Skinchanger

Loneliness is a  monster
A silent creeping creature
An amorphous  clump of black and grey
With gnarly limbs and a sting

I’m listening to my own breath
Consuming small portions of oxygen
This feeling is too familiar
The sting cracking my ribs
Preventing me from breathing in
My small portions of oxygen

Loneliness is a skinchanger
A speechless satellite
Ordinary as a key chain
Or a backpack: paper tissues, a bottle of water,
Some cash, a small collapsible umbrella;
Banal as pills in an inner hidden pocket
Invisible as a sunscreen on skin

Until the day comes
When it takes form
A swelling and growing solitude
A dark lump with crooked limbs
Crawling into my head
Transmitters of insomnia, doubts
And insecurities
A sting in my ribs
Spreading poison throughout my flesh
Injection of numbness

I’m listening to my breath
To the pulse in my temples
Trying to visualize how the creature
Leaves me losing its strength
Becomes a pocket mascot
Sad but harmless
Ordinary again
As a pile of worn tickets at the bottom of a backpack
As tangled wires
I’m numb and waiting
Consuming small portions of self-deceit
Waiting again
For the cycle to come to an end.

12.06.17