I can t stop looking at the dawn
I know, this World is slowly dying.
It's been created by my own.
That's why the Arian soul is crying.
The Earth lay shredded in the gloom,
When I began to join Her fragments.
I led my way against the Doom,
Surrounding men with blooming gardens.
I gave the light of sacral knowing,
The highest culture of my World.
But humans lost that chance for growing,
Feeding with blood, thirsting of gold.
My wish was getting rid of hunger,
Of endless sufferings and pain.
Instead, I've faced the hidden anger,
Growing in hearts, like evil's grain.
So, I was caught by the illusion
Within a Dream of Paradise.
My sorrow, just like nuclear fusion,
Is burning deadly in my eyes.
I can't stop looking at the dawn.
The Sun is sinking in the ocean.
My Paradise has almost gone
Within a silky air motion.
I let the wind take off my sorrow.
I let the rain come down my grief.
I'm gonna save this World tomorrow,
Just for the last time, I believe.
Свидетельство о публикации №116070800960
Если позволите, у меня есть несколько заметок по форме:
"The Earth lay shredded in the gloom". Если это Present Simple, то необходимо окончание S при глаголе. Если это Past Simple, то необходима вторая форма неправильного глагола lay.
"My wish was to get rid of hunger". Здесь сбивается ритм и, на мой взгляд, легче ложится герундий - My wish was getting rid of hunger.
"Instead, I've faced hidden anger". Для полноценного ритма здесь не хватает одного слога. Может быть так: Instead, I've faced the hidden anger?
"Within a silky air motion" - артикль A нельзя использовать при неисчисляемых существительных. Но возможно употребление артикля The.
С уважением,
Небылинка 26.08.2019 13:11 Заявить о нарушении
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