutes we were saying good-byes and were on our way to the train station.


      Part 4. Train’s passenger.

All sitting places were taken already and we booked sleeping cabin in the Amtrak train , which was expensive, but included food and inside bathroom.
Mom looked upset, but I was so glad everything worked out this way. I wanted to think positive and be happy about this. 
- Debra Rose , I think it was was a bad stupid idea to go there without calling, right? - asked Sara.
- Mom, we are on vacation and we have to enjoy every moment, no worries! Let’s eat and sleep for now, tomorrow is another beautiful day! -
I tried to cheer her up.

We went  to have supper at the restaurant car, but mom didn’t feel good after flight and stressful day, she was really upset that she couldn’t spend time with Steve. She felt tired, so we took meals to our room. I also ordered pot of tea and two pieces of cake, just in case if Mom will want to taste some later. She felt asleep and I went outside of the room to stay a bit at the long corridor.
Train seems to become faster than before as the trees disappeared quickly in the window. Sunset light was deep pink and purple, - it could be windy tomorrow, - I didn’t realized, that I said it loudly and didn’t noticed another closed by passenger in the corridor, who got turned and asked,
- Excuse me, did you call me ?
- No, sorry I probably was talking to myself, - I smiled, - the sunset looks nice, isn’t?
- Yes,- she answered . The lady , probably my age , she was smoking and looking at the window, then came over closer and offered me a cigarette.
- No, thank you, I am not smoking, - I said. 
- So do I, - she replied, - it was just a bad day. She put away the cigarette and asked me where I am going,
- I am Anne by the way , - she gave me her strong hand to shake.
- You are Anne with “E” at the end ?! - I smiled back and shook her hand.
- Yes! - She exclaimed , - Ahh, do you like that book too?
- I certainly love it so much , it is one of my favorite “Anne from the Green Gables” I always wanted to be like her when I was a child, - I got shy all of a sudden, maybe the way she looked at me or the sparks in her gray eyes made me put down mine, - I am just Bee, - I answered, - but officially Debra Rose Beeline.
- And I am “officially “ , - she emphasized my word with laughter, - Angela Anne Weitz , but please call me Anne and I will call you Bee, it’s suits you perfectly!
- Really, you are making fun of me!
- Just a little, I always do when I like someone.
- You made me blush, I answered, - Would you like some tea with piece of cake? I got it for my mom, but she got tired and fall asleep already, she won’t eat it.
- Yes I would love some, - said Anne ,- Let’s have it in my cabin so we will not disturb your mom.
- Sure, let her sleep, I will bring the cake and pot of tea. Do you have cups?
- Yes I do, let me help you to carry, she offered.
We entered her cabin, it was smaller than the one we had with mom, probably because she was traveling alone.
- I didn’t know there is a single rooms on the train, I thought there is only on the cruise ships. Are you going to Orlando?- I asked her and placed plate with cakes on the small table and sit next to her on the bench.
- Actually, I am transferring in Orlando to another line to get to Miami. My dad is in the hospital. I was living in New York for the past few years, but new job is not what I expected plus dad got sick, so I decided to come back home, need to take care of him. He is getting better it was just bronchitis. Can you imagine, I told him -  how did you got it in the hot weather?  Right? - she asked me waiting for approval, - I can’t stand New York winters anymore, I guess I am not used to it.
- I am so sorry about your dad, I hope he will get better  soo . Yes I know how it felt, even I lived in Brooklyn all my life, I don’t like winter time either , maybe only the snowflakes, we have a cute white cat named Snowflake, she is staying with my neighbors now. Yes I agree, winter is no fun, especially the cold wind for sure, - I laughed, - We were eating cakes and drinking earl grey tea , talking about our lives and experiences and feelings all night long until the first ray of the sun appeared in the window.       It was so nice to watch the dawn together. We become good friends so easily and it felt so right , as if I know her all my life. Anne covered me with the blanket and put her arms over my shoulders.
- Angela Anne Weitz, you know I really like your name “Angela” as well. It sounds like an angel, which you truly are. I feel... - I was blushing again, that I know you for many years, - I told her and put my head on her hand, - Would you like to spend a day in Orlando with me before you go to Miami? We can go together to the Magic Kingdom to watch parade and fireworks?
- I thought you will never asked, - she hugged me tight, - Yes I do want it so much, Bee. I want go with you to the end of the world, - she leaned closely and looked me in the eyes. I closed my eyes and she kissed me gently as it was really an angle kiss , so tense, soft and warm , filled with love and passion.



Part 5. Fireworks.

- Girls! Have you ever stop laughing, - Sara asked with a smile on her face, - Please girls unpack your suitcases already and let’s go to the Park, otherwise the line will be huge.
- Mom, don’t worry we almost done, - Debra answered .
- “Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it.” - said Anne, -  it’s from the “Anne of the Green Gables” .
- You are clever girl , my dear , said Sara, and  I am so glad we met you. I have never seen my daughter as happy as she is now! Thank to you !!! Now please  get ready quickly !
- The pleasure is mine, answered Anne, - I am happy to meet you too Sara, I am glad you rested  and have energy,  yes we are ready! Can’t wait to meet Minnie and Mickey Mouses - she exclaimed and hugged my mom.
We had a wonderful time at the Magic Kingdom Park, we had riding the boat in the Small World, danced with Cinderella and Snow White, laughed out loud while circled in the TeaCups ride and had a delicious meal at the beautiful Cinderella Castle, watching fireworks.
There were million stars in the sky and air was filled with music and we were dancing nonstop. The last thing I remember kissing Anne and laughing loudly, I was so happy and really wanted that night last forever. Holding her in my arms, feeling hot skin of her body, which smelled with the roses and lilac flowers, I wanted to merge  and drown inside her skin and disappear there forever.
- You are my true soulmate you know, - Anne said  - “True friends are always together in spirit“.
My heart was pounding hard and my head was spinning faster with the music surrounded and loud shootings of the fireworks! I was falling..., I was falling in love!
Suddenly, I was pushed so hard.
Darkness and heat, bright lights, sirens, hospital’s smell of medications, everything got mixed together in my head.

- Hi sis! , - I woke up when I heard my brother’s voice.
- Steve?!! What are you doing here? Did you fly out from Europe just to see me ? That’s crazy, you shouldn’t, I am fine . How about your family, they will be mad with you... - I asked him, -
       - No worries sister, they are here with me. Our flight got cancelled and plus after what we heard from the news  about what happened in Orlando, I called mom and I am here. You have to know, that I am always available for you and mom , alright!
- Thank you sweetie, - I said and hugged him.
I saw my niece Carrol was sitting with grandma , my mom Sara was hugging her and Sandy was standing next to Steve.
- Hi Debra, you should read today’s newspaper, please look at the article, it’s about your friend, she saved kids during the firework, - Sandy said and gave me newspaper.
- Thank you Sandy, - I answered, - Did you mean my friend Anne? - I asked in disbelief.
 
 I looked at the article in the newspaper, the title said “About a Bee”, but it had picture of Anne caring little girl. Article was written in the memory of brave hero, who saved many children in Orlando’s Disney Park at the Cinderella castle, when explosion caused the fire during the fireworks. It said , that Anne told little kids do not be afraid at all, that she is a brave Bee, who will fly over the fire to hand them into the window over to the firefighters safely.
- She saved you too sis, - said Steve.
- Where is she? Is Anne ok?
- No sorry Debra, she got too many burns on her back, doctors couldn’t  do anything, - Steve answered with deep sadness.               

I looked at the window, sky got darker and only one bright star, looked like a golden bee. It was my Anne, she was saying goodnight to me again.
- Wait for me Anne, I will keep you in my heart my beautiful Bee, my angel,  because we are soulmates forever.