Nothing is worse

Nothing is worse than feeling your own heartbeat
In the cold little room that’s as empty and lone as you…
If you just knew how painful it is to build

You always told me that I was so brave and strong,
You used to sing it, “Don’t be afraid to fight!”
…I’m not afraid; I’m just thinking that you were wrong:
I’m not
A knight.

I am searching for freedom, learning to break and bend,
Waking up in the morning and asking myself, “What for?”
But you aren’t with me and I can’t simply hold your hand,
I wish
You were.

I left our corner before I could even walk,
And you know how fragile and how immature I was.
I wrote letters to you never sending them... Yes, I wrote
A lot
Of prose.

I was sinking in emptiness, carrying pain with me...
I felt this was my destiny - lonesomeness in a crowd.
And I wished I were killed...
But I suddenly was rebuilt
And out.

I stopped looking for you in the streets. But I still believe
That one day I will find your smile and it will come true...


If you just knew how painful it is to live