Фрагмент 30. Thump, thump, thump

My sister is young and thin as a blade of grass,
She looks good in pictures,
Her smile is as bright as brass.
My brother travels a lot,
He is very lanky, and good-looking, too;
There are twenty long years
Between the two.

Somewhere during those twenty years,
I was born.
Should've been a rose,
But became its thorn;
Should've been bold and brave,
But instead I just wail and whine;
I'm nothing like you two,
Sister of mine, brother of mine.
 
My sister, I met her just once;
She was but a kid,
Yet her eyes were already two windows, brightly lit,
Her mind was already a palace
Standing tall;
That kid was the wisest,
The most alive of us all.

My brother, I've met him a few times;
He is like the wind
Wrapped in flesh and bone,
Pretending to be my kin;
No anchor he has, for tumbleweed
Has no need of anchors;
Oh, I envy him, how I envy him!..
Trust me; I've never been franker:
I envy her burning beauty,
I envy his fiery freedom,
I envy them both!..
...from deep inside me 
Comes an unsteady rhythm,

A unique pattern, unheard of in this world;
Is that my heart beating?..
And its thump, thump, thump
Turns worlds into words;
Words are so feeble and fleeting,
But words are the only thing I know,
Words are the only thing I own,
So I pour myself into words
And let go.

Roses are pretty 'cause they have their petals;
I have only thorns, they are made of metal.
People say, there's a princess in me; well, I've never met her,
And if I do one day, I will never let her
Go out in search of her princes charmings;
I've seen others do that,
And it's alarming.

My sister's got wings and freedom,
My brother has got them too.
I don't.
Now tell me,
My heart's rhythm,
What do I do?

24/07/18