I hear his voice inside

I hear his voice inside
he sounds so sweet and strange
he is dear to my heart , but
I can not open my gates.

I've suffered enough in my life.
I've done many mistakes.
Was running crazily under the rain
somehow erase my pain.

I 'd like to be a wise owl,
who naturally nods her head.
I know all, I 've seen it all.
I'll never ever be fooled.

I am in my late thirties.
why  does not it  work?
Why on Earth I behave  childishly.
I desire....but will not make a move...