When

A story of how I looked for an answers and found them but realized that answers is not the point. And what is the point then?

First let me introduce myself. I’m Russian. It’s not typical for Russian to write in English cause Russian language is quite different from your language. But it is the case for all languages other than native. More than that I do write poems in Russian, not bad poems to my mind. In Russia it’s typical to write poems. We love it. That’s why it’s almost impossible to write something meaningful to attract people’s attention and share views on some eternal topics like faith, hope, meaning of life, destination etc. We here in Russia like asking questions very much but don’t like answering them. It can take ages. Usually we try to find a victim (responsible person if to use business polite version) and punish him or here for not giving the answer (cause questions we are asking are not for answering) and then forget about that question for some decades or hundreds of years. It’s typical, I’d even say - normal. On the other hand we can feel deep in our souls, worry a lot, live and pass through for that person, add here five or seven over verbs which I didn’t find in your language (but which exist in Russian, I can assure you) to describe how good it is for us to find someone to let us sleep further and keep peace in our society. Peace is all we need. Not world by the way but peace. I can distinguish from these two words well however they have same spelling in Russian. It’s sign I believe.
So going down to business. I studied your poems and came to the conclusion that you can’t really write them. I checked the statistics and discovered that English consists of more than 1 million words but if I want to find a rhyme to some word in my poem (I do use websites for this cause my English is not that goof to allow me not to do it) I see just a short list of 1 page long. And when I’m doing the same when I write poem in Russian I receive the list of 4 to 5 pages long. You can ask why I’ doing so? You should know it by heart cause you was born Russian – you can tell me. It’s hard to explain but when you go to page 3 or 4 of the list you will find a lot of new words displaying the same subject from different angles and to your surprise you still can understand them, and yes from page 3 words are not translatable to any language, sorry.
The main result of my thorough study was the poem written by Robert Frost “The Road Not Taken”. I liked last stanza a lot and decided to use it as an epigraph for my own short poem.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Never take flowers from strangers

The lie is not disappointing. It’s the role truth plays.
The one-day butterfly, born in an autumn sorrow,
You’ll think always
That leaves just die, and never grow.

Take that late flower. Dance a while.
And you will see it fades away.
But what’s important is your smile.
Believe me, it has made my day.

You say your day’s not started yet?
But all is gone. Feel no regret.


I liked what I wrote. I tried to compare it with XXth century materials and realized that you use modern, business, “cold” English. My point is to bring soul, emotions as we in Russia understand and describe them to your poems. As place is empty why not to take it. In Russia we do believe in signs and they all bad in most of the cases like black cat crossed your way, you met woman with empty buckets, you heard door bell, opened the door and no one was there and other funny things. I can tell you that it’s all because of saints. If you compare Russian saints and Greek ones you will see that faces of Russian saints are more strict and severe. It’s because of us cause we do believe in everything which lets us not to do  anything but sit on an ass and watch TV or i-net – news or shows in other words. We are lazy people and always rely on either winter (you can see it from history) or on hero. In critical situations Mother-Russia always gives us something out of two. Hero is not who but what cause we always kill heroes after they execute their work but it’s not different from other places in the world. Poor heroes. My second poem is just about this topic.

Black angel confessing a soul

Keep telling. Words will mark your way.
See changes made your person due.
The world is smiling, asks to stay
But time is up. You’re feeling blue.

Old steamer’s ladder touches ground.
You’re taking step towards your dream.
You wasn’t lost but still you’re found
And eyes are hidden by hat’s brim.

Eye pupil’s black & ‘s keeping fire.
Last beat of heart. Last drop of truth.
Words’re dying no one to inspire.
Your life is gray but look at roof!

For those who can fly, my dear,
You lived, you sang.
                I hope it’s clear?

* Come on (shock)!!! No signal. Defibrillator's charging. Clear!
  Don't give up (shock)!!! No signal. Defibrillator's charging. Clear!
  Be a man (shock)!!! No signal. Defibrillator's charging. Clear!
  Enough((( No signal-l-l------------------------------------------
We will always remember you deep in our hearts. Rest in peace. We love you………….

I’m not sure that my English in poems could be well understood by native speakers but when I checked songs in English I didn’t see a lot of gramma there or thought. If to take Shakespeare he invented a lot of new words. In Russia we do the same when rhyme is conflicting with gramma. Rhyme always wins. It’s the rule otherwise it would a prose. Poems in prose? We do it Russian as well but it’s out of scope in this story or will appear not often. Attempt is below.


It's all about trust

 Skies.
 Look there from time to time
 Laying down on a bench
 And following running late clouds
 Lightened by disappearing sun.
 It’s my gift to you.
 I know you don’t remember your name
 But it will come.
 One day
 When unlocking the door with your key
 Door you are looking for
 You will say your name to me as before
 And then we’ll talk.

What I want to add to the above is one short sentence came to my mind by chance I believe:
Truly happy are not those who fly in dreams, but those who do not return after these flights.

So, you see I’m doing not bad on your territory. At least I think it is so. And as all in our today’s life is a matter of exchange I will tell you what I want to receive back from your language purpose driven. It’s clear from story name. I want to receive answers, English answers for Russian questions. I know it’s not typical but I can’t receive it from Russian language cause we will get stuck in description of examples questions related but not answering in full, exceptions, emotions and other jams. A word I tried to put here is Russian specific and can be defined as snots chewing – a typical Russian word. It’s what you do with your Brexit. So here I address more to American English than British. If you need answers you go direct not around. And as Russians do believe in signs, I can treat as a sign that my favorite poem in English is written by American poet. His other poems I didn’t like especially written in young age.
To be honest I truly believe that to this point I did more than all English poetry to date to bring soul to poems. Shakespeare and other poets using ancient language are out of scope cause not well understood by young generations to my mind. So it’s right time to list the questions I want to receive answers to (not from a human being but from society as a whole using English language). Here they are:

- What’s happening with you when you are dreaming?
- What’s the acceptable description of a happy life of a person?
- Why we are living (typical Russian question)?
- Your attitude to suffering and heroism (close definitions)?
- Why to live for others not for yourself?
- Do you control your life or believe in luck or rely on the off chance?

These are few to start the dialog. I understand that all the nations are different but as English is used across the globe it’s quite convenient to understand the specifics behind. I can address to native speakers the following sentence: “Handrails are not useful for those who can jump over several steps at once.” In my case it’s not applicable. Not sure that it will be achieved ever but who cares. I like write poems, I like write poems in English, I don’t think that you’re currently doing it well so I will help you. And you’d better know that if Russian has decided to help you he or she (doesn’t matter) will help you no matter what will happen next. We like helping others cause it makes us feel well and not to think of our own problems. But (and Russians love to use word “But” – I know you don’t like it) you can see it clearly in my case.
Below are two poems describing one situation, continuing one another. Have fun. I know you like it. It’s football fans who told me that. They are about the same with Russian ones. We learn from each other.


Today

Darkness is not the right word to say
 Cause when you pronounce it you lose.
 But moment’s gone. No need to pray.
 All what’s left to watch the news.

 Next day is? Yes, yesterday.
 You remember it? No worries.
 I will skip this and that day
 Just for you. Count on me always.

 Want to know what’ll go next?
 It’s forbidden but who cares.
 Yesterday! You’re right. You’re the best.
 You go down or upstairs?

 Can’t decide? You’re done? Enough?
 Leave you here for one day…
I’ve come back and brought new stuff.
 Blood has written word – Today.


How difficult is to speak with a mirror


You see two ways. You see two problems.
 And air is telling you the story
 How brave men gone to their glory
 Were solving same dilemma always.

 No panic. Think. They lost, forgotten.
 You’re still alive and choice is yours.
 You see the tunnel full of doors
 But locks are closed and keys are broken.

 Illusion’s ruling mind of yours
 That choice is yours, that choice is yours.
 And mirror whispers to your ears -
 You see yourself. You’re there and here.

 Take hammer and decide who’ll stay.
 You’ll win and lose. Come on. Be brave…
Your shell is going its last way.
 You made yourself and made my day.

It’s all about news in the end. News is just water. Need fresh every day. After ages it would be good if someone will come around two dates describing your life. We are not the great as predecessors. Thanks God they were bad poets. I’m talking about English ones, remember? Russian ones are great especially Pushkin, Lermontov, Blok, Tsvetaeva. We have a lot. Try to read them. You will learn more than you can expect but will understand nothing. It’s normal. We believe in signs more than in God. And Russian poems are full of signs. Unfortunately, all of them died and can’t explain what they really meant by this or that. If to take all these literary experts I’d say ….. knowing who poems are cooked – you need to ask author directly and still it can take some time (hours, days) for here or him to explain. Remember Oscar Wilde’s expression – I Spent All Morning Taking Out a Comma and All Afternoon Putting It Back. It’s critical and we (I say we as I treat myself as a poet, try to get us to it) often do not know what we are trying to say by this or that expression. A poet is always looking for a muse or inspiration and in this period of time not controlling words well. It’s poetry it’s not a rocket science as you like to say. That’s why I’m here.
A bit of humor from my side. Please be prepared.

End of the World Chronicles

And God descended into the world on the Day of Judgment,
And He asked: "Are there any children here?"
And He knew that by the mouth of the infant speaks the Truth.
He wanted to hear the voice of his Beloved Son.
And children answered: "Yes, we are here."
And God asked them: "What question do you want me to answer you, my children?"
And children said: "Tell us how You created the world."
And God said: "Well, listen then."
The below is the speech of God:
I created the world in darkness. Therefore, in order to feel this better,
We must first get there.
…
Do you feel yourself in darkness? - Yes (happy children's choir responded).
Then I created everything that exists in the world - plants, animals, people and other staff.
More precisely, it was not I who was creating it, but gods.
But I, as I am omnipotent, and they are not - I defeated them.
Children: What were their names?
God: Don't you know, children? Then I will say to you: astronautics, aircraft industry, heavy and light industry, anatomy and many more others.
Having defeated them, I became tired. This happens to Me from time to time, but not often and because of this I (in order to rest) persuaded the Goddess (remember, I defeated the gods, and I did not defeat the Goddess), who is called Mom, so that she, while I’ll be resting, looked after the world till My return.
God, that is, I, is not resting here, but in a special place where only He can enter.
So, I go there, and I wish you a pleasant hunt for mammoths.
Yes, I know that they became extinct. What a clever infant – perhaps it’s you by whose mouth is speaking my Son – you call him Truth. Here, take that club, a magic one (God smiled to his face). But I managed to persuade them to be with you as educators for some ten or twenty thousand years.
Wish you all the best.
Your beloved God.

And here is the story behind on how it was all organized cause God is never coming to an unorganized and unprepared locations. God is a final boss. Don’t forget it. And only Jesus Christ knows where He is. And in order to pass Jesus you need to persuade Him to take you to Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it really necessary to start moving?

One man was standing close to a shabby wall and was asking no one (to wind perhaps):
 - Is it really necessary to start moving?
 His clothes were dirty and hair unwashed.
 Morning sun kept shining cause didn’t pay attention to this area knowing that something should happen there pretty soon.
 Suddenly little bee came up and stung that man to his cheek and died right after.
- Understood, Master. I’m ready. You can show up.
- Death for death – said another man appearing with a small air whirl and patting untouched cheek.
- His name is El-Nuh-Ret. He’ll be in Soningos this sunset. Find him in a city center and tell what’s written on his portrait I’m showing you now. Ready?
 - Yes, Master.
 Portrait of an ordinary young man showed up from nowhere with two words written by fire at the bottom. After 5 seconds it was gone.
 The fly sat on a dirty clothes and was immediately eaten by the first man.
- Death for death – said he looking to ruthless eyes of his Master. It lasted fore some seconds and after his Master disappeared or never appeared, who knows? No one was there nearby except sun but it kept silence as always.

Later at Soningos (what is hidden is explained in poem - It's all about trust) a strange man, not that I was talking about, said to a young woman passed him by with all that fancy staff they usually buy in malls.
- Excuse me, young lady. Do you believe in God?
- Yes – she stopped.
- You know, I’m His representative for today. I’m inviting chosen people to Kingdom of Heaven of His Son. Would you mind coming with me? And before you answer I need to aware you about two small issues: there’ll be no perfume and lingerie. It’s not because it’s bad but because it was invented by devil, as you may know. And devil is our enemy. So, you understand, rights protection, this kind of stuff. It’s funny that enemies have rights etc. but it’s the reality God lives in. So what’s your answer?
- If I say no can I still continue living as it would never happen to me?
- Sure. Full confidentiality guaranteed.
- Great. Then I say no.
- Thank you very much and have a nice day.
She proceeded to her car thinking that escaped from an insane sectarian but in a minute forgot about him completely. A small miracle but very useful. Remember my first poem Never take flowers from strangers – it’s about here.

Second attempt was a man. Women started first due to current reality – feminism, you know. A man who passed our representative for today didn’t buy anything in mall but who cares.
- Excuse me, young man. Do you believe in God?
- Yes –he stopped.
It’s also a miracle that you choose always right people just to save time.
- You know, I’m His representative for today. I’m inviting chosen people to Kingdom of Heaven of His Son. Would you mind coming with me? And before you answer I need to aware you about one small issue: there’ll be no women there. They just refused cause there will be no perfume and lingerie. You might have read that woman was invented by God but later spoiled by Snake or devil. And also it was announced that in His Kingdom there will be no marriages. So this is the reason why. Cause homosexuality is forbidden by Holly Bible and no women (self-rejection).
- So ,what then to do there?
- If I’m not mistaken you (humanity as a whole) want immortality a lot so Jesus Christ hopes that you know what to do with it.
- Not really, especially without women.
- May be computer games, sport events, TV shows, humor might help?
- This I can get here easily. What are you proposing which I can’t get here?
- Drugs are forbidden as (I repeat what I said to a young lady) devil developed it and we respect rights of devil cause he is our eternal enemy and we can’t defeat him with his weapon so we need your help in this battle. Coming?
- Is it OK to say No here?
- Sure. Full confidentiality guaranteed.
- Great. Then I say no.
- Thank you very much and have a nice day.
He – a young man, jumped to his car thinking almost the same as that young lady and forgot about conversation in a minute. Poems Today and How difficult is to speak with a mirror are dedicated to him. It’s not me it’s confidentiality.

Great. All is left is to fall asleep. Jesus will come to me and I can present my report. Will go down to Underground/Tube/Metro (Soningos is not a real city, real name is hidden). It’s warm there and no one’s disturbing a stinky person who wants to rest a while. Oh, I see a beggar. Jesus is kind to me and sends his courier. Hello, my friend. I don’t have money of your time but I have something for you which you’ll like a lot. Here it is. We call it Vodka – hard spirit to strengthen your spirit. No need to thank me. God bless you.

Travelers in darkness

                And all your money won't
                another minute buy.
                Kansas - Dust in The Wind


 Another minute passed me bye.
 Another lie. Another problem.
 I have no right to say goodbye
 And sleeping is becoming hobby.

 I see no dreams. I see no way.
 I sleep when wake and up when sleeping.
 I’m searching thoughts which shouldn’t stay
 In mankind minds which keeps on dreaming

 To touch the sky, to reach the sun,
 To travel far beyond allowed,
 For all the issues having plan
 But can not buy another minute.

Later a policeman called by passengers cause it smelled like hell in a carriage said – he’s dead.
God’s ways are hidden from mortals so no one understood what’s really happened.
El-Nuh-Ret waited nearby and after all was done decided to call Black Angel. The result you can see is in the poem above of the same name. I need to tell you that each world has its Black Angel but it’s hard to convince him to come cause after his visit you know what may happen.
Firstly, he (El-Nuh-Ret) broke up the Sixth commandment. It’s allowed for messengers of his kind. Yes, Vodka was poisoned but the beggar just fell asleep. His death was a matter of months if not days.
Then he bought a notebook and a black pen in a shop on his way, went to café, ordered one cappuccino and dessert and started writing – I’m here.

I’m here

Why fly so high to reach the Sun?
 Let Sun be shining close to us.
 But when it happens near is none.
 We keep complaining, eating dust.

 Who is deciding born the Sun?
 Who is deciding who’ll be near?
 The only chance to be the one
 Who will cry loud: My Lord, I’m here.

 And then His hand will mix the dust
 And water turns the dust to dirt.
 There’s only hope. There’s only trust.
 See light with love. Seek no reward.

 I’ll wait for you beyond crossroad
 Which leads to silence. Keep your word.

Then he asked for a bill. Payed by card. Noticed figures on a screen – 5,2.
In next café he wrote on a next page - Time to come to a right conclusion is immaterial.
Time to come to a right conclusion is immaterial

The question you’re looking for
 Is written on a strings of wind.
 It’s answered once long time ago.
 That person died, was killed by friend.

 If want the answer to unleash
 Repeat the way that ages hide.
 But Who is asking’ll get same dish
 So be aware of Keeper’s eye

 Till understand you breath true love.
 When ready just release your dove.

Check he received was 5,0. He didn’t remember what he was ordering. The following words from Holy Bible came to his mind and transformed to a short poem which he named – Never think beyond.

Never think beyond

                The face of the Lord is against them that do evil,
                to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.
                Psalm 34:16 King James Version (KJV), 33:17 – Orthodox style.

 You think you know ways ahead,
 Discover what was hidden ages?
 But what is waiting you instead
 Woke up from sleep and eating pages
 You wrote with blood from childish soul.
 To save from foe become an owl.

He checked calendar and noticed that today is the 1st of February. Good day. 2 hours till midnight. Need to hurry up. He went to parking and there near Ford Fusion with car number 555 he wrote 2 short poems.

Story never told

Old winter skies,
 I know you well.
 You smile like hell
 And hear no cries.

 Please close pale moon
 And let me tell
 Way to the bell
 Destroying soon.

 It hides the treasures of the dawn
 Which waits in dust to never born.

Sunset is never upset

Sunset is never upset
 Cause you look at sunset
 And see only combination of yellow and red.
 And sunset looks to beautiful view
 Hidden from you cause it’s back to you
 And that colors parade is not for you unless you knew.
These last ones convinced Black Angel as he sent his response. You know, inspiration, headache and other kind of things.

A secret

What a glorious day will be
 If you decide to release God
 From His duty.

 What duty?

 Just decide and then you'll see.

A touch of sadness born in his heart forced B.A. to continue. To tell the truth – his hand wrote.

To tell the truth

Symbol is the path.
 If you're ready to undertake it
 Emptiness will guide you through
 But when passed it will be another you
 To tell the truth.

Okay. Agreed. He snatched 4 sheets out of notebook, crumpled them and threw it to the trash can nearby.
Then he wrote poem When? – see below, snatched the sheet, ate it ignoring looks of surprised passersby and threw empty notebook and pen to the same trash can.

When?

When?
What a sad confession is
 That what you want does not exist.
 When?
 Seconds waited never bring
 The answer needed me to win.

 What’s left is path
 What’s left is wind
 That shuffles images in darkness.
 I’m looking for I always dream
 But that will be on earth one Sunday
 When…

Terms are not announced yet.
 I'll wait and drop a poem after.
 And world that big will change his trend
 Becoming small and quiet actor
 For those waited deep inside.
 For those who believed and cried.

Even a tablet was not required to complete the message. In 5 minutes heart attack happened to him and he died in the ambulance. Doctors fought for his life to the last, especially that tall brunette with a smooth beard who finally said “Enough” to his young blond assistant and stopped the fight acknowledging defeat.
Funerals were on Sunday, on the third day. No one came cause in spite of the fact that the person was well dressed there was no documents with him and his identity couldn’t be established and police was not interested in have another hanging case. One more person is gone, who cares? Death for death.

Epilogue

Master and servant were standing on earth orbit and watching unclear war in real time.
Master: What did you tell him?
Servant: Dig it.
Master: But it’s one word.
Servant: Two.
Master: Two is one word.
Servant: You are right, Master.
Master: Great. I guess the second one is “mammoth”.

Servant started singing:
“There’s a new game we like to play, you see
A game with added reality
You treat me like a dog, get me down on my knees”.

Master: true final is “get down on your knees”.
Servant: sorry, Master.
Master: no need, it’s by My intend. Love Depeche Mode.